We don't have private schools over here, my daughter was a very silent and behaved child growing up and was beaten, spit on an abused in every way by children in the class with problems at home or real problems in the child itself...
Overhere the school gets for every child a sum of money so even the children who need to be on a special school are staying in the 'normal' system, thats bad for them and bad for the rest of the class.
A teacher said to me after a complaint from me ( my daughters (8 years old) arm was black and blue) we see and hear the difficult children, we don't have time voor the nice ones, they don't need us........
My daughter hates school now, didn't finish highschool and finds it difficult to work with people because she doesn't trust anybody anymore......
I still hope she wil go back to school in time.......she is verry talented, draws manga and writes stories
Have often wondered about the Belgian model of school financing, where the money is attached to the pupils not the school, would work elsewhere, particularly the United States. Schools in Belgium have every incentive to make sure the "customers", in this case the child's parents are happy otherwise they will move their child to another school, and his/her stipend goes as well.
Am very sorry to hear your grand-daughter's story, Know I couldn't endure that sort of thing and would have moved heaven and earth to get my grandchild/child out of that situation. Failing that you just may have seen me on the evening news being lead away for battery.
You don't have a choise, all the schools are about the same, no private schools, homeschooling is not allowed over here....
I stopped part of the bullying by threatening the teachers and the school to go to the police and make them responsible for any physical damage , that stopped the beatings as such..the verbal abuse you can't stop......and I was labeled a 'tigermom':)
As a parent you try to make the right choises but school and society can make or break any child ( with or without problems)
Lee, I agree with you wholeheartedly on the food issue. There is way too much (excuse my language here) *crap* put into the convenience foods. That is totally at odds with our body chemistry. Look at the severe increase in Autism from 1 in several hundred thousand (I've forgotten the number) to 1 in 166. How are these people supposed to contribute to society. Check out a book on the Feingold diet and how behavioral changes occur when additives and colorings are removed from the diet. What this takes is doing what our grandparents and greats- did. Eat and prepare the food from it's natural state. From my experience I know that when I stay on the Atkins diet (*and* away from their pre-prepared food) that my weight declines easily and steadily, my emotional state is on an even keel. I have more energy and in general feel better with less pain and more stamina than is the norm from the fibromyalgia and myofascial pain syndromes. I was raised in a disciplined manner. Address anyone with Sir, Ma'am, Mr., Mrs., until invited(by them) to address them otherwise, "Hello, how are you", "I hope/am glad you are feeling better" etc. I've also found that this doesn't sit well in the current work world, too formal, you get mocked, and in general are not one of the *group*. We did chores from a very early age, ie. as soon as our elbows reached above the level of the counter while standing on a chair we were assigned dish washing duty, gardening, raking cut grass, leaves, wash the car, make our beds, clean our rooms, dust, vaccuumm,etc.
I also have ADD. All my sisters have it and/or an anxiety disorder. Were we fed completely au naturale? No, we were not breast fed and Mom did depend on jarred processed baby food. Yes, she did work. We now know that the more food is processed the more nutrients it loses. And we know from news exposes that this was not always done by the book (sugar water and food coloring in place of apple juice). Most of which(not all) was before regulation when companies would protect the bottom line before our health. Or before we knew that including substance X or excluding substance Z was injurious to our health. I've also realized that the introduction of the television was a negative influence on society. Kept us from learning hobbies or from social interaction with parents and others. Expecting instantaneous gratification from those TV shows solving all their problems within half an hour. Life just doesn't work that way.
This sure is a mixed up, screwed up world. What song was that from?
My daughter was a well-behaved, polite, articulate and intelligent child. As a result, her third grade teacher rewarded her by consistently seating her in the group with the worst-behaved kids in class and habitually partnering her troublemakers on group projects.
When I talked to the teacher, she said that it was because she wanted Elaine to "model appropriate behaviors" for these little wretches. She was furious when I told her that it was *her* job to get a handle on those kids, and that my daughter should not be forced to deal with their problems. It took bringing the principal and the gifted ed coordinator for the school into the situation in order to force her to quit using my daughter as her unpaid teacher's aide.
I read this posting several times over and didn't catch on until I re-read it after it posted to the group.
The section pulled out above was not meant for you personally. You are ,obviously, already clued in. My section on the natural food issue was meant for the general consumption.
What an interesting thread you started, Candide. ;)
I think the best part of Nanny 911 is the huddle all the nannies have in the beginning. Some of the expressions on some of their faces when they watch the tapes of the kids!! lol
I think there's a lot going on with kids now too. It's not just one thing any of us can point a finger at and say "ah ha!" But I agree with others who mentioned parents who want to be friends with their children. Don't get me wrong, it's not unusual at all to see me out in the driveway getting trounced by one or both kids at basketball, or curled on the couch with one of them watching a movie. But there is no doubt in either of their minds that Mom and Dad are the bosses around here. They have tons of other people to be their friends, they only have the 2 of us to be their parents. We both take that seriously.
I think the other thing that gets forgotten about is that they will only be children for a short time. They will be adults for a much longer time, but they will carry with them all the things they learned as children into adulthood. DH and I asked ourselves a long time ago what type of adults did we want to set loose in the world when our children are grown. The answer was unanimously healthy, productive, contributing members of society. So we've tried really hard to work towards that goal. They are both very generous little people. They love to donate to the Salvation Army bell ringers around the holidays. They love to hold doors for little old ladies. They know that you aren't given anything without asking "please," and you better follow that up with "thank you" or it may be the last thing you receive. ;) We pay them allowance every week IF they do their chores. You don't work, you don't get paid. Simple as that. You still have to do your chores, but it's for free, and it's really up to you how many privileges will be taken away until you do get the chores done. Laundry is on the floor and you have your TV on??? Oh I don't think so! ;) We also pay them if they mow grass without complaint, and when it needs doing. But if you argue with Dad when he says the grass needs cut, well choose carefully, 'cause you might end up mowing for the rest of the summer Gratis!
I guess the thing we've tried hardest to teach them is life is all about choices. You always have choices to make, and there are always consequences. Sometimes they are good consequences, sometimes bad. But whatever you choose, you have to live with those consequences.
I'll let y'all know how they turn out in another 20 years, but so far they look to be shaping up pretty well. ;)
"AK&DStrohl" wrote in news:45154528$0$19906$ snipped-for-privacy@news.enter.net:
um... i'm autistic (i'm 52) & so is my son. i think we contribute as well as most folks :) most autistics are NOT sitting in a corner rocking, really.
this is how we are raising our 6 year old, & it is reinforced in his school. it does bother me that many of his friend's parents drop the honorific though. i think that's confusing to him.
he doesn't vacuum. the vacuum cleaner is too loud. it's one of his sensitivities (although he's getting better & uses the Dust Buster now). he does take care of his chickens though & has since he was 3. he has 19 hens now, & too many roosters ;) he also knows how to operate the tractor backhoe & can operate the front bucket when we need a third hand. OB Sewing: i'm making new kitchen curtains & starting on a Renaissance outfit from Margo's patterns. lee
"AK&DStrohl" wrote in news:451547d9$0$19888$ snipped-for-privacy@news.enter.net:
oh, yes, we farm, so overprocessed stuff is not too frequent here :) i was accused of lying on rec.food.cooking when i said i never had bought a boxed cake mix! sheesh. lee
Well, I don't live on a farm, and I've never bought a boxed cake mix either. Never seen the point of them. Easier and nicer to make a cake with eggs, butter, flour...
A lot of cooking is like that! :)
Things I buy ready made:
Pasta! I CAN and HAVE made my own, and it's fun - but not for easy quick every day meals! I need a whole afternoon and a son to help wind the handle on the pasta machine... And then the damned stuff vanishes in seconds!
Tinned tomatoes: no salt or sugar added. I could can my own, but as we don't have a greenhouse or a tomato mountain...
Worcestershire, sauce, soy sauce, some stock cubes (though I also make my own stock when I can)...
Tomato purée Oven chips Marmite
Patak's curry pastes (again, I don't always - sometimes I make from scratch, and we don't eat them often)
Bread: I also make my own at times. But not too often, as then I eat more!
Canned soups: sometimes! I usually make my own.
Canned beans (not in sauce, though: just things like red kidney beans, borlotti beans, canellini beans, chickpeas... All in salted water, no added sugar)
I do buy certain portioned, frozen food, like salmon and chicken breasts, but they are not breaded, pre-cooked things
Things we usually make ourselves:
Mayonnaise Tomato ketchup Jam and marmalade (though I sometimes buy reduced sugar ones) Pizza! especially fun when James helps!
I dare say James is better behaved as well as better nourished on home cooked food rather than heaps of processed 'bollock burgers' as Jamie Oliver terms them. We rarely eat take-always or pre-prepared meals. I usually manage to cook one complete meal per day, and often two. Working at home has it's advantages, but I can also cook at speed when work interferes! I was brought up in a house that thought Fast Food meant shoving a fillet steak or a salmon steak under the grill and serving it with salad grown in the garden and some hot fresh bread!
I'm so glad you fought that one and won!!!! I really hate to see things like that happen. Because what normally happens is the reverse of what the teacher was hoping would happen. Usually the well behaved children see the heathens getting away with bad behavior and "cross over to the dark side."
*sigh*
We had to fight a similar mentality when our DD was in grade school. (she's a high school freshman now....where did the time go????? *sigh*) We went to talk to the teacher because we knew she was bored to tears in class. She has always been above grade level on reading and writing. But give her an assignment that's way too easy, and she will just blow it off. We ended up talking to the principal. The classroom teacher wanted desperately to give DD harder work to do, but was told she could not; she was to stick to the grade level curriculum only. The teacher even got called onto the carpet for giving more challenging spelling words for heaven's sake! So we met with the principal who told us that advanced children did not need harder work. They would always be advanced children even without a teacher pushing them to excel. HUH?????? Can we say "inspiring mediocrity???" I knew we could. So grateful 1. that principal has now retired and 2. we are no longer in that school system. There were some incredible teachers there, but the administration was backwards to say the least!
We are a very child-centered culture. Up until about 1940, children were not the center of the family. Children were labor. Families didn't have children to dote on them and enjoy them, they had them for their work on the family farm, in the family store, in the family workshop. Girls did housework and tended the younger children. All of them were family assets. A wife's worth was how many children she could have, and how much help she was in the family enterprise.
It seems that after WWII, when the men came home, the women left the jobs they'd filled, there was little need for child labor. There were laws against employing child labor. The men were not so often self-employed, but had "jobs" and the government pushed the women to stay home and be "homemakers." The importance of children changed. The women who had worked in family-owned enterprises or at war-related jobs, were sent home and told to vacuum once a day. I wonder if they began to fill the hours with paying more attention to the children....
As for government policies, well where does one start? It would be nice if moms (or dads) who didn't wish to work, and stay home to raise the children could afford to do so. Far to many children are being left on their own, and or being raised by parents that are just to knackered from working all day to "deal" with the children. Who hasn't had a really horrid day at work, with an equally horrid commute home only to be greeted at the front door with "mommy, mommy,mommy, mommy" and a litany of daily problems, spats and so forth. Then there is dinner to get, homework to be done, and still someone has to do the cleaning up.
I was left on my own, but had a list of chores to do before my mother got home from work. Among them was preparing dinner. If I had greeted her with "mommy mommy" I would have had my head in my hands to play with. ;-)
DH and I remind our oldest that we are NOT his friends, we are his parents. We love him dearly, but will not be treated as a buddy or disrespected in any manner. He and his sister both respond with yes sir/ma'am or no sir/ma'am. If they don't, they don't move until they correct their error. It is a matter of respect. With DS, it has carried over into school for the most part. DD is not yet 3, but she is doing well :-)
DS was diagnosed with ADHD - he will be getting re-evaluated in November. He is currently on medication that does help him focus and quiet down (chronic talker, apparently from both sides of the family). However, we have always had rules and guidelines - for both children. There is a morning routine, and an evening routine - in regards to food, bathing, self-care, etc. Afternoons with DD (she is in preschool
1 day a week) are girl time. We play together, make messes together (she has inherited some of my Barbie dolls) and run errands together. But lunchtime is ALWAYS at the exact same time every day followed by nap time.
Both children have a 3 hour quiet time to re-set and get ready for the rest of the day. DUring the week, that is when DD is napping. On weekends, DD still naps or plays quietly, and DS plays quietly in his room. This serves another purpose as well - gives DH and myself time to reset and have some quiet time together.
We are altering the foods that we consume - based on DHs PKD, DSs food allergies, and just the fact that we are getting tired of being tired! By the end of the year, we should know what, if any foods DD and I are allergic to and will continue to make food adjustments as needed.
Kids are healthier than a lot of their classmates/friends, so we must be doing something right.
I bet they are! AND better behaved, I should think!
I've taught a number of kids over the years, with things like ADHD, autism, and various unrelated behavioural difficulties, as well as kids with specific learning difficulties like dyslexia, and physical disabilities like missing limbs and spina bifida. All were in the mainstream classroom, and I had to cope with them and cater for their various needs, despite having no training (even though I asked repeatedly!), and no assistance in the classroom.
You know, the most difficult kids were the ones with NO problems but who had never been given adequate boundaries for acceptable behaviour at home. I've had 17 YO's who threw the kind of tantrum James grew out of at four, ducked missiles hurled by 15 YO girls intent on being flung out of school as they didn't like being told what to do, and had to wade in to stop kids ripping each other's ears off.
But the worst thing of all was the verbal in-fighting, politicking, and back-stabbing in the staff room. THAT'S why I escaped from teaching!
You have hit the proverbial nail on its proverbial head. My teaching experience was similar. I also found that the students I had the most trouble with were the jocks and the cheerleaders. The ones who had regular visits with probation officers were no problem at all -- I told them my rules and they followed them. The school "stars" felt that they were above those pesky rules - if I did anything, we might lose the next big game, and it would be all my fault.
Yes, the teachers were in this up to their earlobes, too. I even had teachers speak to me about giving low citizenship grades to students they favored for athletics or student council. Some of the teachers (and staff) seemed to believe that they were running the school.
Then you have never seen one with a true case of ADD, and ADD is often misdiagnosed in the same way that a doctor will say you have "a virus" if he/she doesn't really know what's wrong with you.
Its one of those conditions where its very easy to blame the person suffering from it, and make a judgement call on it, particularly if its something that annoys you. For some people, the quick fix seems to be to want to slap the bejeezus out of someone. Thinks it will them feel better, and oh so superior.
I've got multiple chemical sensitivities. Can't be around fragrance products. You better believe I get flak from folks who are addicted to their "signature scent". They just want the person (me) to go away. I have to work too though. And talk about someone wanting to slap the bejeezus out of someone, that's me when someone just won't take the hint.
Hm... James is now at a specialist sports school: it's a grammar school, so has a selective entry (takes only the academically bright kids), but has special sports status. Exactly the right place for him. The boys are not permitted to take part in their sports if the academic side isn't up to snuff! When I was teaching there last time (6 years ago) they had the policy in place then, and several lads who were behind with GCSE coursework missed important games that we lost because they were not up to date so were not permitted to play until they caught up! The teams quite firmly blamed the kids who were behind with their work. The sports teachers are the FIRST to set this rule in concrete with the new entries!
I had a rule for my students: homework first, games second; if you knew there was extra training scheduled that would make getting homework in on time awkward, you might be able to arrange extra time for it, but ONLY if you did so well before it was due in... And extra time was granted ONLY if you had a spotless record! The lads all thought that was fair enough, and they soon learned which teachers would allow extra time and which wouldn't no matter what! And when the next lesson depended on reading or research, there knew there was no chance at all of getting extra time from me.
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