I'm not even sure where to start. Last night David and I had the absolute worse night. It's all my fault. I'll admit it, I had a tantrum.
I'd had a migriane for 2 days, which probably didn't help. It was so bad I went home from work early on Wednesday.
Last night, when I got home I did some housework and tried to nap. That didn't work, so I got up again to work on some socks I'm knitting. I've done socks on double pointed needles before, but MSM took a class on doing two socks at once on two circular needles. She absolutely fell in love with it, so got me the book and materials etc. for my birthday back in April. I finally got around to trying it. It took me quite awhile to actually get the hang of it and figure out how this whole thing worked. But I was goingly along swimmingly for the last couple of weeks. I was actually making a lot of progress. I have no idea what I did, but suddenly all my working yarns were on the wrong side of the needles. I tried ripping back, etc. but just made things worse. So I ended up ripping it all out (again! this is like the third time) and starting over.
It really upset me because it was just soooo frustrating! Dave told me not to work on stuff like that that I need to concentrate on in the living room. Go to my studio where things are quiet and I can concentrate.
Except I don't find my studio that quiet any more. New family with little kids moved in. Right above the studio. I don't know how but they make soo much noise. Last weekend, even the lights over my table were shaking as they ran around. Plus the stereo and TV, etc. You get the picture. I find that extremely distracting. Even the QI Katie Mae isn't so sure she wants to hang out in there anymore.
I feel like nothing is going right anymore. I've got projects I'm working on and no matter what it's like two steps forward, one step back. It takes forever to get anything done. I'm not satisfied with alot of it, because it doesn't end up matching the vision in my head. I'm tired of ripping stitches out of whatever. I'm tired of not making progress.
Work stinks too. (And I'm sure my frustrations at work are part of the problem.) Our Agency is down to the bone resource-wise but not work-wise. And the way things are divvyed up, most of my work is done with Y from the compliance unit and a handful of engineers from the other units. Y and I are the females, rest male. We constantly hear: "Y and Maureen you've got to do something about this. This company is grossly noncompliant, they need to be sued, yada, yada, yada.' So we do our job, but when the time comes that we need the technical support to back up the case, or need to have a meeting or whatever it's "I can't be bothered, it's not my job, I've got too much else to do." Y and I are tired of doing all the work while the boys complain.
Plus, in my particular unit, we still have outstanding issues with the Attorney General's office that are sort of resolved, but not really type issues. That are forcing us into a position where we either do what managment wants us to do and what the Attorney General wants us to do, or potentially violate Supreme Court rules and our ethics rules. Nice position to be in, isn't it?
Most of the other attys have decided to just do what management wants and hope everything works out in the end. My particular unit can actually read, has done the research, and realizes there is no way we should be doing what management wants. Those of us who are in the union, went to the union, which fortunately has agreed to back us, because we've decided we just can't violate the ethics rules. Unfortunately, the only real solution for the dilemma is for managment to actually take action instead of the year long wait and see approach. And that ain't likely going to happen.
Bosses have already really indicated that if the union grieves, they'll just work around the concerned attorneys and get someone else to do the dirty work. That will be the management resolution to the grievence. Just simply don't ask the attorneys to do what they think is unethical. So now union wants to manipulate things to a point where someone actually has an ethics violation filed with the licensing board.
None of this is going away soon. I realize that. I realize we just have to go along one day at a time.
But I feel like nothing is ever accomplished at home or work, nothing is ever resolved, and that I just can't do a single thing right. I know, somewhere, in my head that all of this just isn't true, but that's not helping a bit. I don't have a clue what to do. I'm so tired and frustrated by everything right now.