I've been reading, but haven't been posting much. School is ending this week and with finals this week and graduation last week and everthing, I've been super busy. I'll update you on other events after Thursday.
In the meantime, I have a request. I need some really good jokes. Bert can't believe some of them that you come up with and my assistant principal really likes the ones that I pass on. She gets a big smile and tells me to thank the quilt ladies. So, I need to end the year with a couple of really good jokes to make her smile and send us off to summer break to refresh and head off to August and the resumption of school. Can you help? I hope so.
By the way, the title of my upcoming post is going to be Democrats, Totems and S.E.X. Thought that might spike your interest.
The school year here ends at the end of July, and the new one starts at the beginning of September. The GMNT is busy with school exams, GCSE module exams, coursework, and other joys. He's Year 10 here. Not sure how that translates... He's keeping his head and looking forward to spending a couple of weeks on Salisbury Plane with the Army Cadets, playing at being a soldier!
We only ever graduate from university here, or at least from a degree course. You just leave school, at either 16+ after GCSE (General Certificate of Education, set by several external exam boards nationally: they are public exams. The main exams happen in Year 11, but there are some modules that can be done early, and some schools do a couple of subjects in Year 10. The GMNT may be doing RE this year, and has maths and science modules all through the course, as he's doing three separate sciences rather than combined science), or at 18+ with A levels (Advanced level exams needed for uni entrance etc.). You can also do A levels at various local colleges, but it is easier at school.
At the GMNT's school, they have a Leavers BBQ for the final year leavers (year 13), which is informal and fun. On Leaver's day, expect pranks and high jinks! One year the place was infested with giant grasshoppers, another a pig's head appeared on the clock tower, and I think there was another year when if you logged on to the school's intranet, you got a raspberry blown at you instead of the welcome page!
Getting Married Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Devon , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes." Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist: "Of course we do." Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist: "All kinds " Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist: "Definitely." Jacob: "How about suppositories?" Pharmacist: "You bet!" Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works." Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist: "Absolutely.." Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist: "We sure do." Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes." Jacob: "Adult incontinence pants?" Pharmacist: "Sure." Jacob: "We'd like to use this store for our wedding presents list..."
My neighbor, Della, found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was thick matted hair in its ears, so he cut out the hair, cleaned both ears and the dog could hear again.
The vet then proceeded to tell Della that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the drugstore and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.
Della went to the drugstore and got some 'Nair'. At the register the pharmacist told her: "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."
"I'm not using it under my arms," Della replied.
The pharmacist then said: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."
"I'm not using it on my legs either!" Della huffed. "If you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer."
The pharmacist grinned and said: "Stay off your bicycle for a week."
You're most welcome, Steven. I nominate Roberta's gift registration for the best. We have several friends in their eighties who are single again and I've forwarded it to all of them. Polly
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."
The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.
"How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.
The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"
The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he Said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
With his sermon complete, the minister sat down.
The song leader then stood up very cautiously and announced (with a smile and nearly laughing):
'For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'
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