OT: Doggie Prayers

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This morning, after calling the dog into the house so that the rest of
us could head out to VBS, I noticed that her fat blob on her right
front leg was bleeding/oozing.  Called vet and talked with one of the
nurses, then called DH and told him what was going on.  Ended up
taking her in and leaving her there for the day while we ran to VBS,
then to Charlottesville, then back, then to WalMart, then back home,
then to podiatrist's office, then home, then to karate, then
home.....in between all of that, called vets and got the update on
DeAnna....the aspirations didn't show any malignant cells so they are
going to go ahead and do surgery on her tomorrow to remove the blob on
her front leg, the one near her anus, and give her a major dental
cleaning.

Hopefully, everything will be okay with her - she is staying at the
vets overnight.  I will be calling them tomorrow after VBS is over to
check on the status and we will set a time when I can pick her up.

SO, I'm exhausted, and we are starting to have issues with DN -
belligerent mouthing off, laughing at my children (making fun of
them), getting annoyed when I tell her she can't have yet ANOTHER
soda.  Then she made a comment that her parents said so and so....not
sure why we were even on the topic....I asked her if she believed
everything her parents told her and she said yes....she then asked me
what I thought, and I told her.  SHe told me I was wrong because her
parents had said the exact opposite.....I had reached my limit and so
I asked her how far her parents had gone in school and reminded her
that I had a college degree and knew a bit more than her parents did.
She accepted it, I think, but I'm tired of hearing that 2 high school
dropouts told her things that are point-blank wrong...that they are
allowing her to grow up on lies and falsehoods and half-truths....

She said she wanted to live with us, and when I reminded her that we
had already talked to her parents and they had said no, she said she
would run away and get here on her own.  I told her that if she got
here, we would just have to turn around and take her back home because
she was still a minor and was under the authority of her parents.  She
did her typical "gah" snort and smirked at me.

Well, we;ve made it a bit beyond a week, and I'm starting to get tired
of the crap that she dishes up, and which her parents apparently have
allowed her to think are acceptable.

ANyway...just ranting and venting.....

Larisa


Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
Hopefully your pooch will be fine.  Ginger did real well when the vet
removed her 'blob'.  No malignant cells is what is good.

Just a few tips about teenagers.

   'Dishing up crap' is part of their job description. Some do it better
than others because they have had practice and others are just born
experts at it.  I never have seen a kid that didn't dish up crap pretty
well.

It isn't too off that she is defending her parents.  There are great
parents with limited education and crappy parents with wall full of
sheepskins.  You lose the battle if you bad mouth them to her. It is
just human nature.

Pick you battles.  If soda is an issue let it go and don't bring it into
the house.

Kids that have had as tough a time as your dn are going to test you.
It is pretty normal and even expected.

Good luck to you all.  You have taken on a big challenge. Take a breath
and count to 10 (or a hundred)  Teenagers can be terrific but boy are
they a trial sometimes.  I'm glad we all survived those years here.

Taria





off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net wrote:
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Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
I agree... you need to be careful that you are not perceived as 'bad
mouthing' her parents. It may make her more defensive.

And, Taria is right. I have friends who are parents who happen to be
high school dropouts and they are fine people; than again I work at a
college (25+ years) and can say for certain that having a PHD doesn't
prevent anyone from being 'life stupid,' an idiot, or an ass.

The kid is basically testing the boundaries, like a typical teenager.
She'll re-test them tomorrow and the next day.  You need to be
consistant in what you say and do, and where you draw the line.  DON'T
PUT up with her making fun of the kids. MAKE THIS CLEAR from day one.
And, be careful about threats; don't make them unless you can follow
through.

Sounds like she may need an activity to keep her busy and make some
friends. Do you have a girls club or YMCA nearby?

-Irene

PS - sending good thoughts that your doggie will make it through with no
problems.

wrote:

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"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." - Mae West

Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
Howdy!

Good luck, Larisa & dog & family & quilts.
  Maybe it's the doggie prayers that will help the most.
...maybe that's what the dogs are doing when I think they're just
contemplating the clouds...

*snort*  Btw, a college degree doesn't really have anything to do
w/ raising kids or dealing w/ teens.
As for all the other stuff, I blame it on summer.  ;-D

Cheers!
R/Sandy--figuring I need to change the quilting pattern 'cause I
    have so little interest in this quilt, which means the quilting
    pattern just isn't doing it for me


On 6/18/07 8:44 PM, in article 3yGdi.6681$Fk7.4850@trnddc01, "Taria"

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Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
On Jun 18, 8:57 pm, "off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net"
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Larisa,

Even if it takes every ounce of your energy, draw your rules, lay them
out precisely and specifically and NEVER back down on any of them!
When I was a teen and dished out the crap, and pushed and forced and
did everything I could to cause trouble, it was because I needed more
parental control, more rules and more love and attention (the proper
kind) than I was getting.  If something that she is telling you is
wrong, and you can look up the information and show it to her....and
help her figure out how to find it for herself... and end every
conversation with a heartfelt "No matter what, I love you" it's going
to make a big difference in her life.

You are doing fantabulous!  Keep up the great work with your DN,
someday she'll look back and see what real love is all about!

Dannielle


Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
Dear Larisa,
Goodness knows I'm no expert when it comes to parenting. I will tell
you this: teenagers mouth off. It's practically required and means
almost nothing. The best thing you can do is take a deep breath, don't
bounce back at them, and then deal with whatever is really going on.
If soda is a problem, don't buy it. Problem solved with no talking.
And believe me, she will understand exactly why there is no soda in
the shopping bag without a single word from you. Keep smiling if you
can. Try not to react to all the "crap" that comes from the young one.
Your steadiness and firmness will make an impression, even if she
doesn't let you know. Set rules that you can enforce, and then don't
back down.

As for information that is wrong, instead of contradicting her, invite
her to learn to look up information on her own. Something like "Hmmmm,
I thought I remembered that being different. Howabout we check an
online encyclopedia and see what we can find out about that."

I can relate so painfully to your niece. I was raised on poverty, had
rotten teeth in my mouth all through my childhood, had parents who
probably should have never been allowed to have children. I blustered
and talked way too much and way too loud because I didn't know what
else to do. Growing up this way can be so painful. Please tell her how
much you love her every day. And tell her that one of the ladies on
the quilt newsgroup promises that life will get better and that she
will be fine.

:)

Sunny
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Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
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do. Growing up this way can be so painful. Please tell her how much you love her
every day. And tell her that one of the ladies on
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I second that!!! When I was growing up in a household with 2 adults
with serious psychological problems (made worse by drug and alcohol
abuse), I would NEVER have believed that my life would turn-out so
well. And God bless you, Larissa, for taking the time for your neice.
I guarantee you that she DOES appreciate you on some level. Long after
the new clothes are outgrown/worn-out, she'll remember that you cared
enough to spend TIME and ENERGY on her!!!

Hugs all around!!!

Erin




Re: Doggie Prayers
}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
DN sounds like a smart kid, if only you can convince her that she is. Some
thing take time, I guess, especially with kids. And a great big hugs and
wishes for quick recovery for the dear doggie. I think she'll do great and
probably feel better for having all that done. You may have a "new" dog on
your hands once she recovers!
--
Debi

Chaos, panic and disorder ... my work here is done.

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Re: Doggie Prayers
Maybe she's just looking for attention..in the wrong way.  I used to tell
one of my boys "I love you, but I sure don't like you right now!"  Teenagers
can be awful, but try not to take everything that she says seriously.  She
may be just trying to get a "reaction" from you.

By the way, the son who was the worst, is now a joy to be around....and we
tell him so!  He can't believe that he was ever so BAD!

--
Alice in PA
http://community.webshots.com/user/twosonsatpsu
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Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
On Jun 18, 8:57 pm, "off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net"
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Larisa,

My girls are very dear to me.  Most people think I am talking about
daughters when I mention them.  It is hard when they have medical
problems.  They just can't talk about how they are feeling and I am
ways afraid I will miss something.

We have Boxers and they are prone to tumours, we have had to have
several removed.  Only one was malignant.  The older one is now 10 and
her age is starting to show in her health.  The Vet and Boxer breeders
have told us Boxers life expectancy is 10-12 years.  We keep a really
close eye on both of them but, like you, we have from the day we added
them to our family.

I also have the last teenager in the house, well, he just turned 20
but the mouth is around 14 years old!!!  He is a really good guy 90%
of the time, it is the other 10% I have a hard time with.  Chocolate
helps................for me, not him!!!

Marsha in Ohio


Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
On Jun 18, 5:57 pm, "off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net"
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Larisa,

How old is your DN?  I am also raising my DN, who will be fifteen this
October.  And what I've read so far is so true!  The only other piece
of advice I can give is don't take the crap that comes out of her
mouth as personal.  You have to "outsmart" them...like being ahead of
the game, so to speak.  Be prepared when you ask her to do something
to get a gah, snort, etc.  This is NORMAL!!!  I don't really react to
any of that...just let it be...as long as the "job" gets done.
And make sure you let her know that your being a pain in her *&^
because you love her and care about her.
Okay, that's my two cents.  lol
Launie, in Oregon


Re: OT: Doggie Prayers

Everything everybody else has said is true and good advice, but if
anybody else has said what I am going to I missed it.

For all that DN may appear brash and aloof and etc., I would put down
money that she is feeling really insecure right now.  Not just because
she is in a new place and la-dee-da and everything like that.  I would
hazard that living outside her parents house is crumbling the
foundations of her existance.  Things are very different and much of
what she is used to is looking like it is wrong.  She has to defend
the wrong because if she doesn't then maybe _everything_ is wrong and
then where is she?  She has to go back home eventually, and I bet her
parents would not appreciate haveing a "snooty smart ass" upon her
return.  Would they really react like that? Maybe, lord knows I have
seen it often enough.
Be patient, do not challenge her on purpose, feed her mind and let her
come to realization in her own time.  Make sure she has resources,
books, computers, etc available, and understands acceptable use
(especially with computers).  At the same time, make sure the basic
rules are clear and consistantly enforced.  Let her know exactly what
the "hard limits" are, and be willing to compromise on lesser things.
It will make her feel less helpless to have some things that are
negotiable.

NightMist

On Tue, 19 Jun 2007 11:06:51 -0700, simpleseven

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--
Come to the dark side.
We have cookies.

Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
What an insightful post!  You obviously have a wonderful understanding of
human nature.

--
Kathyl (KJ)
remove "nospam" before mchsi
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Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
OK...first off, I didn't mean for it to come across like I am equating
her parents parenting skills with their lack of education...what
ticked me off about that is that they do NOT have high school
diplomas, yet they are making her think that they know everything
about everything.....trust me, what they know is a nickel and dime
existance because of the work that they can find - mom used to work at
WalMart, now runs a booth at the flea market and spends her time
scrounging other sales for things to sell in her booth, dad works at a
plant making exercise equipment and in his spare time, he rehabs
junked cars to flip for a profit.  SHE (DN) already has major plans
for her life - college with a degree in architecture/house planning,
then going into business for herself, with a goal of having a 3 story
house and a maid.

Maybe her parents are doing the best that they can, but to allow her
to believe that they know EVERYTHING is just something that will
contribute to behavior issues when a teacher in school tells her
something that contradicts them...anyway, that's what I meant...I'm
just pissed that they have pretty much let her slide and not given her
any guidelines or anything and no real directions or rules.  That
makes me and DH look/feel like bad guys when we have to tell her no
and explain why she can't sit at the computer for hours and hours and
hours (which is what she does when she's at home).

Ok, that's enough for me

Larisa

P.S.  Deanna made it through surgery just fine.  She's home now and
the anesthesia is finally wearing off.  However, she has to wear an E-
collar and that is making things difficult for her as far as eating,
drinking, getting down stairs, etc.  I will be sleeping downstairs
with her tonight since she isn't supposed to go up and down stairs for
at least 48 hours.  I have to call tomorrow to make a follow up
appointment in 2 weeks.


Re: OT: Doggie Prayers
On Tue, 19 Jun 2007 17:29:21 -0700, "off kilter

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Larissa,

Maybe it's just the opposite - I don't think she sees you and your DH as
bad guys.  She's just trying to figure out if you two will let her
behave exactly as her parents do. The only way she's going to find out
is to test the boundaries to see where they are.  And, test them
repeatedly to see if they are consistant.

Try not to see it as a negative thing (although I'm sure it is wearing
on you!!) - it all about testing you.  Maybe you both need to sit down
with her and lay things out. The kind of behavior that is acceptable,
and what is not. That you have guidelines that must be followed in your
house. You don't even need reasons for many of them other than 'this is
how it is done here.'=20

-Irene (who has been there, dont that).=20
"You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough." - Mae West

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