The last time we were at the vet's for shots, she told us that Buffy had a cancerous tumor in her stomach and that all rules were out the window now... we should just feed Buffy whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it until it came the time that she stopped eating completely herself and that would be the end. Well that time came yesterday!
The night before Buffy was in the laundryroom (her domain) and started crying and standing by the door to go outside. Matthew let her out, and went out with her for a while before deciding to put her water bowl out and going to bed himself. She was okay, just quietly wandering around and not crying anymore. We talked about it and decided that she just wanted to be outside... she had always been an outdoor dog until she got older and started wanting to be in the house more. When I looked out in the morning, Buffy was laying in the middle of the yard, head up and looking around.... so I let Casper out. When she saw him, she got up and was happily half-running (something she hadn't done in a long time) along with him, tail wagging and she had a happy doggy smile on her face (something else we hadn't seen often over the last couple of weeks).
I waited a couple of hours to let Casper come in and got their food ready. His was put in it's usual spot in the house, and Buffy's I brought outside to her along with her pill for arthritis. She was laying down again, and turned her nose up at the food. She wouldn't take her pill either. I tried putting it in her mouth and holding her muzzle shut until it was gone, like the vet had told me to do before if she didn't take it. After a few minutes, and assuming by now she had swallowed it, I let her go... she spit it back out. I laid it in her food dish and came in to tell Matthew so he could try. She wouldn't take it or eat for him either... so from time to time throughout the day we took turns going out to pat her and talk to her, and Casper would go out every so often too. However the last time Casper went out, he wouldn't go anywhere near her... in fact he stood against the garage wall (she had chosen a spot to lay in the middle of the yard under the maple trees) looking at her with his head and tail down, then he turned and came back in the house... even though he hadn't relieved himself for a few hours.
We had been invited to go to a barbecue/Canada Day celebration with Bobbie-Jo (a friend of Matthew's who may or may not turn into more than just a friend, but for now they are just friends) and her family, so we checked Buffy again before leaving and decided that we really needed to have a bit of time to enjoy ourselves. Buffy was basically being unresponsive... just laying there only lifting her head when we would pat her, and totally refusing to eat. We knew that she would likely not make it through the night, and sad as it was to lose her, we knew she was uncomfortable and wanted to die so we did pray for her release. In one way we wished we had been home with her when the end came, but in another way we knew that she just wanted to be left to rest and it would have been heartbreaking for Matthew to watch his first pet die. So after spending an enjoyable evening with friends, we came home knowing in our hearts what would meet us. Sure enough... Matthew went to Buffy and she was dead.
We let Casper come out (because he hadn't relieved himself for all those hours. This time he walked over beside Buffy with his head and tail lowered, and walked around her completely. Then he went to the back of the yard to relieve himself and came down to walk close to Buffy one more time before going to the back door to go inside. Matthew and I went out again. I sat on the step while he knelt by her side for a few minutes, patting her and saying goodbye... it was heartbreaking to watch. Then we put her into a large garbage bag (like the vet had done with my last dog before Matthew was born) so he can bury her. Because there is no light back in the corner of the yard where he wants to bury her, he placed her in the garage overnight until he can dig her grave today.
If anyone knows the url for the (I think it's called...) "Rainbow Bridge" website (the one with the lovely touching poem about pets waiting on the other side for us), I would really appreciate having it. I'm sure I have it somewhere, I just can't think of where it is right now... and I would love to share it with Matthew.
Buffy's pain is over now, I'm sure she is with St Francis of Assisi and my Dad (who also cared for animals while living here on Earth) now... and she is once again able to run and play happily without pain like she used to in her younger days.
*hugs* Gemini