The Sound of Silence

Wise words. We have a friend who was widowed 18 months ago and her Hubbie with the very best of intentions sheltered her from such things. She had a very sharp and painful learning curve on how to deal with life on top of her grieving.

Yes, that made me chuckle when I read it!

In that respect my mum was lucky... Dad had spent so much of his time 'out of England' that she dealt with everything on the day-to-day house front, from plugs and fuses and lightbulbs to oil and water and tyre pressure for the car. Most of the time dealing with gutters dropping off and daylight coming through cracks in the walls, or the end dropping out of the house (the padre's house, not ours!), or a million cockroaches crawing out of the oven (Malta!) was dealt with by ringing Works (base housing minders) and bending their ears until they sent a team to fix the problem. Now she just talks to the Housing Association (they run their own management company for her development), and if it's covered by the general works list, it gets sorted, or she Gets A Little Man In. Luckily she's given up climbing ladders to change lightbulbs, and waits for Bro to do it.

Not just UK, it's used Downunder as well I still like and remember Eric Bogle's song about moggies, He's Nobody's Moggie Now it's a very cute song...

I hope the guys here will heed it as well. Had I died first, my DH would have been perfectly capable of most household chores and maintenance. Although, he would probably have hired someone to clean the bathrooms. ;-} What is it with guys and their inability to clean toilets??? Not like they don't *use* them!

Beverly

"Two peoples separated by a common language...."

MY DH tried to *protect me* early in our marriage and I wouldn't have any of it. I have my dad to thank for that. His mantra was you must be able to take care of yourself because you never know what life holds for you. He insisted that I be able to do small household repairs,balance check books, change a tire and many other things that at that time were considered man's jobs. DH was taking his cues from his dad and I was taking them from mine. DH realized very early on that we were both better off that way.We share responsibility for everything. It relieved him of many pressures and made life easier for both of us. His brother never learned that lesson and I think it's sad. His wife is clueless to a lot that happens in real life. Juno

I don't mind a bit of teasing from friends. Yes, DS does have to have a say in some things. LOL. He travels a lot. For some reason, the house seems to gets larger every year, and one day, we may have to hire someone to help me, although I like to do my own cleaning. I had a woman come in every 2 weeks when I worked, but not after I retired. Emily

Nope, you are a MAN. Not a guy, a boy, a kid.

Ye-es, unfortunately my dearly beloved has absolute mental blockages about things she doesn't want to be bothered with whilst I'm around! She has her own laptop, but will *not* try to expand her horizons. She thinks it's easier to ask me. She organises a ladies' reading group. They all read a particular library book each month then meet to discuss it - at least, that's the theory. It's far more of a meet for a natter event! They take it in turns to do a review for the library. SO today she says ' Can you tidy up and print out my review for this month?' So I have to tell her to switch on her laptop so I can access files which are on her lt to create a new report. Yes, I could put my foot down and say 'No, you do it. You'll never learn if you keep on asking me to do it.' But I guess like most men, I go for the easy, unconfrontational option.......

FWIW

i (among many other things) clean toilets, tubs, sinks, change poopy diapers , wipe poopy bottoms and i am the only one in the house that can clean up vomit and rinse it out of whatever it is on/in without adding more to it before the job is completed :)

i guess i am not a guy ? robb

Me mum did a good job bringing me up. There's nothing I won't tackle. I always cook when we entertain, although Audrey gets the clearing up behind me in the kitchen!

Laziness[1] tends to take over these days.....

[1] And MS, arthritis, and a cripplingly bad back if I'm on my feet for more than a few minutes.[2] [2] A real hard thing for me to admit to others was that I am unable to walk for more than a few yards without having to sit down.[3] Audrey obviously knew, but I did my best to hide it from others. Amazing how one learns to hide, conceal things..... [3] a fold-up mobility scooter that goes in the boot (trunk for them across the water :-) )has been an absolute godsend. We've started going out and about again.

My pet hate, that bit...

Ugh, yes... Some days the fibro hits me like that.

Isn't it!

Great! :D

In my case I have to keep going despite the pain, or I'll end up in a wheelchair! Dreadful thought, so I keep walking, keep swimming when I can (I managed 64 lengths, or one whole mile last Friday! The GMNT can do a whole length of 25m UNDERWATER!!!), climbing the loft ladder, heaving boxes and sewing machines about, and generally Doing Stuff until I colaps in a heap for a day or three to recover.

Now funnily enough, I can do most things like that without too mjuch trouble. It's standing around or a slow meander that gets to me quickest.....

But I tend to colaps as well! :-)

Oh, ye gods, yes! I have a friend who walks SO S l o w l y that I hurt trying to keep down to her pace! On my own, I clock up a reasonable pace and can keep going all day, so long as I have regular sit-down breaks.

Heap rules! ;)

I have to say that DH is a dab hand with a bog-brush.

Lizzy

Richard, You are not doing you or you DW any favors by not insisting she become more responsible for everything. Money, reports and simple repair jobs. You can't let her off the hook because it's easier that way.Marriage is a shared venture and you both have to be sure that the other person is fully aware of every thing and capable of taking over if necessary. There has never been a bill paid by either of us that the other one has not been informed about. My DH doesn't like to do much with the computer, but I insist he becomes better informed in it use. I don't mow the l aw but I sure as heck know how to use the lawn mower.And the list goes on and on and on. Helplessness is a dirty word in this house. Juno

Mine too, but it has to be pointed out that it needs doing...

Oh it ain't helplessness, it's stubbornness! And mine can be remarkably stubborn if the mood takes her.

We are both very independent characters, and we will turn our hands to anything if the need arises. No doubt in my mind, Audrey is already fully equipped to carry on if anything happened to me. She is more than capable of doing just about everything around the home, it's really a case of having to with my back which does limit me and what I can do. Mind you, she doesn't always tackle things in what I would consider to be the 'right' way, and that can lead to some discussion! :-)

She just doesn't want to be computer literate, no matter how much I push. And I do push!:-) I'll get there in the end.