Weddings

This is very interesting reading for a GM,who has a DGD, who will probably be planning a wedding sooner than later. Thanks for sharing. I sincerely hope you are getting better every day. Emily

THANK GOD the parish where I am organist has very specific rules. The major one is "If you want a Las Vegas Wedding, have it in Las Vegas" Flowers (we do not allow flowers except as purchased through the Church), music (music must be appropriate, therefore no "here comes the Bride, where the bride was a prostitute; ONLY church musicians; and NO canned music. ), service (may say something to one another, but the marriage vows are as written), candles (no "unity" candle, as candles have specific meaning in the Church--do that at the reception,") etc are all very tightly controlled and NO wedding planner is allowed. We don't have problems, as this is understood (and and a contract signed) when booking the Church. We have had to threaten only once to cancel--someone who had never seen the inside of our church before! A church wedding is first and foremost a service in, by, and of the Church where the bride and groom commit themselves to each other in the presence of God and to living a (in our case) Christian marriage.

Jon

This is a good example of why the legal contract aspect of marriage should be separate from the religious aspect of marriage, as is done in so many countries other than the U.S.

The legal relationship can be handled in the registrar's office. Then the happy couple can make (or not make) whatever religious or spiritual ceremonies they wish, and churches and other organizations can have their rules as they see fit.

But I do agree with the author of the article posted by Olwyn Mary -- the "marriage biz" has gotten out of hand. It is especially worrisome when a family goes into debt to finance a big wedding, or other sacrifices are made that might not be so wise in the long run. If a family has plenty of disposable income, well then maybe a big blow-out is OK - it doubles as a family reunion.

I think there are still plenty of sensible girls who opt for a modest wedding and a dual-purpose reception (my favorite was a three-day camp-out, canoe float and pig roast).

These gals don't tend to fill out Bride Magazine surveys, which leads to a skewed view of what people are actually spending.

Hmmm. What I thought was that anybody was free to be married at City Hall or wherever (I have friends who were married there), but for those who want a more festive occasion out of the ceremony, the State will deputize people to officiate at such ceremonies.

What really leaves me flabbergasted is the people who have been living together for years throw a big extravaganza specifically so they get all the wedding gifts.

Alan and I bought a house and lived together for three years before we got married - in church! We didn't register for gifts anywhere, but gave my mum a list of things we'd like if folk asked. If they did ask, she tailored her replies to their income level/status in the family/closeness of friendship, VERY discretely and subtly. The result was no repetitions, no ghastly things we'd never use, and many of the gifts we got are still in use today, like the slow cooker/crock pot, the Caithness glass vases and bowl (sadly the bowl is cracked, but remains a display item) and many other things. The towels are finally wearing out, the sheets gave out several years ago, and I dropped the iron one too many times... ;) Many of the more far flung relatives gave us money, and their generous gifts bought our decent dinner service (still in use, and added to over the years!), bedding, and other stuff we needed to replace, as we were using the old things inherited when Alan's dad remarried and moved (some of which were wedding present when he got married first time round to Alan's mum!).

We had a great time listing things, and managed to avoid such horrors as the silver teapot my grandmother inflicted on my younger sister.

I made all the frocks (my gown and the two bridesmaids dresses), buying a sewing machine rather than a wedding dress (a MUCH better bargain, even though the wedding dress is still extant, and the machine is a poor moribund corpse!), and 25 years on we celebrate our silver wedding.

I'd have been happy with a trip to the registry office and lunch in the pub afterwards, but Alan wanted to 'do it properly', so we did, and we were realistic about the budget and had a fun day we and many of our friends still have a giggle over.

The vows we made that day have been hammered and assaulted from outside and shaken from within by illness, but never questioned, never broken, never abused by us.

Hey - it works!

And as someone who works with brides on their 'special day', I have to say that so far all of them seem to have much the same realistic view of the world, their lives, and their future marriages as we did, so I have great hopes for them.

Well, Kate, there's a difference between deciding to make it permanent/legal/whatever and wanting your family to celebrate, and doing a big wedding just so you will get lots of presents. Don't you think so?

Absolutely! The prezzies were a delight, but never an issue. Little Sis warded off the evils of multiple toasters and the like by giving me an Ugly Vase as an engagement gift, and it worked... And I still have the vase (which isn't ugly at all!), despite the attentions of several enterprising feline entities... ;)

Melinda wrote: ...

Such as this: (June 17, first letter)

--Karen D.