I have a feeling that it'll be much the same with my mum - though probably without the junk food! My mum's idea of fast food was a hot grill, a fillet steak, salad out of the garden and a fresh bread roll! The closest she jets to junk these days is buying a hand baked ready made tart for pudding.
The junk food is not for MIL. It draws nurses, aides and orderlies like moths to a flame. I think it's usually Cheetos, which I don't know if you get there in the Olde Countrie.
Hah. My mom is an RN (retired) and Cheetos are like crack to her.
Packages of dried fruit go over well. Some of them even come individually wrapped in single servings (2 plum halves for instance). Sweet, sticky and you even get to feel virtuous for eating them.
Flavored coffees, cocoas or teas in single serve packets. Instant oatmeal. Microwave popcorn *sometimes* (it's so smelly and so easily burned that routine preparation can cause a permanent scorched, greasy stink). Boxes of those "100 Calories" bags of crackers and cookies.
My hands are clean. ;-) I send a check to my SIL every month. It's her job to stock the snack bar in Grandma's room. This is all very calculated. People coming to her room to get Cheetos keep her entertained and off the cell phone, and keep the complaints of neglect down to an absolute minimum. We had only one serious complaint when one time she was left on a bedpan for several hours. She used the phone then, and one of my SILs had a serious conference with the director, and there have been no further incidents.
Beverly--
you have no idea how much i envy your relationship with your MIL. Mine was difficult, at best. As one doctor told us "even if she did not have these mental issues, she would not be a pleasant person"....she was bipolar, with alcoholism thrown in for good measure. I can't help but think with her passing last year that she finally has some peace.
but still, i'd love to have a MIL like yours. Fortunatly, i have a wonderful mom.
betsey
Actually, mom died in July, so this is not an issue any more -- now I've got the estate issues to raise my blood pressure.
Mom's problems were so complex that I couldn't find a nursing home to manage all of them properly -- I was spending 18 hours a day 7 days a week at the home - - so we brought her home and I learned the ropes. I had terrific backup from one of the local hospitals, her primary care doctor, and the nurses at the clinic, not to mention DH, who took over as primary caregiver several times so I could have a sanity break at Puyallup.
It was interesting to watch our relationship change... there was about a decade where she didn't want anything to do with me. Once she was here and realized that she was much happier here than either in her own home or in a nursing home, her attitude changed a lot, making it much easier for me, even if I did have to play the heavy at times and make her eat her vegetables...
She was with us for about three and a half years, which is about three years longer than I think she could have survived in a nursing home. And it's not that I'm saying that the nursing home she was in was bad... it was actually very good... but she was a high needs patient and you really had to know her closely to manage her meds correctly.
Kay
Oh, Kay, I'm so sorry, I didn't know that. My condolences.
And I feel for you, I had my DH's estate issues (including a lawsuit against the driver who killed him), and about a month later my step-father-in-law died, and I was the personal rep of his estate as well. I had to play bad guy with a black sheep son in Colorado, who was very surprised to learn that all the loans he had hit the folks up for over the years were documented and came out of his share of the estate. Fortunately his sister and brother were both very happy to back me up, as he had borrowed money from them (also never repaid), too.
I feel sure I extended both my DF's and DMIL's lives by a few years when I took over their care. My Dad never wanted to trouble his docs, so he would nod in agreement even though half the time he either did not hear or didn't understand what the doctors said. After I started going to all his doctor's appointments, and later supervising his meds, he improved a lot. Not that you ever get over Parkinson's, but his quality of life was better after I made sure he took the meds he was supposed to take when he was supposed to take them.
Best wishes,
Beverly
I used to tell my husband I married *him* just to get *her*. ;-) And she knew how much I loved her.
Ugh! I'm so sorry, you had to deal with that.
Congratulations. Treasure her, mine died when I was 32, I still miss her every day. She taught me to sew.
Beverly
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