no quilting and here's why.........

I did a lot of driving to and from school. my kids and many neighbor kids. the bus is a nasty, unsupervised place. If you can get around using it you will all be happier and your child safer. You can learn a lot from chattering kids in your car too! I'm sorry Thomas has had to go through this mess. Kids can be mean and rotten. I hope you can get it worked out. You walk a fine line because after a certain age moms jumping in can become a whole other issue the kids will tease and harass about even if it is what needs done, especially for his safety. Good luck with the battle. I am so sorry you all have to go through the mess. Taria

Thought I'd post an update since I know this group is full of prayer warriors and supportive people.

On 2/8, a child on the bus called my DS gay, then tripped him right as he was at the top of the stairs to get off the bus. DS was able to catch himself, but his glasses got a little bent....fixed them, and on

2/9 reported it to the principal since the VP wasn't in yet. He talked to DS, then talked to other kid (who said, no, I didn't say that, and he must have tripped over my binder), then back to DS where he repeated what the other child said. SO....now my DS believes that the principal thinks he's a liar after being told that he could go to one of the adults for help. Another part to this is that the other child has consistently been in AES (aka In school suspension) since the start of the year, and my DS is on the A-B honor roll and had AES for 1 class period, ONCE, for talking after the teacher asked him to quiet down 3 times. ok.........

2/13, there's a school assembly and the child and his friends sit directly behind my son, and persist in calling him gay throughout the entire assembly.....

2/15, this same child starts by pulling my son's hair, again calling him gay, and throwing punches at him...starting at the middle school, continuing while they are loading more kids at the high school, and not stopping until they get to DS's bus stop (our driveway). The other child made it into a joke that DS was flinching every time he threw a punch, when in reality, DS was blocking the punches, as he learned to do in karate. Kid throws another punch, DS blocks it, kid grabs and holds DSs arm and punches him in the head with his other hand (nice huge, red spot on DSs forehead). Kid does it again, holds DSs arm, and this time, punches DS hard enough to bend the nose pieces of DSs glasses.

Immediately took the kids to the middle school, so VP saw the red spot, the bent up glasses, etc. Child was confronted and initially said that was how DS looked when he got on the bus....yeah, right. Then they pulled the bus video....oh, and they questioned the bus driver because he didn't right up the incident nor did he report it to the school. The other child said that everything he did to Thomas (as reported by T) is what T actually did to him.....when both the bus driver and the other child were confronted by the video, the bus driver first said that he didn't think it would show anything because the boys sat in the first and second seats behind him (which means he should have heard everything that was going on), and then the other child admitted that it happened the way that DS had reported it as happening.

Needless to say, I have more gray hairs as well as an appointment with Juvenile Intake on Friday.....the other child is guilty of harassment, assault, and battery....and it's not being handled properly by the school since all this child has ever gotten in response to his behavior is to be sent to AES, regardless of what the offense is.

SO....that's the latest reason for not quilting.....on a trivial note, I'm also not quilting because DD has decided that she wants her room repainted, so the quilt will be on hold until the room gets redone....

AAGGHH!! This makes me soooo angry.

When is this all going to end? In my lifetime I hope. What is it with these bus drivers and principals and other teachers and anyone that doesn't think this name calling exists. That this bullying exists. That all this crap exists. I know that life isn't always easy, but, this sort of stuff isn't necessary and I'm tired of it being tolerated by others.

I hope you are a wailing banshee with these people Larisa. Do they not read the news and not know that they need to act on this. Now, yesterday, last week. And everyday in the future. I hope the little S**T gets what's coming to him in the form of discipline and that most of all he gets some help. It sounds like he needs it.

Just yesterday I stopped a student who was yelling down the hallway at the top of his lungs, "So and so is gay." Over and over. I whipped around the corner and asked him, "Really. Is he really gay? How do you know that?" Well, obviously he didn't know that and had no excuse. And this was one of his friends he was yelling at. I asked him if he would like to be called gay, or, and yes, I used several other quite negative slurs, and he recoiled and said no. I said "Right, you wouldn't." I also told him I was personally offended and that I would be listening out for him when he was least expecting it. I also told him to get a move on or he'd be tardy and if he was I'd make sure he got a detention.

And then last nights episode of Glee where a character tried to kill himself for being harassed.

So Larisa, scream, yell, whatever you have to do with the VP and P and bus driver and boss and those at Juvenile intake. Make them notice and don't let them off the hook. Back them up to the wall. I'm you're biggest cheering section to get this to stop.

Steven Alaska

"off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net" wrote in message news: snipped-for-privacy@f14g2000yqe.googlegroups.com...

Good grief! What does it take to get people to *notice* what these feral kids do???

I don't know if it's any help, but a friend of mine got heartily sick of her daughter being assaulted by a gang on the bus. She went to the police and got an AVO (Apprehended Violence Order) against the girls. The school had to police it (ie. keep the girls a minimum distance away from the victim at all times) and it didn't take long for all instances of abuse of this child to stop.

Can you take out a restraining order against these kids? Or, maybe, get in touch with an older kid and ask him/her to watch your child on the bus. S/he needn't interfere, but could take photos or at least witness what's going on when the Principal asks. Or, maybe you could contact the parents of other bus-travellers and enlist their help in alerting the kids to keep watch for bad behaviour. 'All it takes is for good men to do nothing', y'know?

I feel for you. Both my kids were bullied and in the twenty-six years of their education I never got a single teacher to even say 'poor thing!' Good luck!

Thanks everyone.

The information coming from the school (I have my sources that don't include administration) have informed me that the other child hasn't been in classes. However, that doesn't mean that he isn't in school. Like I said, he's gotten AES consistently since the beginning of the year because that's all the principal seems to be willing to do. (On another note, confidence in the principal is dropping...one case...2 teachers and several students witnessed a child throw a carton of spoiled milk at another child and reported it. The other child ended up with ruined clothes as well as school books, and despite all the witnesses that said the first child did it, the only response from the principal was " I'll have to look into it."...so he doesn't even trust his own teachers apparently).

With regards to the bus, I've gotten one part eliminated....neither of my children rides the bus any longer. We don't live that far from the schools, and I actually take them in the morning (elementary bus was getting there so that DD wouldn't get to class until after the tardy bell rang...she was NOT happy and neither was I), so getting them in the afternoon isn't a big thing. Part of the reason they were riding the bus home was at their request so that they could hang with their friends a little longer....well, they'll get over it.

Now, with regards to the name calling....DS and I had a long talk and basically, he said if what he was saying were true, it wouldn't bother me, but regardless, if someone is gay or not isn't a reason to torment them (I guess I'm raising them right, huh?) and we talked about why this kid thinks this is a "good" (sarcastic, of course) way to annoy others. What really sucks is this all started during the school-wide anti-bullying week....I don't know if the kid completely missed the message or if it only served to remind him of "Oh yeah, let's pick on Thomas"...who knows.

I will be calling the bus garage to see what has been done on their end, especially since the bus driver admitted it happened when confronted with the video (I personally think he should be on a forced vacation since the boys site directly behind him and he didn't do anything to stop it or separate them).

I also need to call the resource officer to make sure he faxed over the paperwork that is needed at Juvenile Intake.

With regards to restraining order....we have tried going through the school, but since my son has an IEP (Asperger syndrome is primary, ADHD and anxiety are secondary), they really can't move his classes around. WHen they told me this, I said that I should hope to hell they weren't changing his schedule because a) why punish my son for the action of another child and b) changing the schedule of a child on the autism spectrum without advance warning was setting EVERYONE up for a horrific few weeks as he tried to make the adjustments. They can't move the other child either....but....they only have 1 class together, and that class has both the regular teacher and the SpEd teacher in it so th ey are going to make sure the boys are at opposite sides of the class and that the punk leaves first. The SpEd teacher will follow behind DS to his next class to make sure nothing happens between him and the other boy (behind so that it's not as big a thing as if he were walking with her).

That's the best they can do. However, if one more thing happens, this will be going against the school, the administration, and the teachers involved.....especially since this is the only option the said they had and they said they'd keep an eye out (I have more faith in the teachers watching out for DS then I do the administration...well...the principal. VP has been pretty good about getting all the information gathered and such)>

So....that's where we are now. DS and I will be in the next town over for a 3pm appointment tomorrow and hopefully all will go well....

It sounds like you have made contact with the school and all. Now, can you go up the chain of command to the district school board? I bet they would be interested to hear that one of their principals is not demonstrating good principals of education.

just a thought.... G> Thanks everyone.

On Wed, 22 Feb 2012 20:06:54 -0600, off kilter snipped-for-privacy@somwherequiet.net wrote (in article ):

That's horrible! I hope the school actually does something to help DS.

Maureen

"off kilter > Thought I'd post an update since I know this group is full of prayer

I'm so sorry your family is going through this. I'm all for going to who ever is the head of the school district to let them know what is going on. Would the local newspaper be interested in this story? Barbara in FL

I suggest you do a few things, in order as needed.

First, send a certified letter to the Superintendent, showing copies to the President of the School Board and to the building Principal. Detail exactly what happened, and tell them you expect the school to provide the protection required by applicable law and court case precedents to stop bullying. Also, say you expect a written response by a named date -- I'd give it 14 days at most.

If after 14 days you have not received a written response, decide whether you want to go the "press route" or the "lawyer route". If the "press route", call your local news paper, say there is bullying going on that the school is not addressing properly, that your son has been a victim and physically injured by it, and give them a photocopy of the letter you sent to the school folks. Let them come take photos if they want, and let them print an article. With the "lawyer route", go to an attorney in your area who does not represent the school, the Principal personally, the Superintendent personally, or the rotten kid and his parents, and turn the lawyer loose to file appropriate lawsuit for damages. That case can probably be handled on a contingency fee basis.

Schools have a positive duty to protect their students, and it appears that your district will have to have its feet held to the fire to get that done.

Certainly WILL be praying! And I'm glad Thomas has the right kind of parents, who pay attention to these things, believe the child, and follow up!

Karen, Queen of Squishies

With regards to legal action and going above the heads of the school administration: Ken and I have discussed this. In fact, I have a VERY detailed, 3 page (when I printed it out) email to the assistant superintendent who handles discipline policy as well as the superintendent. We decided to hold it for now since, by all the information I've received, they are keeping the boys separated in that one class, and the bus issue was "resolved" by me taking the kids off their respective buses.

HOWEVER.....if one more thing happens (and since they don't get out of school until June, it is quite probable that something will happen), that letter will be going out, and i will be working on getting the emails (at the very least) of all the school board members and sending it to them....of course, if it happens between now and March 3rd, I can hand deliver them at the next school board meeting.....following that, if no action is taken, we will go the lawyer route, and I already have one who has been very nice to work with - found him when another attorney suggested that I file a civil suit against the other kid's parents and I needed that explained by someone local to me. Surprisingly, he said, if I wanted to just give him my money, he could do that, and it would put fear into the parents, but really there wasn't anything they could do as far as a legal case. He also said, if it continues, he'd be more than happy to do a cease & desist order to the child, his parents, the school, and the superintendent with regards to the bullying and the allowing of the bullying with no acceptable consequences....again, we're holding that in reserve at this time.

Phew....Thomas is home today (picked him up early yesterday - nurse said his face was beet red and he felt warm and said he was nauseous...."looked 'puny' to her") and is rather lethargic. I'm hoping it's the combination of stress over this and the peanut butter and fluff sandwich he had for lunch yesterday. But....he will be with me tomorrow afternoon and we will take care of business and hopefully that will be an end to everything....doubtful, but I am trying to stay positive.

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!

Got no advice as you seem to be taking the route I'd have advised. Just sending hugs, tea, sympathy, gin - whatever it takes.

Chocolate???

I think, by the end of this school year, I will be at least 75% gray. Not that I mean anything negative by that, but I didn't start having visible gray hairs until I had a middle schooler, and with everything that is going on, they are showing up much more rapidly than I had expected.

So....going by my assumptions, by the time Bek gets to middle school, I'll probably be completely gray....should be an interesting look for me...I mean, my hair has been red, purple, black, blonde, it's natural brown....so why not gray?? lol

Larisa, I'm sure your son is very grateful to have you in his corner. A great many kids who are subject to bullying don't have anyone to turn to when this happens so give yourself credit for being the kind of parent who gets involved.

I'm sorry to hear you are having problems like this but proud that I "know" you.

Judie

Buttons

> Click on Kate's Pages and explore!>

Oh, yes, plenty of good Belgian chocolate!

I know some really good hair dyes... My currant one is a John Frieda foam job in cherry, which is a nice grey-smothering deep glossy mahogany sort of red.

Go silver?

Here is today's update:

Verified that resource officer had faxed information that was required by juvenile intake, picked up son and headed on over. Met with intake officer and it didn't go anywhere near as I had hoped. Basically he said that he had to take into account the ages of the children involved and the fact that the other child doesn't have a record. He will also be contacting the resource officer and requesting that he investigate it (resource officer is a sheriff's deputy assigned to work in the schools). In the middle of our meeting, Thomas informed both the intake officer and myself that the other child was back in English class today (the only class they have together, and they've already looked to see about changing the schedules around, but it isn't possible). SO....per the school handbook, the first offense of assault and battery is supposed to be a 10-day suspension, referral to discipline committee, notification sent to sheriff's department.....yet the kid was back in class today??

SO.....Monday, I will plant my butt in the front office of the middle school until the vice principal decides to see me and I will ask why she didn't not follow the school handbook. I will also be making a pain of myself at the school administration office until the assistant superintendent (the one in charge of discipline) sees me, at which point I will inform him of all the violations of the handbook that have happened and what has been the school's response as well as what I have been told by the intake officer. I will NOT be giving up on this at all. As of right now, I have everything documented in my calendar and the email that I started has reached 3 pages where everything has been documented.

As far as restraining order, that has to go through the juvenile office; glasses were fixed free of charge since they are brand new and still under warranty; written report....well, when I called the police, I was referred to juvenile intake, and well....you can see where that ended up. Will talk with DH about contacting the DA about this, and have to call the bus garage to see the video....right now, I'm just gorging on pizza (white sauce, spinach and mushrooms) and coca-cola....will decompress by playing with fabrics and wrapping a present for DD to take to a birthday party tomorrow.