Today I feel like the guy who innocently starts an argument then moves to the end of the bar, quietly sips his beer and watches the fight. Of course that's not true, I'm too young to be served beer in a bar.
Anyway here's some perennial turner's differences and personal wisdom for y'all to fight over. Meanwhile I'll just sit & sip a cold bud. If only Robert were here, we'd have barbecue with our beers and shoot nails instead of darts since neither of us is doing any turning these days. Dang!
How come it's ok to bang the knock-out bar hard to get a stuck Morse taper out of the spindle, but banging a spindle blank onto a spur center is a big no-no and supposed to hurt the bearings?
Do hollow turnings really need to have skinny thin walls? How does a customer or giftee know those are gossamer walls when the piece is up on a shelf too high to reach? Does she care? Most turners seem to care a lot, but get around it by calling their thick walled pieces "bud vases". Sometimes (most) I don't care either.
What about bottoms? (the bowl's, not the customer's). Do they need to be smoother than an infant's bottom and decorated like a Roman fountain? Real turners think they do, real customers don't seem to care that much.
Perfect tool bevels sure look nice, but funny how those ugly facets and cross grinds will cut pretty well so long as the edge is sharp and it's a good turning day.
Didja ever warm up before starting on an expensive exotic blank by turning coves and beads on a chunk of scrap and wind up making of the best pieces you ever turned out of that scrap.
Used sandpaper might not cut, but it sure seems to finish & smooth things up. Well, sometimes it does. I use sandpaper like it's a toxic loan. The best quality and lots of it was forced on me. Yeah, sure!
They say close only counts in horseshoes, but dontcha think maybe sometimes close is good enough. Must we always sand to 3000 without skipping a grit? Of course, I always do. Sure, again!
Ain't it ok to tarnish a turning's golden ratio on occasion? A perfect
10 is nice for women, but a lovely personality wears better. Usually the same thing is true about a bowl with perfect curves, but the salad keeps falling out.Small feet and narrow ankles may be good to look at, but a tippy bowl is an abomination. The turner's an agent of the devil and ought to be shot. So say we all.
A high gloss finish may be about as natural as a vinyl rug, but most people do like a shiny bowl. If truth be told most of us do too. I prefer the natural look of wood so I hide my can of gloss lacquer.
A pristine shop and a gleaming lathe are a sure sign of an armchair turner with dull tools and a storebought salad bowl.
A sad sight is watching a local expert show you how to sharpen your brand new bowl gouge as your expensive steel is rapidly disappearing as he pontificates.
Like trying to keep squirrels from getting to the bird's seeds, no matter what you do some bowls are going to crack. We all know which ones or we soon will, but hope springs eternal and we keep on calling our cracked abortions fine art.
Maybe some day we can change lead into gold, but there will never be a stain that can change slash pine into pink ivory or even black walnut. Maybe cheap ebony, if you can stand the smell of vinegar and iron filings.
Do people really pay that much for some of the work I see priced on some web sites? No turning can be bad enough that someone won't buy it, but the price just might be bad enough to break that rule. Clunky candlesticks live under the banner of pricy shabby chic!
I've almost finished my beer, but I'll throw one more splinter in the fire: To paint, fenestrate, scallop, add metal, waterboard and generally wreak acts of torture on a bowl is against international law, even if the poor thing is released and later on terrorizes a museum or results in a sale.
My beer bottle is empty and I'm running for cover. Oh, BTW, if you turn a nice exotic wood beer or wine bottle it's ok to paste paper lables on it. That's real art. :)
Turn to Safety, Arch Fortiter