As has been posted by others I had to assist Chilkoot my beloved buddy bear over Rainbow Bridge in September. I have to say that the decision to do so was rather an easy one but the aftermath has made us highly emotional wrecks. There are no words that I know of, NONE, that can describe our grief.
Chilkoot, my Giant Alaska Malamute started regurgitating his foot and water late last December. He had developed a condition called megaesophagus. This is a condition where the nerves in the esophagus stop working. He would eat or drink and most of it would get into his stomach but a lot would hang up in his esophagus. The muscles in the esophagus would not move the food down into his stomach and when he laid down he would regurgitate the food out of the esophagus onto the floor. Female dogs do this for their puppies. Both female and male dogs get very protective of this regurgitated stuff and my buddy bear would often lay in it or eat it, then regurgitate it again.
The condition is manageable with proper feeding and drugs. I had to build a stand and get his food/water dish up about 4-1/2 feet off the floor so that he his esophagus was about 45º to the floor when he ate or drank and then keep him mobile for about 20 minutes after feeding. Since December I also had to make up his food and water to a slurry form in order for it to roll? down the esophagus into his stomach. In Dec/Jan he was regurgitating about a dozen times a day/night so I was kept busy - usually cleaning the food from his fur, wiping his face (I'm talking about using one or two rolls of paper towels a day) and preparing 10 cups of gruel for him every day. Considering the fact that years ago he had saved my butt from two grizzly bear attacks I thought that it was well worth the effort to give him the best care that I could. It's called payback time. We finally got the regurgitating down to 2 or 3 episodes a day/night but two months ago we noticed that he was displaying symptoms of Myasthenia Gravis even though he had tested negative for this disease twice since Dec.
Myasthenia Gravis is treatable and a lot of dogs go into complete remission. When the Myasthenia Gravis goes into remission the megaesophagus problem often goes into remission as well. Unfortunately for my buddy bear his response to drug therapy was hit and miss. It was like being on a roller coaster to HELL! The worst part about the Myasthenia Gravis was that it was causing severe weakness in his hind quarters and after walking about 20 feet he would collapse, he would rest for a few minutes get up and walk another
20 feet and down he would go again. Some days he was fine other days he was in pretty bad shape. Since July I made four appointments to have my buddy bear put down. I cancelled three of the appointments because on the fateful days planned he would be fine, no walking or feeding problems. Then regurgitating started to get very bad and on Sept 25 mobility wise he took a very bad turn for the worse. We just got him to the vet. and he had a total collapse. There was no coming home this time - it was time for him to go.The decision to help my buddy bear on his way to the Rainbow Bridge was easy and the procedure went very well. The vet arranged for the cremation. I allowed the vet to due a post mortem in order that she might be able to learn more about this dreadful disease and she promised me that my Chilkoot would make the final trip wrapped up in his favourite blanket and not in a big black garbage bag. I figured my buddy bear deserved that much dignity. I went home, shed a few tears and packed up his belongings including his Tickle-Me-Elmo doll - I will probably donate the stuff to the humane society. My buddy bear's picture is on RCTNP for those interested - look for Fred's Stuff.
The next day all emotional hell descended on me like a hurricane. There was no buddy bear to feed or to look after. There was no buddy bear laying at my feet in my office or in my shop watching me work. I couldn't clean up the leaves in the yard because there was no buddy bear sniffing the leaves hoping to stir up a little mouse to chase. I couldn't drive my van to go and get materials or make deliveries because there was no buddy bear sitting beside me or bouncing around inside the van. One day I finally got whatever strength it took to get into the van and go for some supplies. I parked and walked into the lumber store and got what I needed. - as I was walking back to my van I noticed that there was no smiling face of my buddy bear looking out the window waiting for me to come back - I'm not ashamed to admit it - I had a complete emotional collapse and completely, totally lost it. The store manager had me stay in his office for a hour until I could get myself together and go home. When I left, the store manager was in very bad shape because whenever I had gone there for supplies he would go out and visit with my buddy bear - those days are gone forever. The other day my son cleaned up the van removing the nose prints off the windows and the slobber off the dash. I almost lost it again and told him to leave what ever fur there was in the van right where it was. The van was our boogie van and I'm not emotionally ready for a total clean up just yet. I have stopped driving my van for the time being and drive my 1/2 ton chevy as needed - it seems to help - read - B.S.
For those who find my emotional uproar a little extreme it might help if you knew that for 11-1/2 years my buddy bear was very, very seldom ever more than 30 feet away from me, eating, sleeping, shopping, driving, walking, you name it and he was right there with me. In fact over the years he was probably with me more hours than my sweet Marjorie who is having a very difficult time as well. Whenever she opens up a loaf of bread or the fridge door there is no buddy bear patiently standing beside her wagging his big bushy tail, slobbering on her foot as he waited for a snack. The half empty peanut jar sitting on the kitchen counter will probably go rancid before she can muster up whatever it takes to throw it out. I've been warned to leave it where it is.
I think I've blubbered on here long enough....
Fred