Sad Commentary

We have a Mill End Fabrics in Reno, no association with yours that I can see, but a wonderful resource and the first on my list for fabrics and most notions.

We also have a Hancock's, a JoAnn's, a $2/yard Fabric, and at least two Little Quilt Shops. All in all, not bad for a city the size of Reno. Of course, some are in Sparks, but there's no gap between Reno and Sparks anymore.

I was not familiar with the movie until just now. Looks fun.

I watched Clint Eastwood's "Flags of out Fathers' tonight. I'm conflicted... :-|

Beverly

"BEI Design" wrote in message news:26ydndPZRIjF5HfYnZ2dnUVZ snipped-for-privacy@comcast.com...

"out" S/B "Our"

A friend sent me the following, which while off-topic for sewing, is very on-topic for the kind of relationships formed here:

UCLA Study on Friendship Among Women By Gale Berkowitz 10-29-06

A landmark UCLA study suggests friendships between women are special. They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more.

Scientists now suspect that hanging out with our friends can actually counteract the kind of stomach-quivering stress most of us experience on a daily basis. A landmark UCLA study suggests that women respond to stress with a cascade of brain chemicals that cause us to make and maintain friendships with other women.

It's a stunning find that has turned five decades of stress research

-- most of it on men -- upside down. "Until this study was published, scientists generally believed that when people experience stress, they trigger a hormonal cascade that revs the body to either stand and fight or flee as fast as possible," explains Laura Cousino Klein, Ph.D., now an Assistant Professor of Biobehavioral Health at Penn State University and one of the study's authors. "It's an ancient survival mechanism left over from the time we were chased across the planet by saber-toothed tigers".

Now the researchers suspect that women have a larger behavioral repertoire than just "fight or flight." "In fact," says Dr. Klein, "it seems that when the hormone oxytocin is released as part of the stress responses in a woman, it buffers the "fight or flight" response and encourages her to tend children and gather with other women instead. When she actually engages in this tending or befriending, studies suggest that more oxytocin is released, which further counters stress and produces a calming effect. This calming response does not occur in men", says Dr. Klein, "because testosterone -which men produce in high levels when they're under stress -- seems to reduce the effects of oxytocin. "Estrogen", she adds, "seems to enhance it."

The discovery that women respond to stress differently than men was made in a classic "aha!" moment shared by two women scientists who were talking one day in a lab at UCLA. "There was this joke that when the women who worked in the lab were stressed, they came in, cleaned the lab, had coffee, and bonded", says Dr. Klein. "When the men were stressed, they holed up somewhere on their own. I commented one day to fellow researcher Shelley Taylor that nearly 90% of the stress research is on males. I showed her the data from my lab, and the two of us knew instantly that we were onto something."

The women cleared their schedules and started meeting with one scientist after another from various research specialties. Very quickly, Drs. Klein and Taylor discovered that by not including women in stress research, scientists had made a huge mistake: The fact that women respond to stress differently than men has significant implications for our health.

It may take some time for new studies to reveal all the ways that oxytocin encourages us to care for children and hang out with other women, but the "tend and befriend" notion developed by Drs. Klein and Taylor may explain why women consistently outlive men. Study after study has found that social ties reduce our risk of disease by lowering blood pressure, heart rate, and cholesterol.

"There's no doubt," says Dr. Klein, "that friends are helping us live." In one study, for example, researchers found that people who had no friends increased their risk of death over a 6-month period. In another study, those who had the most friends over a 9-year period cut their risk of death by more than 60%.

Friends are also helping us live better. The famed Nurses' Health Study from Harvard Medical School found that the more friends women had, the less likely they were to develop physical impairments as they aged, and the more likely they were to be leading a joyful life. In fact, the results were so significant, the researchers concluded, that not having close friends or confidantes was as detrimental to your health as smoking or carrying extra weight!

And that's not all! When the researchers looked at how well the women functioned after the death of their spouse, they found that even in the face of this biggest stressor of all, those women who had a close friend confidante were more likely to survive the experience without any new physical impairments or permanent loss of vitality. Those without friends were not always so fortunate.

Yet if friends counter the stress that seems to swallow up so much of our life these days, if they keep us healthy and even add years to our life, why is it so hard to find time to be with them? That's a question that also troubles researcher Ruthellen Josselson, Ph.D., co-author of "Best Friends: The Pleasures and Perils of Girls' and Women's Friendships (Three Rivers Press, 1998).

"Every time we get overly busy with work and family, the first thing we do is let go of friendships with other women," explains Dr. Josselson. We push them right to the back burner. That's really a mistake because women are such a source of strength to each other. We nurture one another. And we need to have un pressured space in which we can do the special kind of talk that women do when they're with other women. It's a very healing experience."

Taylor, S. E., Klein, L.C., Lewis, B. P., Gruenewald, T. L., Gurung, R.A.R., & Updegraff, J. A. "Female Responses to Stress: Tend and Befriend, Not Fight or Flight", Psychological Review, 107(3), 41-429.

I can without hesitation testify to the accuracy of that paragraph. Although it has taken me 5+ years to fully "survive" DH's death, I am certainly no worse off physically now than before his death, and may actually be better, because I walk regularly now, and did not while he was alive. I do value my many female friends, both here and in real space.

Beverly

It is interesting that other women we have never seen, nor heard their voices, count among our friends and we share personal experiences and feelings just as we do with those we meet face to face. In some cases, our on-line friends give more support because we can reach out to them at any time - a telephone call or personal visit would not be so welcome, even by a close friend, at 2 or 3 in the morning. We may have to wait for a response, but sometimes it is the expressing that is more important.

I doubt I have ever agreed with anything more than I do with your statement her, Joanne. Emily

It has been a great resource and source of support to me, and I am grateful for it.

lol You betcha. ;) Even though you found another source already, glad to help. I love Atlanta Thread. They have the most amazing stuff. But I have found that the best way to find things on the website is to use the search box. I think it's because they have So Much stuff that paging through just takes too long. See if you can get on their mailing list. The catalog is free (or was when I got on the mailing list.) They send out usually 4 per year, or once a season. Spring, summer, fall and winter. The print catalogs are wonderful. I've also always had tremendous dealings with them on the phone. Since I usually order from the print catalog, I just call them. Really a great source for all kinds of things. Since they cater to so many professional tailors, etc. you can find stuff there that TSWLTH (all of them) have never heard of. ;)

Sharon

I buy underwear, socks, school/work shirts and trousers, and other stuff like that for James & Alan in BHS (Bristish Home Stores), which is very like M&S and less expensive. Multi-packs of socks and pants work out at about £1 a pair ni their cheap & cheerful ranges, which are quite good enough for a growing lad, or fopr Alan to mislay in hotels and hire cars (not that he has - yet!).

Compared with places like Next and other high street fashion stores and the departments stores, both M&S and BHS are very good value for money.

As for hair canvas: here in the UK my first port of call is SidTrim in Leeds. After theat I look at McCullis wand wallace in London, but they are usually a lot more expensive. Both places do mail order. I've also occsionally had it from Croft Mill, but you have to grab it when you see it there, rather than being able to buy it when you want it.

Oh, nice one! :) DH managed to leave his card in Whittards tea & coffee emporium last Saturday, but the lass behind the counter had put it in the till for him and had it waiting when he rang and then went back for it.

At one time, I received Atlanta Thread catalogs, but after moving to CA, then back to TX, I stopped getting them. Sharon, you just reminded me to call and ask them to start a new subscription. Thank you, Emily

Ok, sweetie, I'll add you to my beneficiaries. ;-)

And I appreciate it. I prefer, when possible, to buy locally and this time I was able to find what I needed, but I have an extensive list bookmarked for the eventuality that I won't find stuff here.

Funnily enough, I did use the search box. "Hair Canvas" did not return any hits a few days ago. :-|

Thanks again,

Beverly

Sad, but unfortunately all too common these days.

Best/worst example I can recall happened during while I was on vacation, and had decided to visit the local branch of a store that I shopped in regularly back home.

I'd just stepped in and was still near the front of the store when I overheard one of the staff answer a customer with "we don't have that". I called out and told them exactly where it was. They were both a bit shocked to find it, just where I said it was located.

And a friend of my told me about being in a fast food place (masquerading as a restaurant), where the "associate" didn't know what a "utensil" was, and said they had never heard of it before.