OT- parenting toddlers

Hi all, We've all been sick so I haven't been sewing or even functioning, but I guess you could say all is back to normal, or worse.

I got the toddlers up this morning; boys, 1 1/2 and 2 1/2; and Before I could turn aroound I had red makeup all over the bathroom, then tea scattered all over the kitchen and the older one was standing in the highchair tossing packets of Koolaid out of a box onto the floor where the makeup was tracked all around and the one year old was adding fruit juice to the mixture and I was ready to cry.

I spent the rest of the day in damage control til Bill got home when I assigned him to prevent any more fun while I spent an hour cleaning the red powder out of the bathroom. I've considered putting everything in cupboards up near the ceiling, or padlocking all cupboards, but that could take time and make the house look funny. WHAT DO I DO???

I NEED HELP, I don't know anybody to ask and I don't even know what to google to find a group that deals with destructive toddlers!!

any and all Ideas gratefully considered!!. THANKS, Kitty

Reply to
Kitty In Somerset, PA
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Seriously, put all the crap that they can get into AWAY!!! I have two boys that could only be described as "destructo babies". I used baby gates, cupboard locks, and door locks. I put all potentailly dangerous/damaging/messy items OUT OF REACH. Preventing access is much easier than constantly being on the watch, saying "no", or cleaning up messes. So what if it makes your house look funny: wouldn't you like to be able to turn your back for a moment and not have to worry about what they can get into? Get thee to K- mart and hit the baby safety aisle.

What is your make up doing where they can get it? Why can they get into the cabinets? They are not being intentionally destructive. They are curious, active kids doing what kids do. Your job as a parent is to provide an enviroment where they can express this in an appropriate fashion.

Also, contact your local community college or adult extension service for parenting classes, parent co-ops, other community groups geared towards moms of little ones. I do not mean gymboree, I mean real parent education classes. You will get lots of support, and ideas on ways to deal with toddlers.

penny s

Reply to
small change

Hi Kitty,

I totally feel your pain! All of my children were the brattiest toddlers ever. I have a daughter who just turned two about two weeks ago. What a nightmare! I have everything up high that is breakable, cleaning supplies, etc. Currently my bottom cupboards are "locked" with elastic bands because she knows how to open child locks, but the elastics seem to deter her. My kitchen chairs are TIED to the table because she always pushes them over to the counter and gets up there and into everything. She climbs up the stools beside the island and dances around up there, she hides things, destroys things and makes a mess. If she doesn't get her way lately she starts to cry. She is a good crier, its "almost" believable. If only I were more gullible.

I know how you feel, only you have it twice as bad as I do. And two toddler boys compared to one toddler girl is probably 10 times as bad.

I really don't know of any groups to help, The best I do to keep up with it is have a coffee and try to eat regular meals, even if I have to hide to eat it! And I am lucky enough to be able to work outside the home in the evenings, so that totally helps!

HTH, email or msn messenger me anytime you need to vent about your kids! dnmgiordano at hot....you can guess the rest......mail.com

Michelle Giordano

Reply to
Doug&Michelle

Oh you poor girl! There, there! (pat, pat, cuddle)

I've been there, although mine were three years apart. Back then, I had handles, NOT knobs on all my kitchen cabinet doors, and I had bike padlocks threaded through adjacent handles. That way, grownups could manipulate the combinations, but we didn't let the kids see what they were. Nowadays, I understand there are proper safety catches to put on all doors to childproof them - talk to your local hardware store, or perhaps a Google search might find them. Don't forget some kind of lock on the fridge and freezer as well.

While they are in this destructive stage, you MUST protect yourself, you will be no use to your kids if you are insane. If anyone thinks your house looks funny, just go all self-righteous and tell them you are PROTECTING your children from harming themselves.

Olwyn Mary in New Orleans

Reply to
Olwyn Mary

Try "toddler discipline":

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Reply to
BEI Design

We used magnetic locks on the cupboards with dangerous stuff in - medicines in the bathroom, cleaning stuff in the kitchen and anywhere there were things that could hurt. On the advice of friends, we left tupperware and other plastic stuff in a cupboard that was open so that it would satisfy our daughter's curiosity when she opened it. It must have worked. She's now 8 and shows no interest in cupboards!

On a more serious note, one of the children's hospitals in Sydney has a kidsafe house set up with some really practical tips to make your house toddler proof. Maybe there is something like this in your area. Also, try asking your local library about any ideas of who in the area may be able to offer advice, good books, pamphlets etc.

Another vital thing is it sounds like you could do with some time out by yourself on a regular basis. Any chance of being able to do some things alone for a short while like walking, swimming, even the household shopping?

Good luck and keep venting - it will keep you sane!

Reply to
Viviane

You need Toddler Taming! By Roger Green (Amazon will have it). :) This is an updated version of the one I was given (which I long since passed on - James is 11). When you get it, take a deep breath and relax with a cup of tea.

Also try cutting as much processed and pre-packet foods as possible out of their diet: don't be fanatical, just sensible. The occasional meal of oven chips and fish fingers is OK, but not wall to wall burgers and packet foods, and give them fresh milk and high fruit squash or diluted fruit juice rather than fizzy stuff full of artificial sweeteners, flavours and colours. Fresh fruit or raisins and dries apricots for little treats and sweets once a week is another good rule. You might find them less frenetic and destructive if you do. But remember that rules are made to be broken good and hard for special occasions! :)

Put certain dangerous and precious things out of reach, locks on cupboards if you must, and PLAY with the kids and their toys on the floor for a couple of hours a day at least! I cannot dispose of or pass on James's Duplo or Playmobil 123 because of the hours and HOURS of fun we had with it on the floor when he was the age yours are now. I sewed in the evening after he was in bed, or when he wanted some quite time to himself. I put a baby gate in the door between his play space (child-proofed living room) and mine (kitchen/dining areas) so he and I could see and hear each other, and we often met at the gate for a kiss and cuddle, and got on happily in our own areas.

He learned to sleep through the vacuum cleaner, and 'polished' tables and chairs while I did real cleaning. You might also try putting a dab of face powder on their noses and a squish of perfume on their tummies when you do your make-up, and then put the stuff out of sight and mind in a stiff to open drawer! My mum did this with us (three girls and a boy) occasionally when getting ready to go out, and we never ever played with her stuff! You could take another leaf out of her book: her bedroom was PRIVATE! NO KIDS ALLOWED! NOT EVER! (or only by special invitation, very occasionally). This lesson has stuck so well that at

49 I STILL feel like I'm trespassing if I go in there with the vacuum cleaner to do the floor!

And comfort yourself: say This is NOTHING to what they'll be like as teenagers, when hormones and exams coincide! (When they ARE teenagers, you'll be comforting yourself with the idea that this is nothing to the stuff they got into as toddlers! ;D )

Reply to
Kate Dicey
**TAKE THE TIME** to do it -- and the heck with the house looking funny. Anyone who has, or who has had, a kid will understand you're doing this; anyone who doesn't, well, it's your house, and your kids, right?

Buy enough child proof latches for all the cabinets in your home and put anything they can get into that you don't want them to in a cabinet thus secured. The latches are available at Walmart, Lowes, etc. They could save a life.

Continue to put everything else up out of their reach--as they get older you'll have to put the stuff higher but don't worry by the time they are

5' tall they won't be interested in it anymore (as they will have other interests).

-Irene

-------------- You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.=20

--Mae West=20

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Reply to
IMS

Hi Kitty, Toddlers can be a handful and cause more trouble in 5 minutes that a tank rolling through the house. Even though our children are grown and now parents, we have never removed most of the childproofing safty meadures we took when they were at the toddler stage. That's because there are still toddler grandchildren visitng here. We have all medicines stored in high cabinets, cabinet locks and harmful things like cleaners are in high cabinets. We still have bumpers on the hearth. If anyone asks why, we just say Grandchildren. That explains it all. You have to think how far out of reach is enough and then go a little higher. Get some locks for your cabinets. If you can't fit them to the drawers and doors, rearrange everything. I still only keep things like pots and pans and plastic bowls down where children can reach. When they come to visit I feel that I have made my house a safer place for them. Juno

Reply to
Juno

I have one answer for you. RUBBERMAID BINS!

Plastic bins are a mother's best friend. Put everything you don't want them to touch into plastic storage bins, including your make-up. Buy different sizes for different types of items. They usually seal quite tight (if you buy a decent brand) and are difficult for small toddler hands to pry open. They are especially good for items of theirs that you don't want them to touch unless they are under supervision, such as crayons and Play-doh. They also snack neatly in cupboards and on shelves. If you don't buy the clear ones nobody can see what's inside and your kids won't be interested in things that are not in plain site. As they get older the bins will be great for toys and storage.

Good luck, it get's easier!

**TAKE THE TIME** to do it -- and the heck with the house looking funny. Anyone who has, or who has had, a kid will understand you're doing this; anyone who doesn't, well, it's your house, and your kids, right?

Buy enough child proof latches for all the cabinets in your home and put anything they can get into that you don't want them to in a cabinet thus secured. The latches are available at Walmart, Lowes, etc. They could save a life.

Continue to put everything else up out of their reach--as they get older you'll have to put the stuff higher but don't worry by the time they are

5' tall they won't be interested in it anymore (as they will have other interests).

-Irene

-------------- You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.

--Mae West

--------------

Reply to
Cookie

Is your makeup in the bathroom? Shut the door. I have to keep the bathroom doors shut unless I am with my DD as she has become very adept at climbing from the toilet to the sink all by herself. If they can open the door knob, then put a hook and eye latch up higher out of their reach.

And chat with the other mothers of the world. But don't forget your special time too. You need to be able to leave the children with Daddy or a sitter or a grandparent and enjoy a few hours to yourself each and every week - and at least 15-30 minutes each day. A hot shower while Daddy watches DD on Saturday and Sunday mornings is some of the greatest relaxation time I have!

Most of all, take a deep breath, count to ten and tell them you love them. Watch them sleep - heck take a picture of them sleeping! There's nothing more angelic than a sleeping child, and maybe that photo hanging on your refrigerator will help relax you during those stressful moments.

Dannielle in MD

Reply to
Dannielle

Kitty In Somerset, PA wrote: > I NEED HELP, I don't know anybody to ask and I don't even know what to

Can you find a playgroup in your area? Even just once a week to meet with other moms and let the kids play (though with toddlers that means erratic conversations punctuated with "No, don't put that in your nose. No, don't put that in Johnny's nose either."). Churches, town halls, libraries are good places to start looking for playgroups this time of year. This will give you some time out of the house, time with other adults, and let the kids burn some steam. It might also show you that your boys are, well, just like every other toddler. Hell bent on keeping you on your toes. In addition to locking down anything and everything (yes! do this! better to look a little funny for a little while than have anything reall bad happen) also make sure you have 'safe' destructive zones. I have a cabinet with tupperware that my 18month old knows is "ok" to play with. And teach "Clean Up". Sing the Barney song ("Clean up clean up everybody everywhere, clean up clean up everybody do their share") and have them attempt to put things in their right places after a destructive spree. This will be tough going at first, but my 4 year old can now handle a sweeper, dust pan and brush, and can even rinse off her own snack stuff and put it in the dishwasher. Even if they just toss a few toys back into the toy box (while you put in about 50), praise them and make them know that this is the right thing to do. One year apart is tough. Batten down the hatches, create a 'safe zone', and keep 'em busy. It'll go by faster than you ever thought possible. HTH!

-julia

Reply to
julia

Pedant that I am...His name is Christopher Green. Normally I wouldn't nitpick but it may be hard to find the book without the correct first name as Green is hardly an unusual name!

His books are excellent - he has also written one on babies and ADHD. He writes very simply and a lot of what he says is common sense that makes you wonder why you didn't think of that. Of course he isn't the one holding the screaming baby at 3.00am!

As an aside Dr Green is a paediatrician at >> Hi all,

Reply to
Viviane

A BIG thank you!!!! to everyone!!!! I'm working on trying all your suggestions. I have bought three baby gates to confine them to the LR for play, and working on the cabinet locks.

I never minded them taking all the tea cans out of the cupboard, or all the food out of the cupboard or all the pans out of the cupboard.... I only have three cupboards besides the ones under the sink, so no cupboard to dedicate to tupperware. Maybe I should dedicate the tea cupboard to safe stuff for them to trash. LOL it is small and independently situated.

the makeup was that mineral stuff that was available in the seventies, and touted as good for doing your whole makeup scheme, ONE makeup for fingernails, eye shadow, cheeks and lips.... I just never thought to throw it out, and it WAS in a difficult drawer. I have to assume the two year old opened it and got it out and opened. It was in a (get how stupid I am.) corked jar, that it came in. Egyptian Minerals it was called.

I AM the grandma, the boys live with me. I get an evening about once a month to go out for a cuppa with my hubby, when both moms are available to keep their kids at the same time. The one daughter is unreliable to say the least, the other is going to school full time and working full time. and she lives with me as well. so I don't actually get much time off from the little one.

I love these boys, and most of the time I am just grateful to have them, they are such a joy and full of love and happiness, but sometimes I fell like I am to old for this. I'm just grateful I am 50 not sixty. LOL

Well I'd better get busy, nothing gets done if I don't do it and I smell another round of clean diapers are in order.

Thanks to all of you, you can bet I am going to go through your answers and stard doing them all.

Kitty, the tired Gramma.

Reply to
Kitty In Somerset, PA

I have one answer for you. RUBBERMAID BINS!

Plastic bins are a mother's best friend. Put everything you don't want them to touch into plastic storage bins, including your make-up. Buy different sizes for different types of items. They usually seal quite tight (if you buy a decent brand) and are difficult for small toddler hands to pry open. They are especially good for items of theirs that you don't want them to touch unless they are under supervision, such as crayons and Play-doh. They also snack neatly in cupboards and on shelves. If you don't buy the clear ones nobody can see what's inside and your kids won't be interested in things that are not in plain site. As they get older the bins will be great for toys and storage.

Good luck, it get's easier!

Reply to
Cookie

Kitty,

We had *one* lower cabinet in our kitchen that we dedicated just for plastic stuff...measuring cups, bowls, storage containers, etc. This one was, naturally *never locked* and the kids spent hours taking stuff out, putting it back in, and taking it out again. Since it was all safe stuff, it wasn't a problem!!=20

-Irene

-------------- You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.=20

--Mae West=20

--------------

Reply to
IMS

Ooops, sorry Kitty. Didn't realize you were the Gramma. You are a brave and wonderful woman for raising these boys - cousins right? If it comes right down to it, hire yourself a sitter and save your sanity. Even the playgroups are helpful. We have some grammas and grampas that bring their kids to some different groups that I attend with DD. So jump in and take care of yourself!

Sometimes, after you have raised your own kids and then you go back to such a young age, you forget all about things that the kids would do - what their little brains and bodies are up to at certain ages. Knowing these milestones helps, and if you don't remember, get a book to help you out some. I know that the "What to Expect..." series has some great help for the toddler age, but can't remember what age they go up to (I'm still in year one...just about to hit year two). If they don't have one appropriate for the age of your boys, get a child development book from the library (with some help from their pediatrician's office or the library staff) and do a little reading up.

And sometimes things don't get done...don't sweat it. Cover the important things and let some small things slide every now and again. It's ok. This was one of the hardest things I had to learn!

Dannielle

Reply to
Dannielle

My admiration for you has gone up even more. Your daughters are very lucky that you are helping with raising their children. That's great for everyone concerned but don't forget to look after yourself too.

Reply to
Viviane

Kitty, you are a great grandma and you have gotten a lot of good advice. I do remember dedicating one low cabinet to unbreakables in the kitchen and that one was the only one the little one was allowed into, but everything in it was OK for her to scatter all over the kitchcn and play with (her favorite was the

4-piece drip coffeepot). And she was given her own collection of magazines. We were and are readers so there was always a lot of books, magazines and newspapers about. She could do anything she wanted with hers as to destruction; ours were only for sitting quietly and being careful with. She quickly learned the difference. Children do want rules. Enjoy the babies and have a quiet time every day when you know they are safe and happy.

Jean M.

Reply to
Jean D Mahavier

This is something we did, too. We always had a low drawer or cupboard with the kids' plastic dishes in them, so the girls could get them without help. My mother-in-law always kept plastic containers (like deli and margarine containers) in a basket in the kitchen, and whenever we visited, our daughter would "go to work", emptying the basket and matching up lids, etc. It was a family joke that she made a beeline to that basket.

The important thing to remember is that "this too, shall pass". It doesn't seem like it now, but this stage is a brief blip in your life, and the very best advice is what Kate gave you: Play with the kids. Now, while they still want you to. They will be more satisfied because they get your attention, and you will be making memories with them that will last much longer than your current frustration. I promise. :)

Cyberhugs, Karen Maslowski in Cincinnati Wild Ginger Software Certified Educator

Viviane wrote:

Reply to
Karen Maslowski

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