The Feds are back!

From the bottom step Jean looks down at the menagerie, then at the Feds. "You again! Carl, why are you two back?" He looks down at his shoes and shrugs.

"um, well, we wanted to go somewhere warm. That is, the bear and the penguins were too cold at Kate's and wanted that, and it seemed a good idea to Boss Fed and me, too, at the time. We remembered how nice you were to us before, and it's warm here. We could help you out like before; you remember, in your sewing room there. You said that was a real nice job we did. And it was snowing at Kate's!"

Jean thinks back, remembering how nicely they straightened everything out, folding each piece of her stash, sorting it into woven-or-knit, heavy-or-light, and the thread was even better! Boss Fed did know the difference between fuchsia and hot pink, they had cleaned and oiled her sewing machines and the serger. Besides, now there were three more machines they could do. "Well, I suppose you could stay for a few days again, provided you behave and don't make any noise. DH would not take kindly to the likes of you! But what about the circus you brought with you? I do not run a zoo here!"

The penguins realized they were being talked about in a not-too-kindly fashion and the polar bear looked like it might cry. It sidled over to the step and looked up at Jean, taking off the Raybans so as to appear a bit friendlier. "We won't be any trouble, really we won't. A warm mug of tea now and then, and an occasional dip in the bathtub would be nice. We're really neat and well- behaved. We gave Mistress Kate no bother at all."

Jean found that hard to believe, but it would be interesting to live with a half-dozen miniature penguins and a small polar bear. The Feds were OK before, and she sure could set them to work on the sewing room. The new cabinets needed their drawers and shelves stocked from the closets and the stash was totally out of control; she hadn't had time to straighten it out since her neighbor up the street gave her a pile of cotton prints from her attic.

"All right, a few days. But you know the rules, Boss Fed and Carl, and let the menagerie know what they are: DH must not know about your presence. I'll go put the kettle on, we'll have a cuppa and then you two get to work and the rest stay out of trouble." She went upstairs to the kitchen and got out tea and mugs. Her big white teapot had been broken; the little green one would have to do. In a few minutes she carried a tray downstairs to find the penguins and the bear in the bathtub half-filled with water. The polar bear was playing with the plastic ducks it found in one corner while the penguins surfed about from one end of the tub to the other, clearly enjoying the warm water. Boss Fed and Carl stood in the bathroom doorway, laughing at the antics.

"Thanks, Mistress Jean," the two chorussed, "for the stay and the tea."

(to be continued)

Reply to
Jean D Mahavier
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To be continued? WHY??

What is this about and what's it doing here? Where is IMS when she's actually needed to police this NG? Just wondering... JPBill

Reply to
WB

Thank you Jean! That works a treat...

Now don't work them too hard over in your sewing room - I need those lads to find my missing fabric!

Reply to
Kate Dicey

It's about a pair of federal agents who have become trapped in the sewing rooms of this newsgroup...

They strayed in here courtesy of some troll, several years back, and we have played with them on and off ever since. The stories (Jean and I take turns when the moon is blue!) are always sewing related in some way, and are here to amuse...

Just ignore if you want to. A google of the archives will soon turn up their origins and the last time we played with them.

Reply to
Kate Dicey

My sewing room is an incredible mess -- when the feds have sorted your stash and found Kate's fabric, you might tell the penguins and polar bear that I have a whole lake to splash in, and the weather is getting warmer every day.

Sigh. I just found that I do have several yards of black cotton pocketing, but it's a mite *too* sturdy for the patch I want to underline. It might could be that I'll have to *buy* something. (and pocketing doesn't come in fat quarters.)

Ooh, I haven't been to Lowery's since the last time I ran out of beige thread!

I haven't been into the box of scraps marked "yarn dyed" yet. (Includes piece dyed stuff; the original label was "solids and woven-ins".)

In the box was a piece of black that's too thin, and several cottons just the right weight, but the darkest is navy. But while putting the box away, I discovered that the stack of stuff to put into the boxes the next time I brought in the step-stool included most of the blacks from the box of solid scraps! None quite as coarse as I'd like, but broadcloth will do.

Thanks, feds -- and now would you tackle the papers we shoveled into boxes when we moved five years ago?

Joy Beeson

Reply to
Joy Beeson

And when they're done at your house, could they come here and shred 20 years' worth of tax records? Yikes, what a job--they have literally taken over an entire closet!

Karen Maslowski > Thanks, feds -- and now would you tackle the papers we shoveled into

Reply to
Karen Maslowski

Here we need to keep them for about seven years... Unfortunately I don't think DH and I have *ever* deliberately binned a tax document, a pay slip, or a bank statement! We *have* shredded the 10+ year old shit bills...

Reply to
Kate Dicey

I have a good shredder, but when it comes to tax records, I use my wood-burning fireplace...and stir the ashes...

All right, yes, I'm paranoid!

I have all our tax returns back to the year we were married: 1960! I'm banging my head against the wall wondering why we thought it necessary to retain all the monthly statements/invoices/bills as well.

Beverly

Reply to
BEI Design

Yep, that's my problem, as well, although a couple of years ago I got rid of stuff from 1970 up to about 1982.

Kate, we are also only supposed to keep seven years' worth of records. But it gets away with one!

Karen Maslowski in Cincinnati

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BEI Design wrote:

Reply to
Karen Maslowski

God alone knows how many years worth of stuff we could bin if I only got round to emptying the boxes in the loft and filing the USEFUL and NECESSARY stuff, and tossing the rest! I dare not look!

Reply to
Kate Dicey

But Kate, think of how much more ROOM you might end up with! Might be worth it.

Karen Maslowski in Cincinnati

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Kate Dicey wrote:

Reply to
Karen Maslowski

Actually, if you buy a house, I believe you are supposed to keep the records from that year until you sell it.

Reply to
Melinda Meahan - take out TRAS

The house-buying records yes, but not all the utility bills! Especially not the shit bills! We're on cesspool drainage...

Reply to
Kate Dicey

Kate Dicey skrev:

You mean you don't keep your shit bills? Well, POO on you! :-)

Erin

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Reply to
Museumbitch

We tend to keep the last five years worth rather than the last 25 years worth! :) Really, it's just so that we have something to compare when/if we sell: we'd like to be able to show potential buyers that cesspool drainage with separate, much reduced, water rates are not a problem, and cost no more than being on mains drainage. We can also keep an eye on emptying intervals and rising costs. It's odd that having gusts for a weekend makes no difference to the emptying interval, but prolonged wet weather does!

Reply to
Kate Dicey

Melinda, we do keep our home records, but that takes a small file in the file cabinet. The tax records from our three businesses for the last 25 years takes up an entire closet!

Karen Maslowski in Cincinnati

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Reply to
Karen Maslowski

Time flew and Jean didn't get back downstairs until the next morning. She found the tea tray on her new cutting table, missing a mug, and the lid was off the teapot, next to the polar bear's small suitcase. Peering into the pot she found the bear curled up in the bottom, sound asleep. But where were Boss Fed and Carl? Nowhere to be seen! She poked into one closet and discovered the missing mug on a shelf, filled with dozing penguins. "I guess they wore themselves out yesterday surfing," she thought, and smiled.

Then she noticed a foot sticking out from under the bed. "Aha! I've found you!" and poked the foot. Some grumbling came from down there as Carl stuck his head out.

"We figured it would be better to sort of hide out in case your husband wandered down here," he said, and scooted out. "I'll wake Boss and we'll get back to work, there's still lots to do. You wouldn't mind bringing another dose of tea, would you? I can ease out the bear."

"Oh, I suppose I could do that, DH has left for his office," and she picked up the tray. "I'll bring another mug, leave the birds asleep." Carl gently lifted the bear from the teapot and set the pot back on the tray.

Jean returned in a few minutes with tea and some toast just as Boss Fed was emerging from under the bed. "Good morning to you!" he greeted her, seeing the breakfast tray. "Just you wait to see what we got done yesterday after you went back upstairs," he said as he took a mug of tea.

Just then there were small noises from the closet as six penguins popped out of the mug. Jean picked it up and discovered a piece of fabric folded at the bottom. "What's this?" and there was a lot of hemming and hawing in response. She pulled it out and unfolded a handkerchief-sized bit of blue and black cloth. Strange, it was awfully heavy, and it had a sort of acanthus-looking leaf pattern that was so small as to be nearly invisible.

Finally Carl managed to begin a long-winded explanation which amounted to the following, cut down to size: "We was issued a new piece of equipment intended to make our trips a bit more comfortable. Like when we had to stay for days on end in that steamer trunk in your basement. It was so crowded. And hiding under beds. Well, what it does is make us smaller, but we weren't planning on using it unless it was really necessary, as it still has some bugs. That's how we ended up with the polar bear and those birds: we had it aimed in the wrong direction. We hadn't learned to use it properly. The penguins came when we were trying to learn how to aim the blooming thing when we were in the Antarctic on a mission. The bear came earlier; it came with us from Alaska. If we're going to learn how to get things back to size I guess we'd best not try that here," and he helped himself to a slice of toast. "You wouldn't happen to have a can of sardines for our travelling companions, would you?"

Jean was still thinking about possibly having full-sized penguins and a really big bear on her hands when she remembered about Kate digging for days in the loft for a particular piece of fabric. "Don't you dare fool with that thing here! Hand it over right now! We are not risking full-blown bears, penguins, or anything else!" She held out her hand and waited. "Now!" she repeated and Carl pulled a small black gadget from a pocket inside his Italian-styled jacket. "Is that all?" Jean demanded and Boss Fed handed her a similar red item.

"These have to be plugged together so as to work right," Boss explained, and we really don't understand them at all." A major understatement, since somehow Kate's long-lost yardage had been miniaturized. "We didn't do anything with them at Mistress Kate's, we suspect the bear fooled around with them while Carl and I were napping. It had spotted that fabric under a pile of other stuff and wanted it for a new suit, figuring she had so much of a stash she'd never miss it. At least that's what the bear said."

At this Jean burst out "Polar bear suit indeed! That was intended for covering a sofa! Now look at it! It wouldn't make a decent antimacassar! I'm going back upstairs to think without any of your weak explanations as to what these things might or might not do. Don't get into any more trouble or so help me, I'll find a way to shrink you so small I can flush the lot of you!" and up she stomped, muttering about bears and penguins and Feds. Soon she heard the bathtub water running and splashing sounds and couldn't help but smile. But then she began thinking about getting Kate's lost blue and black fabric back to her, and wondered if it would be possible to figure out how the two-part gadget worked. That crew got here, so Kate must have used her scanner for the whole mess of them somehow. The question was, How?

(to be continued)

Reply to
Jean D Mahavier

Jean, that's a classic! And thank you! I love the way the fabric seems to have miniaturized without getting any lighter!

My fabric *did* turn up! It wasn't in the fabric stash at all... It was in the bottom of a humongouse zippy bag in which I store the double and king sized duvets I have for the sewing room bed in it's double bed phase, and the downstairs sofa bed! It was lurking at the bottom, under the under-blankets. I found it when I was turning stuff up for airing and making up the beds for the visitors who have just left this morning!

Oooooh, I were ded cross! All that energy stirring up the stash, and there it was in the bottom of the spare bedding! GRRRR! At least I earned a few exercise points!

The fabric is now firmly where I hope it will stay: round at Auntie Mo Next Door's draped over her garden room sofa, trying to look good enough to use! :) Her only reservation is that it is plain rather than patterned, and she's a bit leary of dog fluff (large German Shep/collie cross!) and marks from 4 grandsons showing a bit too readily on a plain cover.

Have a think, Jean, and get those feds to Mo with that fabric! Harry will have a field day slobbering on them! ;) Never mind the fun two hunting cats would have with a bunch on mini-penguins, a tiddly polar bear, and a couple of 6" high feds!

Reply to
Kate Dicey

Brava!!!

Reply to
BEI Design

Between your experience and mine, we have a new entry for the FAQ: when a piece of fabric goes missing, first sort through all the bedding!

Joy Beeson

Reply to
Joy Beeson

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