The Lesson Took

Maybe this could be an opportunity for the youngsters to spend time with people who aren't going to be around when they get older. Usually there are lots of stories to tell, games to play, photo books to look at, that can make precious memories when the children are older. Neither the children nor the in-laws should be allowed to get over-tired, but it could be a precious chance for all of them.

Susan hopes fervently this will happen, and I'll share your ideas. While I had them here, I had many wonderful conversations with my Dad and DMIL about their lives.

These Grandparents so far have been very hands-off even though they live right here in town. I'm almost always the only one to show up for the children's concerts,plays, competitions, Grandparents Day at school, etc. Their relationship with the kids will have to be built from the ground up. Unfortunately, it appears there is some early onset of dementia in one or both.

Beverly

That is sad. Perhaps they will be able to connect better, though. They might not always understand who the children are. Your daughter has her hands full!!

Oh, they know who they are, they just aren't (or at least haven't been) hands-on grandparents.

She does indeed. I urged her to be sure she and DSIL are on the SAME PAGE about how they will handle issues such as discipline of the children, work-sharing, privacy, expenses, etc.

I just fervently hope the in-laws sell their house soon, and are able to move into an assisted living situation.

Beverly, who just finished 5.75 hours of sewing which DD will use as a credit against DGD's dance lessons. Whee!

Beverly--

(delurking)....perhaps even with their problems, by living in the same house as the kids, they will learn to love and appreciate them----

but, as a daughter in law who had an extremely difficult mother in law....please please stress the importance of she and her DH being on the same page. sometimes it seems, sons waffle when their wives need them to be strong....

betsey

Tell her I am proud of her for honoring her husbands family relationships.

when the time comes, I am going to have a hard time doing the same for my MIL and FIL.

Amen.

And sometimes that support can be as simple as a shared glance and a roll of the eyes affirming that, yes, in fact the elder in question is being an ass, possibly even deliberately, and you're not a bad person for thinking so...

An outcome fervently to be hoped for!

I was one of those rare creatures, loved and accepted by my future MIL from the get-go. It was a great pleasure and honor for me to have been able to care for her the last two years of her life. Sadly, that is not the situation with DD. And I love her husband, my DSIL, but I fear he is usually a very agreeable fellow, and hates confrontation. I just hope he is able to provide the support DD will need. 'Course, he know he'll have *me* to deal with... ;->

She knows I'll be here for her.

Beverly

I'll pass that along. ;-)

I was exceedingly fortunate in my choice of DMIL, we never had a cross word, and she never, by word or deed, criticized my (non-existent) housekeeping skills or child rearing style. She was truly a gem, and I miss her. I know how very lucky I was.

Beverly

Well done, both of you. I could NOT do this! Neither my mum nor I would survive - we are FAR too alike! ;)

Kate XXXXXX wrote in news: snipped-for-privacy@corp.supernews.com:

my mum & i would be fine. it's my dah i take after... it was a relief to both of us, and improved our relationship immeasurably, when i left home. :) should anything happen to my parents, i'd also become responsible for my older brother. that isn't something i look forward to. on the in-law side, my MIL always planned to go live with her younger daughter, until i took up with her youngest son. i'm thinking we should build a big house so there's room for all the in-laws eventually. lee

You do it when you have to... you both just grit your teeth and do it, and hope your DH lets you vent.

Kay

Mum has made all 4 of us promise to put her in a 'mad granny sanctuary' rather than torture us or herself like this! I could do it if we had a granny flat so she had her own front door. I love her dearly, but...

I never had to care for my mother, she died at 57. We would have butted heads, I left home for good when I was 18. Later we did re-establish a close relationship, but I'm not at all sure how having her in my home would have worked out.

My DMIL on the other hand was a pure joy to have here.

Beverly

Kay, I know you are actually caring for your mother, so kudos! Of course, it's a very good thing to have a supportive DH.

Beverly

I try very hard to appreciate my MIL. But most of the time, she makes it hard.

Mine was adorable. So is Mum in many respects. It's just that we are way too much alike ever to live together as adults. We recognised this when I was about 14: we saw it coming and used to laugh about it. We love each other dearly, and I'd go to the ends of the earth for her, but not live under the same roof!

My MIL lived with us for a few years. We were fortunately able to set her up with a MIL apartment in our attic, but her advancing M.S. made it difficult after a few years, and she went off to live with one of her daughters. That didn't work out terribly well, so she moved into senior housing where she had a little one-bedroom apartment in a "high-rise" - a four story building filled with others on SS or SSI. That went well until she had an accident with a hot cup of tea, and had to be hospitalized for burns. From there, she moved into a nursing home where she remains.

We suspect that at that point she was afraid to be on her own again. Things are going well, though, and she's happy where she is. Her mind is good, but her body is giving out, so the round-the-clock nursing care is important. She is well into her 80s now, but she has a cell phone and two daughters who live within about 30 minutes. We finance a constant supply of junk food for her room which means that most of the staff take their breaks there. She is never neglected. ;-)

Sounds like a perfect situation for all concerned.

Beverly