*************** The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it so well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat), or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you", and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is, therefore, extinct... leaving only Heaven --- thereby proving the existence of a divine being --- which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting, "Oh my God!"
While I don't believe for one moment that it was really written by a college student and that a professor exchanged it on the Internet, it certainly made my afternoon. Thanks for sharing.
Then here is another urban myth he may chuckle at.
Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as 'Bonkistry'. He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the final, they had a solid A.
These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday), they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there. So they did this and had a great time. However, with their hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Duke until early monday morning.
Excellent cautionary tale. I can totally see this as truth.
College students - well, we've all done some stupid things. When I was teaching Thermo, had a little crew of 3 just-too-cool-for-words in the large section. Difficult class, requirement for graduation in the engineering degrees. These 3 idiots turn in an assignment, all making the same "math" mistake in the midst of a lengthy problem. The mistake - directly from the answer book. They were so cocky about having a copy of the answer book that they didn't even bother to check the math. Big zeros. Bigger problem failing class.
A couple of years ago I had the same thing with a student getting marks in the 60s (with help) in grade 12 math. Then all of a sudden she was getting 90s and my answer key went missing and then was found again. Not too hard to figure out who borrowed it, made a copy, and then copied all the procedures and errors into her own assignments. We banned her from taking another math class at the school and watched her sister like a hawk the following year (same assignments - all distance learning materials).
The really pathetic part is even when a student is caught red-handed it is difficult to fail him for cheating now. Too many immediately file a grievance and threaten a lawsuit against the professor, department, and dean (at least). Colleges don't want the bad press.
Even student who don't show up for exams (and perform very poorly when they do) have latched on to this entitlement mentality. "But I need this class to graduate," or "I can't get into such-and-such class without at least a 'C' in this one." Just don't ask them to work for it!
In the case you experienced, some of today's students would argue the class syllabus did not specifically state that students were not allowed to own or use the answer book or collaborate on homework so how can it be cheating. And at some schools the students would win.
All true, and has been for a while. In undergrad when I was taking a very difficult class in Stochastic Processes (things that happen with probabilistic natures), the homework was quite difficult. We all had little study groups - the prof expected that. But, had to turn in our own assignments - which meant running some computer code. One memorable occasion, a handful of rather wealthy but not too bright guys in the class approached my pal & I in the comp center. I can see it like yesterday - we were sitting on the floor outside the mainframe area (where you picked up print-outs) looking through the confusing pages to see if our solutions had worked. These guys, from a different culture, walked up and offered us $150 a problem for our homework. They were seniors - who inevitably failed or got Ds and had to repeat the class in summer in order to graduate. We were stunned and refused the money. But the Ind Engrg dept chair had a big fight with the Mangmt Sci chair about the Ops Rsrch dept making it difficult... Sadly, the IE chair was way too nice, and had turned some of the dept into somewhat of a babysitting service. During reorg the year prior, the Ops Research dept had opted to go with the Mangmt Science Division in the School of Business, rather than stay in the Engineering college. I think they were a rather bright and rigorous group, and were not happy with the IE dept sliding into a less so attitude.
Funnily, or not so funnily, enough I recently ended up in a huge administrative war at the local comm college. I dropped a class - which I had an A in - and received a WF. Turns out, that the drop went thru on the day after the normal drop date for on-campus classes. I was having some computer issues, with the move and all, and decided to drop my distance learning class, and the one lab I was taking on campus. Had some problems with the system, called the registrar, was told the date to drop was Nov 2. So, I made sure to get to a computer and do the drop - on Oct 28. Turns out Nov 2 was for the distance learning class, the on-campus date was Oct 27. I didn't know the grade for the one had become an F until sometime in Jan, when the dept chair (who hates all the "educated" students - especially women) sent me a nastigram that due to Failing a course, I'd have to sit out a YEAR unitl I can repeat the class, etc, etc. So, I meet with the registrar, who says - yup, it's a screw-up, send a letter to the instructor and they should be able to change the grade. I sent a really polite, somewhat groveling, explanation of the situation. The instructor sends me a cursory "no, why should I, I haven't heard from you until now, so basically too bad, I'm not inclined to change the grade" letter. So, I then let the summer go, and register for fall classes - to get bumped and go meet with the dept chair. At this point, I figure, what the heck, I'll just repeat it and that's that. After all - I already have a bunch of degrees, and I'm not using this to go to med school. I meet the dept chair - and she says - well, we understand that it was an administrative set of circumstances, but we really don't want to change the grade, so you have to wait until January to take this class, and oh, we've changed the class numbering a bit, so you'll have to take a 4 credit medical class (that I already have an A in) because the 1 cr lab is no longer a separate class. And, since you can't take your cert exam until you do that, you're going to have to repeat a semester of internship (which is when I'm on the Paramedic wagon, doing supervised leads of 25 ALS rescues), and also your 2 cr clinical (do a weekly rotation in the hospital - usually Labor & Delivery or ER). So, that's a few hundred dollars. And, by the way - we've added this new 1 cr lecture class, and now you'll have to be in the new curriculum, so you'll have to take that in order to take your National Registry exam, and, well, I'm not inclined to let you take that until after you do these other classes. All this, because I had dropped a 1 cr lab, inadvertently a day late. And, to complicate things - when you repeat a class the new grade is supposed to replace the original (better or not). But, since the 1 cr lab doesn't exist - we're not sure how they're going to expunge the "f".. So, after thinking about this for a while, I've decided I'm back to having a meeting with the dean, to do an appeal for the "f" to be changed back to a "W" and make the dept chair allow me to take the stupid 1 cr course along with the other 7 credits. Honestly .
You're so right. Back in the day - fortunately - homework, etc was clearly stated on the syllabus - along with the "honor code" . And of course, if they'd done the math - the problem would have been correct - but it was too obviously a bizarre kind of error. I did allow those with 0 on hw to redo it and turn it in 2 days later. Still, I had my share of "I've never gotten a "c" in my life, ..." whining at my desk. My response was - well, there are lots of smart people out there, you're at a school full of them, and you might just have to do some hard work to learn this - being smart just isn't enough - it's just a tool. If you don't use your tools, or take care of them - they don't work so well, and if you're lazy using your brain, then it won't work so well. It's hard for kids who've cruised through a high school when they're faced with "peers" & subject matter that isn't intuitive, but you really have to learn, work to understand. IMHO, at least for engineering courses, once you learn the basic levels well - the advanced ones come more readily. But, if you can't do the math, or the basics, you'll work just soooo hard to even squeak by with some semblance of understanding in the more advanced material - bascially - you'll likely never "get it" . Hard to explain that the answers to real problems just aren't in the back of the book (as I would tell my lovely 2 coop students who worked for me at my first job).
My friend says this is why I shouldn't take a faculty job at her school - I'd likely smack some kid in frustration - at least metaphorically. But, I'm thinking about doing a couple of lectures as a guest lecturer.
Ellice (who should go study some pharmacology now)
I'll do the smacking for you so you can keep your rep clean.
You've had a battle with the CC from the sound of it! I wonder how much of their argument is just an attempt to squeeze you for some more almighty dollars.
I've had my share of bad grades but only fought over one. I got married a week before finals during my 4th semester--awkward timing but we had to be married by the end of semester in order to get a spot in (cheap) married student housing. The registrar's office told me how to handle my change of name for all my classes and I followed their instructions to the letter. The grad student who was doing the grading for my (ick) cultural geography class decided she didn't like the way I'd handled it and failed me claiming I hadn't shown up to take the final. She wasn't going to explain how someone else with my ssn and photo id which matched my face and a marriage license to document my name showed up to take the final. She resorted to name-calling and profanity over having to change the grade since the prof was out of the country for the summer so I filed a complaint and the registrar's office backed me up. It also helped that I worked for a division of the dean of students office and was on good terms with the Asst. D.o.S. It was just a really stupid gen ed class but I hated it enough the first time around (but still earned a B because it was so simple) and I didn't want to waste retake credits (we were only allowed to retake 15 credits of work over all years at that university) on it. She was also grading out of spite--a zero on the final shouldn't have dropped a B in the class to an F if she averaged scores according to the syllabus; she was nailed either way. I hope some PITA administrator has her firmly under his/her thumb now and for a long time to come. Her attitude needed an overhaul.
Thanks. I'll let you know. If it's just a couple of lectures, I'm okay because I don't have to give grades. ;^)
Although, recently, I actually raised my voice at a bride - something I've never done before. The thrills of the wedding planning/event organizing business. They were really, really, late - as in arriving at the church after the ceremony was supposed to start. With all but 1 of the groomsmen in the bridal limo (can you say stupid idea - as in only 1 usher and a best man to seat guests). The bride actually stamped her foot at me, saying "we can start right now - I'm here" in response to my telling her crew to get it together, etc - for 10 min while we got the upstairs organized. Then when I sent the guys to the grooms room for boutonnieres - she yelled at me that they were there in the brides' room (pointing to the mothers' little flower corsages). Finally I just had to get the scarey mom voice and emphatically say "Just let me do my job!" Which seemed to shock the gaggle of attendants, etc.
Maybe a little. But, honestly I think it is the dept chair. They're really fine with the standard need lots of guidance comm college students, and certainly with the firefighters (whose dept is paying for them, and scarily get lots of breaks in the coursework). But the chair has real issues with the slightly older, with professional careers students - especially the women - and more so those with advanced degrees. One of my friends keeps calling her "trailer trash" - which is very sad. I'm sure she's a nice enough woman, and not doing this career for the money. But, she talks down to everyone - and doesn't seem to communicate well with the more educated or brighter students (regardless of age). And she's one of those people that snaps to a judgment before getting the full information - which is not a good thing. A couple of semesters back I missed about 8 days of school with a serious flu going around. Fever, doc's note, etc. I had to arrange to make-up a lab, and some other classes. So, my first evening back - I had day class, then evening class - the chair came for a brief meeting with some students about our registry test. Walking with me she tells me how surprised she was to hear that I'd been going to my other classes, but not the medic ones. Huh? I'd sent an e-mail to a prof saying that I was going to try and go to my Anat & Phys class at the other campus, and if I felt okay, then I'd come to the class at the Med campus (the day before). But, as it turned out, it was too much, and I bailed out of the Anat & Phys class. Which I'd told the prof. So, of course, the chair has jumped to the conclusion that I was just blowing off my med classes, and going to the others.
Yikes - this is a horror story. You just wonder how people think to do such things.
Just keep your fingers crossed that I can get this straightened out. Honestly - an F at the comm college - my friends are finding this pretty funny.
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