OT Humour - Written & Spoken English

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

Dearest creature in creation,

Study English pronunciation.

I will teach you in my verse

Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.

I will keep you, Suzy, busy,

Make your head with heat grow dizzy.

Tear in eye, your dress will tear.

So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,

Dies and diet, lord and word,

Sword and sward, retain and Britain.

(Mind the latter, how it's written.)

Now I surely will not plague you

With such words as plaque and ague.

But be careful how you speak:

Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;

Cloven, oven, how and low,

Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,

Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,

Exiles, similes, and reviles;

Scholar, vicar, and cigar,

Solar, mica, war and far;

One, anemone, Balmoral,

Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;

Gertrude, German, wind and mind,

Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,

Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.

Blood and flood are not like food,

Nor is mould like should and would.

Viscous, viscount, load and broad,

Toward, to forward, to reward.

And your pronunciation's OK

When you correctly say croquet,

Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,

Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour

And enamour rhyme with hammer.

River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,

Doll and roll and some and home.

Stranger does not rhyme with anger,

Neither does devour with clangour.

Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,

Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,

Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,

And then singer, ginger, linger,

Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,

Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,

Nor does fury sound like bury.

Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.

Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.

Though the differences seem little,

We say actual but victual.

Refer does not rhyme with deafer.

Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.

Mint, pint, senate and sedate;

Dull, bull, and George ate late.

Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,

Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,

Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.

We say hallowed, but allowed,

People, leopard, towed, but vowed.

Mark the differences, moreover,

Between mover, cover, clover;

Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,

Chalice, but police and lice;

Camel, constable, unstable,

Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,

Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.

Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,

Senator, spectator, mayor.

Tour, but our and succour, four.

Gas, alas, and Arkansas.

Sea, idea, Korea, area,

Psalm, Maria, but malaria.

Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.

Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,

Dandelion and battalion.

Sally with ally, yea, ye,

Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.

Say aver, but ever, fever,

Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.

Heron, granary, canary.

Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.

Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.

Large, but target, gin, give, verging,

Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.

Ear, but earn and wear and tear

Do not rhyme with here but ere.

Seven is right, but so is even,

Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,

Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,

Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)

Is a paling stout and spikey?

Won't it make you lose your wits,

Writing groats and saying grits?

It's a dark abyss or tunnel:

Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,

Islington and Isle of Wight,

Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough,

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

All this BEFORE you start to deal with accents!!

Forwarded with sympathy for all those on the ng who have English as a second language!

Reply to
CATS
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Geez! It's hard enough to read it to myself silently, I wouldn't even attempt to read it aloud! :-)

Reply to
Donna Aten

english is the first and only language i can claim, tho know a few odd words from a few others. some of those words i'd never even heard of before. my dictionary got a work out in the beginning, then i just gave up. i'll check it again later with my BIG dictionary for the right pronunciation, local dialect discounted. some folks think english ought to be the universal language, yea right, soon as those like me can speak it correctly and fluently. a lot of those words also come as is from other languages too but we use them as english. thank goodness for 'oh well.'. back to work, jeanne

Reply to
nzlstar*

english is the first and only language i can claim, tho know a few odd words from a few others. some of those words i'd never even heard of before. my dictionary got a work out in the beginning, then i just gave up. i'll check it again later with my BIG dictionary for the right pronunciation, local dialect discounted. some folks think english ought to be the universal language, yea right, soon as those like me can speak it correctly and fluently. a lot of those words also come as is from other languages too but we use them as english. thank goodness for 'oh well.'. back to work, jeanne

Reply to
nzlstar*

Gee, I read it out loud and stumbled on three words....... but then, I LOVE words. They intrigue me all to pieces and seeing them side by side with different pronunciations is just such a treat to me. Thanks for posting this one, I had not seen it before!

~KK in BC~ yeah...... I'm weird.

Reply to
~KK in BC~

I enjoyed it too but tripped over mould. Never saw it spelled that way. Polly

Reply to
Polly Esther

What fun Cheryl. Thanks! . In message , CATS writes

Reply to
Patti

I passed this on to a German friend who teaches English. He is always looking for "fun" activities for his students and this is perfect! Morag

Reply to
Morag in Scotland

hmmm I didn't even know some of these and my dyslexic mind muddled me up a bit but I did pretty well despite that :-)

what fun!

Reply to
Jessamy

Thanks Cheryl - I likes those, someone, somewhere has been very busy.

As I'm on the list : ) Can I add another one I didn't see there

route rhymes with root

Reply to
Sally Swindells

Seaside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~uk

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No it doesn't! Route rhymes with out and root rhymes with flute!

Dannielle

Reply to
Dannielle

in American yes but not in UK British which is what the whole list was in :-)

route rhymes with root is correct but root also rhymes with flute

Reply to
Jessamy

and route rhymes with flute

and I must be right as I am on the list to see if you can pronounce my name!

Reply to
Sally Swindells

Go on! 'Sally' is too easy >g< . In message , Sally Swindells writes

Reply to
Patti

KK, I'm with you there, another weirdo. I love words and language too and had fun with this!

Reply to
Debi Matlack

but I was there - right next to ally!

Reply to
Sally Swindells

What a way to start out my day!! Cheryl that was realy fun to read. There are so many words like that in the English language it always seems to be a joke when my sister and I talk Scrabble. (She lives too far away for us to play the game)

I am going to print it off and send a copy to her, she will love it too!

Marsha in nw, Ohio

Reply to
marsha

Good grief! (rhymes with leaf) It's a miracle (does not rhyme with debacle) that any one ever learns to speak English!

Reply to
Carolyn McCarty

Then there is the name Naomi which is said as it is is spelled. So many people say Ni-omi. I don't like that. The a is said as an a, not an i. ~sigh~

Just rambling

Reply to
Boca Jan

Reply to
recarlos

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