OT: Lost my best friend today........

I lost my best friend today, she didn't die, that actually might have been easier to take.

We have known each other for almost 10 yrs, been through the thick and thin and I have busted my butt to help her more times than I can count. She has some.....issues, depression, fybromyalgia, dependancy on oxycontin not to mention other drugs for panic attacks, etc, and worst of all a cocaine addiction.

We lived together for about 5 yrs until I got pregnant and moved in with the BF, she then moved into another place on her own but her married BF was footing the bill and he was fed up with the whole scenario and was tightening the purse strings. She had very little choices left with no job and she had let her nursing license lapse her only choice was to move into a cramped little house with her dad. At 30 yrs old the last thing she wanted to do was move in with her dad and her mother had just died the year before. We were looking for a new home anyway as we had another child on the way and needed more room for the children and the dogs, talked it over with the BF and we agreed that since she had apparently been 'clean' for some time that we would extend the offer for her to move in with us as long as she kept her act together. She jumped at the offer and thanked us up and down and swore that she was 'being good'. Until today she had lived with us for almost 4 months and things were a little strained but they were manageable, just growing pains I guess from adjusting to living with someone else again I had guessed. I had this sneaking suspicion that she may be sneaking a ciggarette now and then up in her room (smoking was forbidden in the house) and when she went out today (which is a rare occurance in itself) against my better judgement, I snooped in her room. I thought I was looking for cigarrettes, what I found, while I really shouldn't have been suprised was much more dissapointing. I opened one of her drawers and found a glass plate with a razor blade just sitting there, I couldn't beleive it, after all I had done for her, she brought cocaine into my house, the home where my children live!!!! Yes I had lived with her before while she had done it and while I didn't exactly turn a blind eye, I didn't have children to look out for either. That was it, I told my BF that she was out, no if's and's or but's about it. He agreed.

Problem is, I feel horrible. I know I had every right to give her the boot but I still feel bad, I lost my best friend today, the girl who I have shared everything with for the last 10 yrs of my life, she is just gone. I suppose the truth is that I lost her about 5 yrs ago when she started doing coke but I really thought she could stop, I really thought I could help her. I had to leave the house, with my children tonight and ask my bf to tell her to leave, she swore that she didn't do it and that she had just found it in one of her boxes from the move, why would someone who is no longer doing coke, put away a glass plate with a blade and a straw, along with 8 small baggies (they were empty but I knew what had been in them) in a drawer? Wouldn't you think that if this was the case you would have just thrown it out? I just don't understand why she thinks I should have believed her.

I am in the middle of feeling absolutely horrible for her, she just can't get her life together, her whole existence is to lay in bed and watch tv and make sure she has enough pills to get her through the next day, and wanting to literally lay her out for bringing this garbage in my home around my children!!!!!!!

Thanks for letting me ramble, I guess I just needed to vent a little.

Tammy, friendless in cold, wintery, Ontario :(

Reply to
JPgirl
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Reply to
nzlstar*

So sorry, Tammy, but you did the right thing. And you are not "friendless". You have many right here on this group

Reply to
maryd

Please remember that she was NOT being a friend to you. She was putting you and your children at great risk. What if she left her drugs out and your children got into it? Or what if she ended up owing somebody some money for drugs... which could bring who knows whom to your door? Including the police? Homes and cars could be confiscated if she were to point the finger at you!

You did not lose a friend today. You are right.... you lost a friend when she decided that drugs were more important to her than the safety of you and your children. You lost a friend when she decided to take your generosity and abuse it.

Be strong. You did the right thing. For you... for your SO, for your children... and hopefully someday... she will realize that you did not allow her or support her during her drug habit.

Please be strong! Keep her in your prayers.... but out of your home.

Reply to
Kate G.

You did the right thing. Addicts don't change as long as they don't have to. The choice is now up to your friend. I hope and pray she makes the right choice and finds treatment for her addiction. Regardless, you have young children and your first responsibility is to them. Not only do they not need to live in a house where they might find illicit drugs, but they don't need to see the behavior you describe from your friend tolerated. They need the adults in their lives to be responsible people who behave in socially responsible ways.

I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts, and your friend too. Be strong.

Sunny

Reply to
Sunny

Oh Tammy, dear, you are not friendless. Just look at the responses here. {{hugs}}

Karen, Queen of Squishies

Reply to
Karen, Queen of Squishies

short of strong arming her and being a drug rehab agent - there was nothing you could do. I hope and pray that she will find the help she needs. In the meantime - you aren't friendless - you're never friendless.

Musicmaker

Reply to
Musicmaker
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Reply to
Charlotte

Tammy, You did the right thing. Please change all your locks, if you haven't already done so.

Mary

Reply to
Mary in Rock Island IL

Thanks for all the support. I am feeling a bit better about everything this morning but I still can't help that nagging feeling.... what if she was telling the truth? What if she really didn't do the drugs here and it really just didn't occur to her to throw the stuff away when she unpacked that box? I really do doubt what I just said but then again I have learned over the years that I seem to be a more logical thinker than some people I know LOL.

BTW, in Canada the laws are a little different concerning drug posession, we would not lose our house or our cars, and while she has some problems and is an addict I am 99% positive that she would not point the finger at us, but that is besides the point, my main concern was having that around my children and she knew that when she moved in that neither me or my SO would tolerate it at all. I had enough of a problem with the amount of perscription medication she was taking, let alone cocaine!

She has been to rehab before, twice actually. The first time she went was in school because one of her college professors found out she had smoked marijuana, she was in the nursing program and they gave her the choice to go to rehab or get out of the school. SHe actually didn't have a 'problem' then but she didn't want to quit school either so she went. The second time was for cocaine, she was shoving $100 a day up her nose and I told her it had to stop, she knew she had to get help too. Mind you, this was not her first time having a problem with cocaine, she had a 3-4 month stint with crack about 3 yrs previous and cleaned up on her own. I have tried to help her in any way I can think of since then and not only did she continue to use cocaine but she also took on the habit of oxycontin for 'her pain' she was first buying them on 'the street' and then finally found a doctor to perscribe them to her, but now even the doc wants her off of them and she keeps fighting him on it. Nothing seems to help, so when she wanted to talk to me after my SO confronted her about it she called me at my in-laws and I told her I had nothing to say to her and that as sick as it made me I was DONE.

Thanks again for the support, as horrible as I feel for her it makes me feel better to know that I did the right thing for my family.

Reply to
JPgirl

Are there any drug rehab resources near where you live? Maybe your friend would be ready to be pointed in that direction. It is a tough situation for you but you did the right thing last night. I hope your friend will find help for herself. Allison

JPgirl wrote:

Reply to
allisonh

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Tammy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} Whether you and your friend realize it or not, you did her and yourself a favor. You don't need that around your kids and she needs a wake-up call. With any luck, this may be just what she needed and she'll get herself together. You've got more friends than you know, right here.

Reply to
Debi Matlack

Howdy!

Sounds like you lost your best friend years ago, Tammy; you just noticed it today. Btw, some "friend." You can & will do better. ;-)

Other strange phenomena:

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Reply to
Sandy Ellison

Tammy, one of our DDs once allowed a close friend to live with her and her DH and child. The friendship was all but ruined, since the friend also began doing drugs and took terrible advantage of DD and DSonIL. It's never a good situation, but you can't let yourself, your BF and your children be in a home where drugs are being used. You did the right thing.

Reply to
Sandy

Tammy, you are not friendless. You have a lot of support and friends here.

It's hard to see a friend or family member spiral down into addiction, no matter what that addiction may be. And, until she wants to get better, she won't and simply can't. It's a commitment she needs to make to herself to turn her life around, whatever the cost. Just like it has been "whatever the cost" [friends, jobs, stability] to get to this point, her recovery also has to be "at whatever it costs".

Perhaps something like Alanon could give you some support in your area.

Ginger in CA

Reply to
Ginger in CA

((((((((((((Tammy))))))))))))

Replied privately.........................

Reply to
Carolyn McCarty

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