OT: Update on Mom and Linda2

Linda baby -- you have your Mom, just not the version of her that you are used to having. And speaking from experience, I can tell you that having your Mom around is a whole lot better than NOT having your Mom around. I am not trying to take away your grief -- you have a right to your sadness. However, there is a saying in the recovery community that if you have one foot in yesterday and one in tomorrow, that you are pissing all over today. Not very elegant, but it makes a point. She is here now, sweetheart. Love her and make the most of it.

Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

Hugs Linda...I know this is so hard for you.

I'm so sad for both of you, Linda... As a very wise, STRONG woman once said in her sig: "When love is your greatest weakness, you will be the strongest person in the world."

Love her, hold her close and cherish your time together...

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from :

]I want my Mom back.

ooooooooh, sweetie!!!!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Linda}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Deirdre (who has BTDT, felt that way...)

Absolutely true. I hope you will tap into the support system here as often as humanly possible, cuz this drains the life out of you at a helluva rate, and talking about it can help restore your sense of you own needs being real and appreciated in -some- context, somewhere.

Deirdre

((((Linds)))) Oh sweetie, I wish I was there to be a shoulder for you. I hope you have a shoulder or two nearby. My heart goes out to you.

Linda -- now that I reread this, I wish I had just sent you a hug. I don't like myself very much all the time. Sorry I was so harsh.

Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

Hi Linda,

This tears at me. My thoughts go in all directions at once. So I'm going to write some things in no particular order.

Mom was in a car wreck last December. When we saw her two months later, I didn't think she had a good chance at survival. And the thought of her living at home alone (but with hired help for yard work and housework) seemed beyond any hope.. But that's what she's doing now. Living at home, and doing what she needs to on her own. Even though she has lost all use of her left arm from fingers to shoulder. We still have Mom, but with changes.

That's what I thought about when I read Becki's post. Which I thought was good. It is a different aspect of Mom we have now, though not as different as when she was so ill.

My mother made it partly because she's an adequately selfish person. She wanted things her way. It could have killed her. Fortunately instead it aided her survival. She's 80, and it wouldn't surprise me to have her around for another 15 years. Long lived relatives.

But on the other hand, my father did something that caused trouble in the family when he was 90. He became Depressed, and in less than a year he died. It was a choice of his of sorts. He never addressed the problem, and he would not accept extra care or hospitalization. If he had gone to Hospital, he would probably have gotten over the problem and lived another 5 years. People do make those decisions, and it is their right to do so. He left the night after we all met at his house. It feels like he left and not like he died.

Doctors are not always the ones who know. Mom got well. Dad chose to let go at home in his own bed with his family still warm all around him, though the others had all gone for the night. I don't know what your mother will choose. I only hope that the doctors don't choose for her.

Is your mother afraid of death? I think that fear makes it harder either to stay or to go. If there are issues she has with family members, it would be good to resolve them now. Not so much because she might die, but really because the clearer her spirit is, the better her spirit can help her body heal.

Another thing. Depression kind of exploded onto me. Though I'd had low level Depression, it was something I considered normal. I was vibrant, active and fun-loving. A loss pushed me into full blown Depression, aided by biological changes. I might seem lethargic, etc from the outside now, and truthfully, also from the inside. But really I am still that same vibrant person, but just slower now.

And speaking of Depression, if your mother is not currently suffering from Depression, due to loss of things in her life and pain, etc, she would be a very unusual person. Some psychological attention would be appropriate for her now, as well as for yourself. Also talk to your local Hospice people.

Be sure to take care of yourself now, even at the expense of caring for her. You need to be well.

Tina

This is -soooo- true, IME. There are people for whom a health crisis is a turning point in their willingness to be themselves, and be honest about feelings, and to spend their time on the things that had the most importance to -them- rather than trying to satisfy others.

That goes a long way toward helping the body heal, as well. But even if it doesn't, it has a dramatic impact on *quality* of life, though it might not always extend one's quantity of life.

Deirdre

That's my experience and observation too. Especially that it will improve the quality of life, at the very least.

Tina