- Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all!
- Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
- Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this, anyway?
- Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
- The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! Woooohoooooooo! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
- Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
- Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9 . Dog sweaters. Hello?? Haven't you noticed the fur?
- How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth: you're just jealous.