OT: I promise this is the last

I spent all week working on my mom's obituary. For some reason it was really, really hard to do. And got various versions sent to various newspapers.

The mortuary called today and left a message that the obits for Albuquerque and Waco would cost about $400 combined. Ouch. I already said I would handle the costs, but I didn't expect it to be so much. My sisters didn't really care if any obituary ran. I wrote a memorium type obituary with a photo. This means a lot to me. I can't say why, but it does. Why does this all have to be so hard?

I will never initiate another conversation with my sisters. I won't tell you what happened the last time I called to check on a date for the obituary, but it was rude and cold and left me crying. They both have my phone number and I would be really happy if they called me. But that won't happen. It's pretty much all over. My parents are both gone now and my sisters are too.

I promise this is the last time I will talk about Mom's death or the surrounding issues. Tomorrow my little household is going to have a service to say goodbye. I think it will help. I just wish it was a real funeral and I was surrounded by my cousins and old family friends and could say goodbye properly. I'm a silly, blubbery old woman and I have made way too much of a fuss already. Thank you for your patience and understanding. I do love all of you.

Hugs, Sunny

Reply to
Sunny
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Oh Sunny, I can relate to your situation. All I can say is that I am so sorry you have to go through this. It has been a few years for me and I still wait (not anxiously anymore) for my brothers to call. I know they wont unless they want money and thats not going to happen. It gets easier and thank the lord for your family, and quilty friends. Thinking of you, lyn

Reply to
lyn5

Sunny, except for my sons and their families, the rest of my family wants nothing to do with me either so you are not alone sweetie.

Reply to
GrammyKathy

I understand also, Sunny. When my MIL passed on, it split the entire family and my husband has no one that communicates anymore with him. There is something about a death that seems to tear some families apart in a terrible way. Loving thoughts and warm hugs go out your way to help your heart heal. Donna

Reply to
dealer83

Comforting hugs and prayers on the way for you Sunny. Peace be with you.

Reply to
DiMa

Sunny, you will be surrounded by us in spirit- your sisters and brothers in quilting... your quilty family. And I'll volunteer to be your 'sister'- I never had a sister or a daughter (just two precious sons). I have adopted one sister with the very best of wonderful, happy results! Another would make it even better.

Hugs,

Leslie

Reply to
Leslie& The Furbabies in MO.

Reply to
Taria

Oh dear. The very word obituary waves a red flag in front of me like an angry old bull. I can get mighty fired up on the subject of funerals too. Since I'm older than everybody in the obituaries nearly every day now, I have a little letter of instructions for my family. I want my obituary to say Polly Esther died. It's okay to say when and where. It's okay to list survivors. . . and funeral services private. The way newspapers gouge the bereaved makes my hair catch on fire. Grrrr. Okay. This was not about me, Sunny. Sorry. Got carried away there. Know that we hold you close and grieve with you. Even planning to have fried peach pies tomorrow evening. God bless. Polly

"Leslie& The Furbabies in MO." Sunny, you will be surrounded by us in spirit- your sisters and brothers

Reply to
Polly Esther

Sunny, 'Sis', rant on! That way you can relieve your pressure & not let you blow. I am with you in spirit. hugs, Nana

Reply to
NanaWilson

Sunny, the way you and your family choose to do things tomorrow IS the right way. It is the right way for you. If it is only the small group of you, then that is your funeral. There is nothing wrong with that. What you do to work through this, both mentally and physically, is what you need for you to process and be whole and stand up straight and carry on. Remember that over the last many days everyone that knew your mother has been thinking of her in their own way and processing, just as at a more traditional service. Those thoughts and feelings and energy are all still there, just separated like it is sometime by circumstances in life. Give your loved ones hugs tomorrow and especially give yourself a big hug too.

Steven Alaska

Reply to
Steven Cook

Don't make promises you shouldn't keep. If you need to talk, we are here. And you have been left to do what should have been a shared task alone, which is far from right but all too frequent.

I feel particularly blessed that I both love and get on with my mother and all three siblings. They are part of my friendship circle as well as family.

((((((Sunny))))))

Reply to
Kate XXXXXX

No such thing as too much fuss -it takes what it takes. Feel free

-somebody's always here to listen. (((Hugs))) Roberta >I spent all week working on my mom's obituary. For some reason it was

Reply to
Roberta

Sunny, the obituary was hard to write because you cared and you wanted to honor your mother's memory. You are a warm and caring person, and this is something that had to be "just right."

It's so sad when families are torn apart at a time like this. I understand why you say you won't call them again, but I'm happy to hear you would still be open to receiving a phone call from them. Perhaps someday their hearts will soften and there can be some kind of reconciliation. In the meantime, as others have said, we're here for you. I have two sisters, but I'd certainly welcome one more into the family (especially one who quilts!).

I'll be thinking of you today as you say good-bye to your mom with your family. {{{{{{{{Sunny}}}}}}}}

Reply to
Louise in Iowa

I hope you find comfort soon, Sunny. Your life and mine have a lot in common regarding family. And, no, you haven't made a fuss at all. I can just imagine all that is going on inside you.

I think you made the right decision with the obituary. Maybe this will help put closure on the whole situation.

So many (((HUG))) send to you,

Donna in WA

Reply to
Lelandite

HUGS are on their way to you! I'm sorry to hear about the "breakup" between you and your sisters -- but sometimes, I guess, that is their way of dealing with the loss. You gotta do what you feel is right for you - what brings you comfort and closure in knowing YOU did the right thing. ME-Judy

Reply to
ME-Judy

My family has been split for a long time. When the glue was gone so was the family. With my Dad's side it was my Grandma and with my family it was my Mom. I just dealt with my family for my mom's sake. They treated me like garbage for a long time and now I don't have to. She don't have to put up with it either.

Reply to
GrammyKathy

Aww, Sunny, this is so hard. Since your post was yesterday I am thinking your service was today and I hope it gave you some sort of peace. Give yourself all the time you need and talk about your Mom as long as you like. I don't think we ever really "get over" the loss of our Moms, I sure still miss mine. Your mom will always live in your heart and in your memory.

And just so you know, there is no such thing as making too much of a fuss over such a devastating loss.

Judie

Reply to
Judie in Penfield NY

(((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))) My heart just breaks for you, Sunny. You're not a silly, blubbery woman. This is one of the hardest losses in life. Mine has been gone 35 years, and I still get emotional talking about it to this day. I completely understand the obituary thing. I did obsess over writing DAds for days. I wanted to mention something; please don't be offended, but I wrote obits as part of my job for many years. Sometimes the funeral home receives a cut of the cost for serving as liasion between the newspaper and family. Usually newspapers will charge *at most* the regular rate they charge advertisers, per column inch. If this is still very important to you, you might phone the newspaper

*yourself*, and mail the copy/payment straight to them, leaving the funeral home out of it.. I'm only telling you this because I totally understand that you place great importance on your mom's obituary. $400 sounds very excessive. Again, the last thing I want to do is offend you. Prayers sent for your healing heart. Sherry
Reply to
Sherry

Obituaries are very pricey if you want anything other than the basic facts included. And the cost that Sunny stated was the total for the obituary placed in two newspapers. Knowing what a wonderful writer Sunny is and how she wanted to reflect on and honor her mother's life, the cost is very easy to understand. I'm often flabbergasted to see those huge obits in the paper where every teeny detail of the departed's life is revealed. I would imagine the bill for those certainly made a few people pause to catch their breath. My thoughts and best wished are with you, Sunny.

Reply to
Kathyl

Sunny,

Don't be ridiculous! You can talk about your mom and her passing as much as you'd like. We'll understand.

I know you had a rocky relationship with your mom, but maybe when you're up to it, you'd like to share a good memory you have of her. It sounds like you have some despite her cantankerous-ness.

I'm sorry your sisters are so angry about the whole thing and that they are taking it out on you.

I hope your family memorial will bring you some peace.

Michelle > I spent all week working on my mom's obituary. For some reason it was

Reply to
Michelle C.

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