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It is said that a mother who pulls hairs out of her child's nose each day will assure him of a happy life. Personally ... I beg to differ. Let us assume this child is of a child's age ... ten years old perhaps. Question number one: What kind of kid is this that has nose hairs dangling like so many tendrils from his nostrils with such profusion that they need pulling? And question number two: Isn't it an absolute no no to "pull" hairs from one's nose? The pain would be excruciating and would surely bring more tears to the child's eyes than a passel of onions. This is not happiness. This is abject misery. Not that I want to argue with lore.
Bloody noses are held to be, generally speaking, bad omens. Wow. Will the revelations never end? There is of course an exception which I feel I need to share. It is this: If--from the left nostril--only a single drop of blood should fall ... then the recipient of said bloody nose shall come in to a great deal of money. Okay Charlie ... when I say go ... sock me one ... gently ... on the left side. If this works you get ten percent of the take. The rest is bloody well mine. Oh ... the pun of it all.
One of the cures for nosebleed was to eat pigeon droppings. Now here's the thing of it. If I had the choice of eating pigeon dropping and curing my bloody nose or not eating pigeon dropping and bleed from my left nostril till the rivers of the world turned red ... which do you think I'd choose? I'll give you a hint. Cover your carpets with red sheets. I'm on my way over. And as to the pigeon dropping ... well ... I suggest you place them gently thence from whence they came.
There is another cure ... far far more palatable. One simply has to apply moss taken from a dead man's skull letting it barely touch the skin. Ahh. Now isn't that better?
All of which brings us ... by way of insanely clever segue ... to nose ornaments. They have been around for centuries. They have been worn by both men and women mostly in India and America before the coming of Christopher Columbus in 1492. I presume we then civilized the savages and took the ornaments out of their noses and placed them in more suitable places ... like the ears ... and the lips ... and the belly buttons ... and even other places propriety prohibits me from mentioning.
Suffice it to say I have a 19th century nose ring. It contains a graduated series of rose-cut diamonds and a fringe of alternating rubies and pearls. Estimated value: $3600.00.
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