Is it normal to get weirdly defensive when someone asks what you're making?

You're not broken, this is a relly common thing among gift knitters and crocheters. I call it the secret-keeping reflex. I made my mom an Estonian lace shawl one winter and I got so wierd about questions that I basially started carrying it to knit group in an opaque tote bag and only pulling it out when nobody was looking. My own friends, people I've known for years, and I'd feel my shoulders tense the second someone leaned over to peek. Here's what I think is going on. A gift project lives in your head as a finished object and a future moment, the reveal, her face, all of it. Talking about it mid-process feels like it lets air out of that, or worse, risks the surprise getting back to the recipient. So your brain treats every question like a small security breach, even from someone with zero connection to your sister. The irritation isn't about the person asking at all. It's your brain defending the surprise. The mixed feelings make sense too. Half proud and wanting to show it off, half clamming up. Both can be true at once, and it doesn't mean anything is off with you. For deflections that don't sting, keep them short and warm. 'It's a surprise for someone, so I'm being cagey about it, but I'll show you after the big day.' That one works almost every time because it tells the person the brush-off isn't about them, it's about the surprise. At group nights you can even set it once up front: 'I'm working on something secret, so if I go all evasive, that's why.' Then when someone asks you can just grin and point at the bag. People ussually find it fun rather than rude once they know there's a reason. And yeah, maybe say something light to the newer member next time you see her. Something like 'sorry if I was odd about my project the other week, it's a surprise gift and I've been paranoid about it.' Thirty seconds and it's fixed.

I totally get the anxiety about the reveal, it's awkward. I dealt with this when I was making a quilt for my cousin's wedding and just cut all the talk. Instead of dodging the question, I'd tell them what colors I was using or what pattern I was following, but never the recipient or the date. That way they knew it was a big thing, but they weren't guessing the big part. It seemed less like hiding a secret and more like sharing the craftsmanship. I found that sharing a tiny piece of the process usually shuts down the further questions. If you want to avoid the tension, just talk about the yarn and not the person.

I don't entirely agree that the irritation is purely about defending the surprise. I think suggesting it's just the brain guarding the secret misses the point of the actual annoyance. Sometimes it isn't the surprise that bothers you, but the implication that you are doing something worth explaining. It makes the project feel like a performance. For me, when people ask questions, I feel like they are judging the labor or the effort, not just the eventual gift. I've had friends who ask for details, and my reaction isn't really about keeping the person in the dark, but about keeping my actual hard work private because I feel judged if I let it out too soon.