Here's what I sent Miss Jeanne (the dame behind the flames):
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I lead traditional American country dances (similar to square dances) and I often do this for weddings, so I get to attend a wide variety and a good number of them. We've got highlights:
--"MY" wedding: all the bride's planning never mentioned her intended's name; it was always "my groom." After the meal, the staff needed space to bus the tables and then remove them, to clear a space for the dancing. The bride stepped up to the microphone and invited everyone to enjoy some of her groom's cake...which was outdoors...in the parking lot.
--Talent Show: a bridesmaid brought her boyfriend, and he brought his fiddle. At some point he got up on stage (uninvited) and played along with my band, who were playing Civil War-era tunes for this wedding of Civil War re-enactors. Then he commandeered the mic and did a bluegrass tune as a salute to the happy couple. (Because I didn't gush over this performance, for the rest of the evening he and the bridal party made rude comments, and gestures, at me.)
--A bride's dear friend was scheduled to sing at the Saturday morning reception. She faxed the needed sheet music to her local copy center, not to the branch a mile away from me. This was on Thursday night, way too late for a rehearsal; the musicians sight-read it at the event. Then he handed me a cassette, I pressed "play," and out came the lilting strains of "Never Make a Pretty Woman Your Wife." He boogied to this as the guests sat there staring, with horrified expressions, and the newlyweds just looked at each other. He made some lame comments about "this doesn't apply to the bride," and thankfully cut it short.
--After the ceremony, the bridal party (including all the helpful friends) repaired outdoors for photographs, leaving my musicians and me to tear down the chairs, re-arrange the hall, and get it ready for the dance.
--At my sister's second wedding, with a Creative Anachronism (rennaissance) theme, the groom's best man never showed up. The ceremony was supposed to start at noon. After a couple of hours of frantic phone calls, the groom fidgeting in the doorway peering down the road, guests started leaving. I had a gig that afternoon, so I left too.
--My musicians told me about a ceremony they'd played. The ring bearers were a pair of (caged) guinea pigs, the rings tied around their little necks.
--Karen M. you read it here first!