laundromat irritation

I'm glad the attendant asked the mom's to remove the kids from the tables. And I thought it was ME who always seemed to be around the moms who don't look after the smaller children! Glad you were able to get your fabric folded. Barbara in FL

Good, good for you, Mary. I'm so glad you spoke to the attendant. You probably saved one of those little ones a terrible accident. Run and play on a table? Mercy! Polly

"Bobbie Sews More" I'm glad the attendant asked the mom's to remove the kids from the tables.

Just have to chime in here...not a laundramat issue but similar with respect to people minding their children. Years ago DH & I stopped at a park to watch fireworks for 4th of July. It was still early and there was a playground for the little ones along with lawn space. We parked ourselves and were just enjoying the evening waiting for fireworks. While watching some of the adults there with their children I made the comment to DH that I thought we were more attentive to mindful of our dogs than most of those people seemed to be about their children! Granted, we don't have children of our own but have plenty of nieces & nephews and friends children that we spend LOTS of time with. I would no more allow a child to run on a table than fly. Maybe because I don't have my own kids I'm more overprotective of the ones I am around. Let alone allowing them to disturb others for no valid reason. And heaven forbid we might have some personal responsibility for our own stupidity! Good on you for speaking up and for the attendant for having them cease and desist.

Kim in windy NJ

Many years ago, when my Lily was new, I used to cart her back and forward to a sewing glass every week. I put her down in the lobby of the adult studies center, close to a table, while I went and picked something up from the reception desk... When I turned round again, one of the kids awaiting their 'ballet' class was CLIMBING UP ON THE TABLE VIA MY SEWING MACHINE!

I used my best Reach The Other Side Of The Playground Teacher's Volume voice to bark 'GET DOWN!' at the child. She did, but her mother protested. Fine! I said. I'll collect your name and address from reception, and if I get home and find the machine is broken, you will be getting a bill for eleven hundred pounds for a replacement! And I will expect compensation for business lost while I await the replacement machine.

I turned back to the reception desk. The center manager was behind it. Nice one! She said, I'll back you all the way!

When I turned back, none of the kids wee anywhere close to that table or my machine. And any time I appeared with it after that, I'd hear a voice telling the kids "Don't go near the lady's sewing machine, dear: you don't want to break it!"

Mary, good for you! I am not perfect. I made mistakes when my boys were young. But so many parents, then and now, just left me gaping at their stupidity. I sometimes wonder how the species ever survived. And besides the inexplicable lack of care, I can't tell you how many times I've watched parents slapping, pinching, shaking, jerking off the ground, name-calling and generally turning their children into future juvenile delinquents.

Sorry for the rant. I just got back from shopping and once again watched a mother make a difference between two daughters, one of whom was allowed to buy a thing because she was 'pretty' and the other denied because 'you wouldn't know what to do with it' and I almost went ballistic.

Sunny

This reminded me of our trip out west. We were coming down from Pikes Peak when we just about stopped the car to slap a couple of parents. They were sitting on a "wall" about 2 foot high. It was at the very edge of the mountain with a straight drop down. They were seated about 8 feet apart allowing their toddler to walk between them!! The child was still at the stage of being barely able to stay upright on a flat surface and here they were allowing him to walk on an uneven stone wall over a straight drop. Shouldn't there be a license to parent!!!

I managed to raise our 2 girls without major injuries cause by my own stupidity. Now I'm biting my nails everytime I see the grandkids do something I think is dangerous. I want them all to be brave and fearless up to the point where it gets Grandma to break out in a sweat!!! Moni

On Fri, 15 Oct 2010 13:35:47 -0500, Mary wrote (in article ):

Seems endemic these days. Everywhere I go I see people who just don't either watch their own children or let them do stupid things and then blame others when said children get hurt.

I'm getting far to grumpy in my middle age.

Maureen

On Fri, 15 Oct 2010 18:32:50 -0500, Sunny wrote (in article ):

On Fri, 15 Oct 2010 18:32:50 -0500, Sunny wrote (in article ):

OMG! Are you my neighbor. The landlord of the building next to ours rents to people like this all the time. We never hear them speaking nicely or see them interacting lovingly with the children. I sometimes wonder if these people dislike children so much, why did they have them in the first place?

Maureen

That's something I have to admit I'd never thought about. That so many of the new parents haven't been properly parented, no matter what the education or socio-economic situation. Good point. And even though I came from a two parent family with a SAHM, I still got a lot of great information from a class I took when my kids were small. Hummmm, haven't thought about that in years. There was a very active, well organized group of moms in Phoenix who had a great parental "school" set up. Classes were divided up according to developmental ages.....from newborn through teens. AND there was childcare there!

I think a lot of people truly cannot afford to have a SAHM in the equation these days, but for those who *can* afford to have one parent at home but choose to have 2 working parents, just so they can have more "stuff", more material wealth, well that is not what we want in our family. I have tons of education, but although my son will have years and years to learn at school, he'll never again have a few years at home with his Mum. So I'm staying at home with him, spending time with him, stopping to smell the roses with him. It is good.

Things have changed so much. By the time my own Mum was my age, she had had 7 children, and was a grandmother about 3 times over. She was a SAHM herself, having only finished the 8th grade. Except for Avon, she never earned money outside the home (not to suggest she did not "work" even if no one paid her).

At least we have choices today, that our mothers and grandmothers did not have. It is sad when people do not put their children first, or do not parent well..... but you could volunteer to work with children or with children's clubs. I did for years, and it was good for me and the children involved. I still run into them now and again, all teenagers, and all richer for the experience of lots of caring adults in their lives.

-- Jo in Scotland

I couldn't afford to go to work, so was a SAHM!! Well, by the time childcare was taken out of any wages that I could have earnt, there wasn't anything left over. I didn't have family close enough by to use for childcare either. So we went without some material things, but there was a good group of us Mums who passed clothes etc around the community, so no-one was without.

DDs are now 15 and 11 and I wouldn't have missed a moment of it. I now work p/t as an English teacher, so I'm here for the school hols etc and I know that they are probably old enough for me to find full-time work elsewhere, but I love sharing my time with them and it won't be long before they leave the family nest, so I'm enjoying them still - even if I am the TAXI!!!

I like to think that they are both confident young ladies, who know who they are and for me that's the best reward going.

Janner France

I'm a part-time work at home mum rather than a stay at home mum... But I do agree that for most kids, having a parent at home and fewer worldly good is probably better for them than more material stuff and fancy holidays and less hands on parenting. I count myself lucky that we have managed - even though at times we merely scrape by!

We moved to a more affordable location so I could be a SAHM. I am a retired SAHM now and enjoying it. Being a 'taxi driver' might seem a drudgery some days but you get your kids locked up in a confined area and can have some fun and interesting conversations. Maybe not as much now that there are cell phones but I enjoyed ferrying around many kids back in the day. Taria

So glad to hear that you are staying home to enjoy these special years. Sacrifices today will cost less than rescuing your child from trouble later. My friend who runs a daycare gets so frustrated at the parents who don't spend any time with their children on the week ends when they aren't working. She will have a child almost potty trained during the week but the child arrives back on Monday in diapers because the parents didn't have time to follow through with her work on the week ends. She also gets really upset at children who arrive at

6:30 in the morning eating candy. The parents either didn't have time for breakfast or give the child candy to gain cooperation during the drive to daycare. Because of her location and charges she only has children from highly paid professional families. Not all the families are disasters but enough to make her worry about the next generations. She has found good trends in more families sharing responsibility of child raising between mother and father and families with at least one parent working part time to give them more time with their children.

Susan

Playing devil's advocate here --- Both my daughter and my daughter-in-law are working mothers -- mostly by choice, because with a few changes in lifestyle they could afford to be SAHMs. However, both spend lots of quality time with the kids (as do the dads). I think both, especially my daughter, are better parents because of the time away from the kids. Both would also find that they needed a lot of retraining if they were to take several years off. I was a SAHM until my youngest was in 2nd grade. Then I spent 2 years back in college to get a second degree in another field (computer science -- 1st was in elementary education). Even going back to education after 10-12 years out would have required going back to school & jobs were not plentiful.

Julia >> That's something I have to admit I'd never thought about. That so

Thank you Julia. My mum stayed at home until I started school and then she went into teaching, part time to start with and full time when I was older. It worked for us. My dad was a teacher too, so we had all the school holidays together and my mum taught just a few miles from where we lived, so she didn't have a long commute.

I too am a mum who does paid work outside the home. DH's family have an engineering business which he and I are now responsible for. When DS1 was born, almost 13 years ago, I went back to work part time when he was about 6 months old. He came in with me and his grandpa would sing him to sleep for his afternoon nap the days we were in. When he got to be too active for his own safety he went to nursery 2 or 3 days a week until he was old enough for playgroup each morning and also by then DS2 was also on the scene and I stayed off work for about a year as orders were thin on the ground and it made more sense for me to stay at home. Again when I went back it was part time until both boys were in school full time. MIL was a great boon once she "retired" and also I had a super childminder whose own boys were pretty much of an age with my 2 - they had been at the same playgroup.

DH & I have always been there for the boys, even if not actually with them 24/7. They see a lot more of their dad than many kids do - after school they come in to the office and get their homework done and then we all go home together. I know we can only do this because it is our own company and working for someone else I would have hard choices to make.

Lizzy

I'm with Julia and Lizzy.

I went back to work a year after my son was born - it was the longest time I could get off and keep my job. Was I working for luxuries? I don't know - how do you define luxury? For me, it was the plan I had that DH and I would be able to retire someday. We had one child and we have always lived well beneath our means. Small house, plain cars, I made my own clothes. DH never had expensive hobbies, which was good because sewing machines and fabric aren't cheap! Bret was with my parents for a couple years and then went to daycare. I was lucky enough to get promotions that not only helped my plan financially, but allowed me flexible hours so I could be home when the school bus came by. Summers he was in a very good daycare. We spent all the time with him we could, and we monitored his friends. I believe that after a certain age, the peer group has more influence on a child than the parents, and recent studies have backed this up. So you watch their peers very carefully. We never had a problem with Bret's friends, who were all band geeks (their term) like him.

Bret's 26 and on his way to a PhD. He's happy, well adjusted and well liked by all his profs. I couldn't ask for a better kid. I retired five years ago, age 54; DH retired four years ago, age 55. With our savings and our government pensions, we are pretty much set. I loved the time off I had when Bret was a baby, and I would have loved to quit working. But if I had done it even for a few years, I never would have gotten where I did career-wise, and DH would have to work much longer, maybe most of his life. It didn't seem fair to me. Other folks' mileage may differ.

I hate to post something that seems like a bragfest. I don't preach to stay at home parents about their choices. But I have a hard time keeping quiet when I hear a lot of talk about how awful it is for parents to work while their kids are growing up. My kid turned out great. DH and I are happy. We made the right choices for us, and I don't apologize for them.

Iris

Okay. So I'm a great-grandmother. Indulge me. I come from an old set of values. The young folks now who must have fine new vehicles and a home with

4 bedrooms and 2½ baths astound me. For that matter, I'm baffled by the term 'single mother'. I don't know how that's biologically possible. There are just so many, too many children having children now. They hand them off to grandma or 'big mama' to raise. She's exhausted, overwhelmed and doing the best she can. What's wrong with this picture and how can we help? Polly