OT reception planning

I have NEVER done anything like this, but I would probably get an itemized list of all the costs and then shop around and see if you can do better on the prices- liquor comes to mind as a biggie with a huge mark-up. I am fascinated with anything calla lily and have stumbled across some really pretty wedding thingies of all sorts on eBay. You may not like calla lilies, but just an idea that there's a LOT of stuff out there. Anything you can do yourself without getting your stress level out of sight will save some money and possibly personalize the wedding more than their 'stock' wedding packages. Just a thought.

Have fun- I do not envy you having to pull all the details together. We've all heard about the wedding that was planned down to the final tiniest detail and then they realized, at the last minute, that no one ordered the flowers or the cake or something that was really, really necessary! I do know bridal gowns have to be ordered plenty in advance- and then you pray for months until The Wedding Day that the bride doesn't gain or lose weight! No, I do NOT envy you one little bit. VBG

Leslie, Missy & The Furbabies in MO.

I arranged my own wedding and I was terrified of overspending. I tried to save on almost everything. I wish now that I hadn't in some areas. Nuff said (from my point of view - it's all a bit sad-making). . In message , KJ writes

Thanks a lot Leslie! It sounds like we are cut from the same cloth. There won't be much flexibility with the venue...but maybe some. We don't have a lot of choices in our smallish town, and DD has picked a place she had loved since it opened. We probably have to work within a package....but the package CAN be customized...(though probably customized UP!) This will be a Christmas time wedding, so we'll probably have a built in "theme" to some extent. Either Christmas (though I don't really like poinsettias) or "winter" with some Irish touches thrown in. The groom is proud of his Irish ancestry. It should be fun....with the exception of the grumpy father of the bride (DH). The less we give him the details, the happier he'll be. Maybe it's a good thing I do the accounting around here.

When our kids got married (one son, one daughter) we decided what we wanted and could afford to give them for the wedding. I also bought DD's dress. Then it was up to them to either plan a wedding within that amount or come up with the rest of the money themselves. In both cases, both members of the couple had good jobs and money was not a real problem for the other parents. DD made a budget and they came in under budget overall. They did go over budget on photos, but made up in other areas. DD made her invitations and centerpieces. I'm not sure she saved anything on invitations, but had nice, unique invitations. Her centerpieces were paper lanterns that with a votive candle in the center, set on a round mirror. We took the flowers from the church to the reception site, so they got double use. Unfortunately the holidays are probably not a good time to try to get a good price, because facilities are usually pretty busy with holiday parties :(. Don't get too stressed; after all it's only a wedding. The marriage is the important part.

Julia in MN

This is YOUR WEDDING....NOT the Bride, not the Groom......YOUR Wedding. do NOT let him say' Whatever YOU like (some things are ok for you to decide--but the majority should be a TOGETHER ok.)

Go over the Guest List very carefully, have food that you both LIKE (caterer? TASTE TEST it first, same with the cake): make sure the Florist writes the person's name on each corsage, boutonniere, etc (PLEASE be sure that neither of you are allergic to what you carry/wear), : IF you get your shoes 'dyed' make sure they can be RE-DYED; check to see if there are any Hotels that will give a discount to your traveling wedding guests, rental Hall fees......include insurance?: music that you BOTH like---both for church and reception. (Guarantee money back if the band gets sick and you have to bring your 'record player' at the last second?); Honeymoon plans where you BOTH want to go: Reservations ahead of time, etc. These are just off the top of my head........did a LOT of Wedding Bouquets, worked with a LOT of brides, brides and grooms, Brides' Mom cause DD was 'in college, works outta town, etc.

Seen and heard of a lot of "OOOOPSSSS, we forgot to"..........

SET A BUDGET and know that you WILL spend more. It's been about 20 years since I last helped plan a wedding so I can't help with any pricing.

After the Wedding, a NICE touch would be writing a TY note to the ppl that made your day EXTRA Special.

HTH Butterfly (Congratulations)

Sis got married the Day after Christmas. Church was already decked out so that saved a bundle. We wore red velvet dresses and the flower girl wore green and carried a single red poinsettia on a white 'muff'. Bride carried red roses. Aunt lent her a fur stole---it was winter in the middle of Northern MI....cold.....snow......

Flowers that come to mind: Carnations always look lovely with pine greens (roses will be very expensive because of the Rose Parade and Christmas), Spider Mums and button mums for a delicate look, and either white static or baby's breath. Type in Christmas Flowers for a few more ideas..and give you a price range.

HTH Butterfly

Now those are the kinds of tips I want to hear. "Name on the flowers."...who knew? Not me. A hotel runs the country club venue we are booking. So the food will be from them and they even include the cake from a nice bakery in the package, as well as discounted rooms to reserve. It's the "ooops, we forgot" that I want to know about. I have enough oops in my usual days!

We managed to pull off a nice wedding for our daughter despite the fact she came from a long line of elopers who didn't know squat about planning a wedding, ha. One suggestion, keep your sense of humor, and find time to watch "Father of the Bride". I suppose the one thing I learned was one of the most important contracts is the photographer. I sure wouldn't scrimp on this one if I had it to do over. Congratulations!

Sherry

What would I have done differently? Gotten a professional photographer.

We used a family member who had won awards for her spot photography (flowers, hot air balloons, kids playing, etc.). She was uncomfortable with the job, and we really should have taken that as a delicate refusal. The photos we have are okay, but I know I would have been happier with a professional wedding photographer, even if we had to pay off the expense for months.

My opinion: do what the couple want to do and don't skimp on the things they think are important. Your guests are going to take their cues from how happy the bride and groom are. If they're smiling and enjoying themselves, then so will your guests. If they're fretting over whether or not they're going to run out of cake/the flowers aren't what we really wanted/they're overcharging on mixed drinks, etc., etc., etc., then the guests will be uncomfortable, too.

And plan to schedule several hours just before the big day for you to utterly pamper yourself; spa trip, massage, a romantic dinner, whatever. You'll need the chance to de-stress.

Anastasia

--who's supposed to be writing a paper right now....

Thank you Sherry! That's what I'm wanting to hear....the things you would do differently. From experience.

Great advice! Thanks! I don't anticipate this being horribly stressful. Both DD and I are rather laid back, which can hinder good planning actually. I always assume everything will work out and people will do their jobs without me breathing down their necks...and sometimes it doesn't!!! There are times I wish I had more of a type A personality.

Our own reception - many decades ago - surely didn't go as planned. We had a professional photographer at the church who had a long list of pictures he wanted to make and we had lots of family that demanded that he take pictures of great-aunt Bessie (who had just celebrated her 95th birthday) and little Priscilla who had just turned two and did look precious . . . you've got the picture. Anyhow, the bridal party arrived at the reception more than an hour late because of the massive photo-op taking place at the church. By the time we got to the reception, the other guests were weary and ready to go their ways. I don't know yet what would have been the solution. Polly

Be careful what you wish for!! . In message , KJ writes

At my nephews wedding, the photographer set up in the church basement quite a bit before the start of the wedding. Family had been invited to the church early for some snacks and, as it turned out, to have pictures taken with the photographer. Only problem was....for some reason my family didn't get the message. We haven't had a formal sitting done since the kids were little. It would have been a great opportunity to get one. Sigh. I'm sure it is a nice way for the photographer to sell some extra pictures...just need to get the word out that he's taking EVERYONE'S picture! A neat idea... maybe it would have been the solution fot the Great Aunt Bessie issue.

Ditto on the Photographer but get one that is WELL KNOWN. Bro had one that NEVER EVER gave them their photos. He skipped town (divorce) and Months later someone found boxes and boxes of photos out in the dump totally ruined by the weather by the time they were found. We had my Uncle---he was good and greatly ENJOYED what he was doing. The photos show it as 'a lot in the moment' that most Pro's wouldn't have gotten . (One of My Grandmother dancing with my Sis-we are the ONLY Wedding she danced at in years and years-Pro wouldn't have known that) Niece had a friend that did a video-4 hours long! What a gift. Photos that are rarely seen are of both the Bride and the Groom getting ready beforehand. Florist delivering the flowers, cake being set up......all those things that 'make' a Wedding.

HTH Butterfly

What happens if the wedding gets canceled? it DOES happen.....what all will you have to pay for? Will you get ANY deposits back?

MAKE SURE the 'hall, church. etc' has NOT been booked---or the church with back to back weddings.......Photog won't have time to take those church pics if it is.

MAKE LISTS AND MORE LISTS.........tape them INSIDE a cupboard door so someone doesn't pitch them cause *I* didn't know what they were.

Make sure your SHOES FIT........Sis bought ours downstate and we didn't get to try them on until the DAY of the wedding......OUCH OUCH OUCH all day. (I had 2 pair for mine---Church ones and reception ones as it rained and rained that day so I was GLAD to get out of wet shoes)

IF she has a 'train' on her gown have the dressmaker fix it so she doesn't have to 'carry it' at the reception. it'll wear her out and be in the 'way' when she's dancing (ask how I know-didn't then)

All I can think of right now.

Butterfly

yes, check the Photographers referrences. Ask for other Brides' names and phone numbers to check to see if they were satisfied. Also, he/she should have an established studio. You'll be able to see his/her work on the walls. Another thing i wouldv'e done better is to make sure the bride has no stress on the morning of the wedding. If you've ever seen "My big fat greek wedding" that was mine...only Italian, and louder! =) i can now but back then, i was so tense, it was aweful. what i wouldv'e really liked was a bubble bath, the hairdresser to be on time and a super cup of cocoa. also--make sure the best man doesnt get the groom drunk the night before. that's a whole other story.... amy in CNY

We had our pictures taken before the ceremony, before the guests arrived. We still had to deal with snapshots later, but that wasn't too bad. It does help a bit, though it means the groom sees the bride before the ceremony. Both our kids did it the same way.

Julia > Our own reception - many decades ago - surely didn't go as planned. We had

When DD and I were interviewing photographers, she recognized brides in almost every sample book. I knew the mother of one and called her. She said they had used that photographer for their oldest daughter's wedding. When the second one got married, they didn't even consider anyone else. DD went with that photographer and we weren't sorry.

Julia in MN