OT bad stuff

Well, I met with my pastor, my husband and a friend on Wednesday morning, apparently all my problems are due to my weak faith and that I repeat untruths to myself (curious as I rarely talk my self down and it's never been to do with faith). I am so hurt and there is literally no one to support me, my friends are the members of the church (remember we'll have lived in the US 3 years tomorrow).

Last time I had postpartum depression I kind of compartmentalised and faith wasn't one of the necessary compartments, but I kept going through the motions and everything turned out ok in the end.

Now it's the completely opposite, I went to the pastor voluntarily to see if he could give me any help in not doing that this time and it's turned into my depression being non existance and my faith being weak, which is probably is as every time I meet with someone they tell me it is, keep telling me that and I'll believe it as truth, instead they tell me that I'm talking myself down. I rarely talk myself down, and if I do, it's along the lines of I'm fat (which is true), or I don't like my new haircut (also true).

Now I feel like I'm repeatedly being brought before a kangeroo court and being told untruths, with depression not even mentioned.

I've now decided not to take my meds, maybe that will prove a point, I've many sleepless nights to look forward to now.

I think I'd do better if I declared that I had no faith and never went back to this so called church. My last church were so helpful, the pastors wife was very ill with postpartum depression, a couple of years before me, so the pastor actually had a clue.

Anne

Reply to
Anne Rogers
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I think you really need to see a medical doctor who will help you. Postpartum depression can't be healed with faith alone, you desperately need help and I sincerely hope you get it sometime soon.

Please see a medical doctor and ask for help.

Reply to
DiMa

I have an appointment on Wednesday, I hope to be dead by then.

Reply to
Anne Rogers

For the love of heaven don't just stop taking your meds!

First off all it will do is convince those nimrods that you are a "weak woman", and you are not. The pastor has likely already made up his mind and at that point there is no changing it. Your husband probably feels helpless and perhaps a tad guilty, so he is grabbing on because that makes it not his fault. Your husband will likely get better after you do.

Second off sometimes quitting the drugs can cause side effects as or more serious than ones that you might get while you were taking them. My psychiatrist was very lax about warning me about such things. I quit taking one because it was starting to cause tardive dyskinesia, and quiting the drug caused spontaneous vomiting. I quit taking a mood stabilizer called neurontin, and my MD thinks that that is what is causing the back troubles I have been having. Neuropathic pain either temporary or permanent is a side effect of suddenly quitting taking the stuff. Never ever quit taking psychotropic drugs without consulting a doctor about it first. I could probably have saved myself a world of pain if I had.

Look, the people who should be your support are failing you, badly. Call a hotline, a crisis line, your local women's shelter, a mental health clinic, the YWCA, somebody like that. There are people who can help lift you up, they just don't happen to go to that particular church.

NightMist

Reply to
NightMist

Reply to
Michelle G.

Anne, please don't stop taking your drugs. PPd is an illness and nothing to do with faith. Look at any other churches in your area, and go visit them. If your vicar / friend / husband say anything tell them that their lack of support and understanding are driving you away. Your vicar is an idiot without a medical degree he DOES not know what he is talking about! Faith & the church is supposed to help in times of crisis unfortuneatley the church often seems to make things worse. Are there any baby groups you could go to, some new friends might help you get a different perspective. Your current friends seem to be toxic in your current situation.

Love Sarah

Reply to
Sarah Dixon

Dear Anne,

I'm almost sorry to be rude to your pastor, but what a load of cobblers! Only you know how strong your faith is inside you and you don't have to wave it around like a big banner to have it. I sometimes feel that the highly visible "faith" is very American, unlike the English Anglican often understated type. (Sorry if I am wrong but that is making an assumption that you are CofE)

As I said other people cannot know how your faith grows and telling you that it is weak will not help, and is their problem that they are pushing on to you to give them control. I hate mind control freaks who dress it up as religion. As to weight and haircuts - well they can be changed over time, but the weight could well be harder to deal with while you are depressed and on your current medications. The haircut - is the colour or the style? If it is the colour - go out and buy something different (probably one of those wash out types to start with) that YOU like, get a friend (or a friend's teenage daughter) to help you apply it and ENJOY it. Tell your DH (D can stand for what you feel it needs to) that YOU like like it and if the different hair colour bothers him, he should have more "faith" in the inner Anne and not be swayed by appearances.

Kangaroo court is exactly what it sounds like to me and for your pastor and husband and "friend" to take advantage of your vulnerability due to your illness and portray it as a faith issue not and illness is unforgiveable and a betrayal of your trust in them. You deserve and need their support, not their condemnation.

Anne, please keep on the meds, YOU know that you have a real medical problem not a crisis of faith, whatever other people think and I really don't want you to set yourself back and risk outsiders splitting your family again, because they don't understand (or wish to believe) that you have an illness.

Not true, it is obviously important to you and should bring you strength in adversity not more worries.

Now that is a much more sensible statement. Are their others in your area? Do any of your health professionals (doctors, "shrink", paediatrician have any contacts at other churches?) One with a mother & baby/toddler group would be good as the chances of meeting up with another PPD (ex-)sufferer are higher that way. Are there any PPD support groups in your wider area?

My last church were so helpful, the

Get back in touch somehow - pick up the phone, drop him (and her) an email and get some constructive support.

OK I have said my piece above. Now please look after yourself and put yourself first some of the time. Remind DH that he made vows to stand by you "for better for worse, in sickness and in health" etc and tell him you need his support like a trellis to help a rose grow naturally, not to constantly be trimmed and twisted like a show specimen.

You have lots of support here on RCTQ but I am also sending this as a email reply and my address is clear (I use plenty of filters to remove unwanted email and am not easily offended by spam).

Hugs and warmest wishes from autumnal Lancashire (God's own county - not that other place over the Pennines.....)

Lizzy

Reply to
Lizzy Taylor

Anne, why one earth would you put yourself though misery to prove a point to people who obviously care nothing about you.

Take your meds and find a new church.

Cindy

Reply to
teleflora

I wish it were that simple, we moved here 3 years ago today (checks it's past midnight), we decided to go to a Saturday evening service at a church that we knew one family at (coincidencently they had been in our church in the UK, them moved to this area, we didn't realise how close until we started looking at maps). We got to know a lot of people who went to that service, we'd been attracted by the children's work, so unsurprisingly we got to know many people who had children similar ages to us. Then this last year, this service became a church plant, though of course we know a lot of people at the main church, particularly me, as I participated in women's bible studies and a quilt group. My husband has no interest in finding a new church, he doesn't recognise the harm people have done me, he sees it as me self pitying when I try to explain how things have harmed me. Even when we've been to the psychotherpist together and discussed this issue, he is in completely disagreement with even temporarily finding a new church. I don't think it would be fair for anyone for me to go back to the old church, so I'd be left looking for a church just me and the baby, which isn't a good situation to be in, if it came to me deciding a really just needed a temporary break, I'd be better off sat at home listening to a podcast of a church sermon.

Cheers Anne

Reply to
Anne Rogers

Anne, I suffered as you are now. Please do not stop your med, it would be very bad for you and make you even more unwell. Please listen to the other posters, think of yourself and the baby first - the other children will be well cared for my their father. I am so sorry I am in Australia, I would love to give you a hug and say; Let's find somewhere/someone for you to talk to who will know exactly what is wrong.

Stay in touch with us, we do love you.

Reply to
DiMa

Dozy lot. And selfish.

It will this time, if you are patient with yourself. This is a MEDICAL problem, not a faith problem.

No, he is WRONG.

As far as the church is concerned, this is exactly right. Leave them to it and get on with geeting well.

NO!!! Not a good move! Not even safe.

This is the right way forward. And true pastor would help without judgement. You are ill, and the illness manifests in some very odd ways, but if you have faith, it will re-emerge at the right time. Right now they are dangerous to your health and well-being, and you need to stay away.

Just my (free!) opinion. But I've seen friends go through it, and done some of the journey myself.

Reply to
Kate XXXXXX

Anne, please be strong and do what is going to be the best for you and your baby. It's okay to attend a different church than your husband. Find a group that you are comfortable with and who will support you.

Call the County Health services and ask for a PPD group, explain briefly your situation. They will assist you. You need attention right now, today, not next week. We want you around next week.

Where [again] are you in northern California? I have a sister, father and niece in the upper half of the state, if you are near their area I may be able to get you some referral group names.

Please stay here with us, G> > Anne, why one earth would you put yourself though misery to prove a poi= nt to

Reply to
gaw93031

If you break your leg, God would expect you to go see a doctor to get it fixed. With depression, talk therapy can help a lot along with the meds. If you go off the meds you're only going to set yourself back and hurt YOU. I don't know where you live but counties, cities usually have places where groups can meet and talk... and they're free...they'll even go one-on-one with you.

Donna in WA

Reply to
DEM

I couldn't agree more! Anne, this pastor and his "flock" seem to me to be sadly lacking confidence in their own faith, if their only reaction to your illness (it's a real illness, not something you've chosen to act out!) is to tout their own faith/lack of illness. You've heard the expression, "Methinks he doth protest too loud", haven't you? You'd be better off with a shrink/counselor than with this "minister", who seems to me to be anything *but* someone who ministers to your needs.

Please continue on your meds! As the others have said, you'd only be putting yourself through a terrible ordeal if you go off them, and you wouldn't be doing yourself or anyone else any good.

There are many couples who attend different churches; if there's one you can be happier in, that's the one for you, whether or not your DH attends with you.

Reply to
Sandy

Reply to
Carissa

Anne! Do NOT stop taking your meds to prove a point to morons. I'm sorry to be so forceful--but hurting yourself in order to hurt them is not the way to go. Besides, even if you wind up in the psyche ward, they still won't get it. Your pastor is a freakin' uninformed idiot. Your husband and your friends are ignorant and following his lead.

Do what it takes to help yourself. I know you thought confiding in your pastor was the right thing to do, and with the right pastor it would be. He's not the one. Did I mention that he's a moron?

Okay, I think you're seeing my point.

Anyway, your kids need you--so do NOT stop taking your meds. Michelle in Nevada

Reply to
Michelle C.

((((( Anne ))))) My dear girl, I'm not going to start in on those church people who would add to a person's sufferings with such cr*p, even tho I'd love to. Instead I'm just going to tell you to PLEASE keep taking your meds. And go back to your medical doctor, the one who gave the meds to you. Tell him/her about the pressure you're getting from your so-called 'support' system.

Where do you live in the U.S.? I just know that there is a real support group of non-judgmental people who would welcome you into their midst.

Can you stop going to church? Can you remind your husband of the last round of postpartum and what that pastor said? Can you tell the know- nothings to go pray for themselves? Sorry, I promised I wouldn't do that.

Know that you are believed, loved and supported here. We are real people and we care for you and will see you through this. Take your meds. If not for you, then do it for your children. They need their mom to be well and healthy and able to lead them in life. And know that God loves you and would never afflict you with this horrible Black Dog just to test your faith. In the times when we are too weak or ill to reach out in faith, God keeps reaching out to us.

Hugs and prayers, Sunny

Reply to
onetexsun

I just read the rest of the posts. Anne, sweetie, Michelle is right. Your current "pastor" is a moron. Oh wait, I think she called him an idiot first. Yeppers. Dear girl, please please keep taking your meds, call and tell your MD that you are suicidal. Believe me, that gets t he ball rolling very fast. They'll get you in very fast. And if that doesn't work, walk into any emergency room and say that you have postpartum depression and are feeling self destructive. You will get help.

So frustrating to just sit here and not be able to do anything to help ....

Sunny

Reply to
onetexsun

My psychiatrist only works M-Th, so though I left her a message last night, she won't get it until Monday. If I went to the ER, I'd end up in the psych ward, which is the last thing I want, or need.

Anne

Reply to
Anne Rogers

Years ago when my folks moved to a small town mom was invited to the local Friends Church. They offered good, kind, loving worship that was welcome for the whole family at the time. Somehow the nearest Catholic church found out mom was attending the 'heathen' church. Two nuns dressed whole hog in their habits showed up at the door when dad wasn't there and informed mom that if she didn't go back to the real church that God was going to punish her making something wrong with the baby she was very pregnant with at the time. (happened to be me) It was probably good that dad wasn't there or he would probably have gone to jail. I guess my point is just because folks allege to be religious or Christian doesn't mean they are. No shortage of bad folks that hide behind the mask of religion of all kinds. I hope Anne is able to get the help she needs. Taria

Reply to
Taria

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