For those who love the philosophy of hypocrisy and ambiguity:
- Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
- One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
- Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
- I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
- What if there were no hypothetical questions?
- If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him... is he still wrong?
- Is there another word for synonym?
- Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
- If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?
- Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice"?
- Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?
- What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
- If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
- Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
- Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
- If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
- Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
- Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
- Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
- Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
- How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
- Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
- What was the best thing before sliced bread?
- One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people.
- Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
- Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
- How is it possible to have a civil war?
- If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?
- If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry?
- If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
- Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
- Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
- Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
"One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young."