OT: Venting--what is wrong with me? (very long and whiny)

I'm not even sure where to start. Last night David and I had the absolute worse night. It's all my fault. I'll admit it, I had a tantrum.

I'd had a migriane for 2 days, which probably didn't help. It was so bad I went home from work early on Wednesday.

Last night, when I got home I did some housework and tried to nap. That didn't work, so I got up again to work on some socks I'm knitting. I've done socks on double pointed needles before, but MSM took a class on doing two socks at once on two circular needles. She absolutely fell in love with it, so got me the book and materials etc. for my birthday back in April. I finally got around to trying it. It took me quite awhile to actually get the hang of it and figure out how this whole thing worked. But I was goingly along swimmingly for the last couple of weeks. I was actually making a lot of progress. I have no idea what I did, but suddenly all my working yarns were on the wrong side of the needles. I tried ripping back, etc. but just made things worse. So I ended up ripping it all out (again! this is like the third time) and starting over.

It really upset me because it was just soooo frustrating! Dave told me not to work on stuff like that that I need to concentrate on in the living room. Go to my studio where things are quiet and I can concentrate.

Except I don't find my studio that quiet any more. New family with little kids moved in. Right above the studio. I don't know how but they make soo much noise. Last weekend, even the lights over my table were shaking as they ran around. Plus the stereo and TV, etc. You get the picture. I find that extremely distracting. Even the QI Katie Mae isn't so sure she wants to hang out in there anymore.

I feel like nothing is going right anymore. I've got projects I'm working on and no matter what it's like two steps forward, one step back. It takes forever to get anything done. I'm not satisfied with alot of it, because it doesn't end up matching the vision in my head. I'm tired of ripping stitches out of whatever. I'm tired of not making progress.

Work stinks too. (And I'm sure my frustrations at work are part of the problem.) Our Agency is down to the bone resource-wise but not work-wise. And the way things are divvyed up, most of my work is done with Y from the compliance unit and a handful of engineers from the other units. Y and I are the females, rest male. We constantly hear: "Y and Maureen you've got to do something about this. This company is grossly noncompliant, they need to be sued, yada, yada, yada.' So we do our job, but when the time comes that we need the technical support to back up the case, or need to have a meeting or whatever it's "I can't be bothered, it's not my job, I've got too much else to do." Y and I are tired of doing all the work while the boys complain.

Plus, in my particular unit, we still have outstanding issues with the Attorney General's office that are sort of resolved, but not really type issues. That are forcing us into a position where we either do what managment wants us to do and what the Attorney General wants us to do, or potentially violate Supreme Court rules and our ethics rules. Nice position to be in, isn't it?

Most of the other attys have decided to just do what management wants and hope everything works out in the end. My particular unit can actually read, has done the research, and realizes there is no way we should be doing what management wants. Those of us who are in the union, went to the union, which fortunately has agreed to back us, because we've decided we just can't violate the ethics rules. Unfortunately, the only real solution for the dilemma is for managment to actually take action instead of the year long wait and see approach. And that ain't likely going to happen.

Bosses have already really indicated that if the union grieves, they'll just work around the concerned attorneys and get someone else to do the dirty work. That will be the management resolution to the grievence. Just simply don't ask the attorneys to do what they think is unethical. So now union wants to manipulate things to a point where someone actually has an ethics violation filed with the licensing board.

None of this is going away soon. I realize that. I realize we just have to go along one day at a time.

But I feel like nothing is ever accomplished at home or work, nothing is ever resolved, and that I just can't do a single thing right. I know, somewhere, in my head that all of this just isn't true, but that's not helping a bit. I don't have a clue what to do. I'm so tired and frustrated by everything right now.

Reply to
mwoz2
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Sweetie, first you need a great big hug. Then you need a break. Can you take a few days off? Maybe tell them it's health related (sounds like that is probably true). The people upstairs need to know how much noise their little ones are making. Children can't be sound proofed, but maybe you can work out a time when they're very, very quiet to give you a chance to enjoy your studio.

Now, I'm going to intrude where I haven't been invited. I think you need to see your doctor. Get a good checkup. Let him/her know how frustrated, anxious, depressed you are. That feeling of everything being too much and it never ends .... that's one face of depression. Like I said, I wasn't invited but I feel you should know that depression is a real health problem and that it can be treated.

So consider yourself hugged by me and take whatever of my advice you can . I'll keep you in my thouguts and prayers.

Hugs, Sunny

Reply to
Sunny

Reply to
Roberta

Hope that things will work out. It sounds like you are stressed out! Barbara in FL

Reply to
Bobbie Sews Moore

You already got good advice about seeing a doc, so I won't add to that. But on the work front, the best you can do is walk a fine line and try to please everybody (since it sounds like you can't resign and find a better, less stressful job) which it sounds like you are trying to do... and it's a horrible position to be in! Then- document... document... document. Whenever anybody asks you to do something you feel is not right write down all the facts and some direct quotes. It may help with your frustrations and it's the old CYOA (Cover Your Own A$$). The written records may keep yourself safe from any ugly backlash that might come from following direct orders. Speak with the neighbors about the noise and try to work in your studio after their children are in bed??? Maybe you can play some music or a recorded book to help disguise the noise. It would be a terrible hassle, but is there another room you can claim for your studio if all else fails? I understand the need for a place to escape, and it's important, so maybe moving things around would be worthwhile.

Other than that, try to be kind and gentle and patient with yourself. If you can't concentrate on your projects then read some Janet Evanovich (the Stephanie Plum series) or other light reading that will let you lose yourself in their world for a while and give you some belly laughs. I'm so sorry things are difficult for you- it will get better. It always does.... it's just the time 'toughing it out' that is challenging! VBG.

Hugs,

Leslie & The Furbabies in MO.

Reply to
Leslie & The Furbabies in MO.

Okay, I ditto what Sunny and Leslie wrote! Big hugs to you and prayers are being sent your way. Launie, in Oregon

Reply to
simpleseven

On Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:00:04 -0500, Bobbie Sews Moore wrote (in article ):

Yep. Really stressed out. I really hate feeling like this too.

Maureen

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

On Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:25:52 -0500, Leslie & The Furbabies in MO. wrote (in article ):

At work a handful of us have gotten to the point that we'll only "talk" to certain people by email so we can blind copy the shop steward on everything! I'm not sure the shop steward, who has a slightly different job description than the rest of us and I don't think she really gets just how bad things are, but at least she's willing to back us.

One of the reasons I liked this job was because its on of the few jobs for attorneys working for the State that is actually a union job. It makes it way harder for the political hacks to mess with us (but not impossible or we wouldn't have the situation we do.) I've seen what my friend's husband at another agency has had to go through and it gets so nasty.

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

On Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:32:24 -0500, simpleseven wrote (in article ):

Thanks.

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

Hang in there, Maureen. Bad times become so all encompassing. It begins to feel like everything has ALWAYS been this bad and ALWAYS will be. But, surprisingly, it will pass. Something will change and one day you'll realize that life is quiet and good again and that you can breathe deeply again. In the middle of the storm we all go into survival mode. But the waves always calm down and life goes on. I'm glad you're keeping in touch with your doctor. Keep in touch with us, too. You will always find hugs and prayers and good wishes here by the bushel.

More hugs, Sunny

Reply to
Sunny

On Sun, 2 Nov 2008 00:13:29 -0600, Sunny wrote (in article ):

Thanks, Sunny. I'll try and drop in here as often as I can.

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

Hi Maureen,

I can certainly commiserate about the work environment from hell. When I found myself in that very stressful work atmosphere (I was in healthcare), it simply tainted everything else. For example while the episode with the knitting would be frustrating to a certain degree under any circumstance, with so many hours a day immersed in such a negative place, you've just got nothing left for coping with relatively minor setbacks. I know, I've been there. There really is no absolute cure other than leaving if that becomes possible. However, it did help me to remember that my anger at small things at home really was a reflection of the anger I was feeling at work. That way, I could try to see my home life for what it really was--which was really okay, except for the usual annoyances that everyone has--and not think that the negativity was coming from home. It's important not to get those two things confused.

The other thing I learned is that people who do not work where you do are not going to be able to completely grasp the unfairness and insanity you and your coworkers are dealing with everyday. When I'd tell people--including family members--what I was going through, they'd be very sympathetic, but without being on the receiving end of the treatment, they just couldn't completely understand how tense and stressful it is.

And believe me, there is nothing more damaging to a person's self-esteem than be chronically mistreated. Which leads back to your subject line: What is wrong with me? So let me tell you from somone whose been there: There's not a darn thing wrong with you! Your bosses are doing these head trips on you that are making you feel like nobody. It's not you; it's them! Try to remember that.

I really do feel your pain, and my best advice is to run away from that place as fast as you can when you get the chance.

Reply to
Michelle C

On Sun, 2 Nov 2008 16:37:29 -0600, Michelle C wrote (in article ):

I think you're right. I would have been really frustrated about the knitting, but if I'd had an even okay day at work, it would have been an annoyance but I don't think it would have made me cry. There I days when I feel like I just to have one ounce of anything left to cope with something as minor as deciding what I want to eat for dinner.

I think you're absolutely right. David doesn't completely get it. He realizes how crudy and insane the situation is, but he doesn't completely understand how bad it is day in and day out. For over a year now!

Very hard to remember sometimes, isn't it? And I know there is absolutely nothing we can do about the political hacks who are in charge now. There are days I really wonder if it wouldn't be best if the Gov. got indicted right away. Maybe the power struggle with a certain political family would be over and we could get back to doing what were supposed to be doing.

Thanks for the support. and the understanding. I'd hate to leave this job, because it's pretty good when decent people are in charge, but I wonder if I can make to the end of this Gov's term.

Maureen

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

Exactly! You've used up every bit of energy and patience just trying to keep it together at work.

Yep. Is there any way David could help you with stuff like this? Even if it's just him grabbing something to bring home once a week, so you don't have to make that decision? At least on that day, you could count on not having to worry about it.

I think with my family members, it was just hard for them to comprehend that the boss(es) could be so weird, undermining, and at times hateful--day in and day out. They would think of their worst work experiences, and really didn't have anything to compare it to. So try not to be too hard on David. He's probably never been in such a rotten work situation.

Yes, it is. I could see at the time that the situation was affecting how I felt about myself, but had to fight feeling bad all the time. I wasn't totally successful.

Wow, dealing with a governor who may be indicted has got to be the worst. Sounds like you think maybe s/he deserves it.

It would surely change the office dynamics somehow.

When is it over--providing indictment doesn't happen first?

Reply to
Michelle C

On Mon, 3 Nov 2008 16:38:17 -0600, Michelle C wrote (in article ):

He usually does most of the cooking, which is good. But he wants me to decide what it is we're having. Some of these days, I really just don't care. We do need to do what he calls "production cooking"--make a big batch of chili or whatever. Then I guess I just have to look at the list and say 'soup" on those sorts of days.

He's been the boss for so long, and now works for himself, I'm starting to think he's completely forgotten what it's like to be a "worker bee".

I'm not entriely sure. But some of the evidence that has come out a trial has been very suspicious sounding. Sometimes you have to wonder if there really isn't a fire, when there is so much smoke. What really gets me is the stupid "ethics" training I have to take each year. Then I open the paper and read what some of his "friends" have said he's done and get really peeved.

just over 2 years--the next election is November 2010 and the new Governor would take office in 2011. Provided of course, a) no indictment and b) he doesn't decide to run for a 3rd term.

Maureen

Reply to
Maureen Wozniak

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