Just wanted to let everyone know that Matthew and I finally managed to come up with some money for gas to make the 3 -4 hour trip to visit with her. We will be leaving here early Saturday morning and going to my sister's on the other side of Toronto where we will stay overnight, and my brother-in-law will drive us all in to visit Linda on Sunday.
Since Linda had hoped to make it to one more Christmas, and no one thinks she will make it that long, I am gathering a few things to take along for her so she *can* have a Christmas of sorts... "because I won't be able to make another trip to be here to spend Christmas with you" (so she doesn't have to think that it's because no one thinks *she* will be here for Christmas). Matthew smiled and told me I was very sneaky... he knows what I'm doing is for Linda's benefit and it will actually break my own heart.
I bought a Christmas-y basket to put a few things in for her. She has always loved tea, so I bought her one of those large teacups and a couple of different flavoured teas that I can add some of the teabags to the basket for her to try. I also bought some of those tiny candy canes and some Christmas candy too, and will get some other candy from the Bulk Barn to put in a tin for her, as she loves sweets. I bought a photo album for her to keep some pictures in that my sister took of us all when we were at Linda's back in May... and a notebook for her to write her thoughts in, if and when she feels up to it. I got a crossword puzzle book for her and I'll add a pen to go with it and the notebook. I got a tiny lazer-cut vase with purple flowers, and a figurine of two cats (she *loves* cats and is now in the hospital away from her little cat) nuzzling each other. I happened to spot a small pillow with a cord handle on it that I will hang behind/beside her bed where they put cards and such... it's pink and has embroidered on it "The Princess Sleeps Here" which will be meaningful for her as my Mom used to call her "Princess" since she was born (the only thing that would have made it perfect would have been if it said "Sam" anywhere on it as my Dad always called her "Sam", so throughout her life she got cards from my parents that read "Princess Sam" and that's how she signed things to them as well. :o)
To add to the basket (likely hanging from the outter edge) I got a package of four drum ornaments which have special meaning to she and I that make us laugh every Christmas. We went to Midnight Mass together one year and when it came time for the choir to sing... one of the hymns happened to be "The Little Drummer Boy" and the way it was done just sounded hilarious to us. We sat there trying our best to be nice in church and avoiding looking at each other because we knew what would happen if we did.... sure enough at one point our eyes happened to connect with each other and that was the end of it... we sat there with a hand firmly over our mouths (even trying to cough or make like we were blowing our noses) to try to cover the fact that we were giggling and no matter what we did we couldn't stop. Thankfully it was near the very end of mass, so we were able to leave shortly afterward and once we got outside and across the street from the church we were holding each other up as we walked home crying with laughter. Ever since then, we try to find a Christmas card or wrapping paper for a gift... something with the "drummer boy" theme to it, and start laughing all over again.
I will do my best to hold it together until after we leave, but I can't promise. Linda knows that she is dying, and she knows that I know... afterall I was the first person who actually opened up and spoke straight with her about it all, while everyone else tried to pretend it wasn't happening. I'm sure at some point during our visit I will fill up (and possibly even cry a bit, although I am going to do my best not to), and she knows because I told her during our visit back in May that I will miss her terribly when she is gone... she even tried to joke saying "Yeah, I'm gonna miss me too!" :'o( I'm sitting here in tears now as I type this.
-- I have to say though, I am extremely pissed with Linda's son Liam at the moment. When my oldest sister phoned me last week to tell me that Linda was in the hospital now, she said that Linda's friend had phoned to tell her. Matthew found Liam online and spoke to him about it... Liam was ticked off that people know, because he wasn't ready to tell anyone yet and said that he was going to when the time was right. I said then in anger "Was he going to wait until she died before telling us?!?" then I thought about it and assumed he was just upset and trying to deal with it first before telling anyone. Tonight my sister phoned again to let me know that she had made it to visit Linda last Sunday afterall. She said she looked so tiny and frail in the bed all alone.... she is barely over 80 lbs now... with no visitors. Mary (my sister) said she and her husband stayed to visit for about an hour and then a friend of Linda's came in, so they left. I asked if Liam was there too. Mary said "No! He has only been to see her ONCE since she went into the hospital the week before (she went in the Monday before my sister went to see her) because apparently 'he can't handle it'. Linda's mad at him and doesn't even want to talk to him. He phoned while we were there and Linda told him she had visitors and she didn't want to talk to him."
I know different people handle this sort of thing differently, but she is his mother... she is the ONLY parent he has ever known, and the only close family he has. He lost his grandmother (my Aunt Blanche) 1 1/2 years ago, and now he is losing his mother. Once she is gone he cannot get her back to apologize for not spending time with her, or to hold her hand even. My Dad hated the hospital with a passion after seeing his father dying in the hallway, but when my Mom or any of his children were in the hospital he sucked it up and went to visit. In fact when my Mom had her stroke we all went to visit her (30 miles one way) every single day. When my Dad had his stroke we all went to visit him everyday as well... and that was after my Mom was just home from the hospital and we had to try to get her in and out of the car and into a wheelchair... backbreaking, but we did it. Liam lives a few miles away in the same city as the hospital his mother is in and he goes to see her *once* because he can't handle it?!?!? Matthew is *very* angry with Liam right now... and said it's a good thing he hasn't been online tonight or he would be getting a LOT said to him for him to think about.
-- Oh... semi-good news! I got a call from Disability today wanting a bit of information sent to them (verification letters) so they can try to see if there is anything they can do about our roof for us hopefully *before* winter and snow set in. The only problem is that Matthew has to try to convince Ontario Works to help with his half of the cost... and they are being real sticklers to needing THREE estimates even though we have only been able to get two because everyone else is booked solid right up to February and March of next year so they won't even come out to give estimates at all. When the woman spoke to me from Disability I told her that we were afraid if the snow came the weight of it might cave in our roof... she said "Yes, we considered that and that is why we want to try to get things moving as quickly as we can... so try to get those things to me as soon as you can." I told Matthew what she said and he said what I had been thinking.... "They want to get things moving as quickly as they can?!? Ummm, you sent them the estimate and letter WHEN?... back in early summer wasn't it?" *shrug* Oh well, even though the ceiling is sagging in the kitchen and a bit in the laundryroom now... if they can and will have it fixed... late is better than not at all, so we don't really care that much it just sounded odd.
-- Well, I really do need to get off here now. I have to get some sleep as we have to make an unexpected trip to London tomorrow to pick up Matthew's transcript from the college to send to Ontario Works as they have held his money back because they don't have verification that he completed the two courses he was attending last that ended Oct 10th. *shakes head* They don't give you a deadline to have the information to them, they just know themselves when they want it and if you don't read their minds and get it to them by the right date they stop your money.
In case I don't get back on here before our trip... take care and I'll post a message after we get back.
*hugs* Gemini