You can blame my grandson for this one.
Man goes into a doctor's office and says "Doc, you got to help me. I keep having these dreams at night" One night I dream I'm a wigwam, the next night, I dream I'm a teepee. It just keeps on going like that, night after night. Wigwam, teepee, wigwam teepee. Doc' What's wrong with me?"
And the Doc replys,
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . "Your'e just too tense"
George.
GEORGE!!!!! That was "awfully" good!!! :)
Going through some old messages the other day, I found this one from Trish (thanks for the push, Sheena!):
The worst pun I've ever heard was about the man who took his poor wife to the doctor in order to get an extremely annoying condition of her nether regions attended to. Apparently, whenever his wife - er - passed wind, the man maintained he distinctly heard the word 'Yamaha' being emitted, seemingly from her rear. The doctor applied some unpleasant ointment and told the couple to come back if things didn't improve within a few days.
Sure enough, they *did* return and the man complained that his wife now had a very painful abscess at the site of the ointment's application.
'Well...,' said the doctor, 'I don't know why you're complaining:
Scroll down...
Abscess makes the fart go 'Honda'!
Geez, this one is terrrible! However I've decided not to blame you, I blame the ENABLER !!!! lol
Lucille ;^))
>"Lucille" ,in rec.crafts.textiles.needleworkwrote: and entertained us with
I always get the blame - can't win lol I just felt sorry for Joan with a terrible weight like that in her email box !
After reading the recent humour I couldn't resist send you this little gem (those of a nervous disposition or sensitive nature should avert their eyes): The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Bruce Fletcher ,in rec.crafts.textiles.needleworkwrote: and entertained us with
A gem beyond price lol
Thankyou, I claim no originality for the item but hereabouts there are quite a few remnants of the old Spanish Navy (aka Armada).
Oh Dear, Bruce -- whatever shall we do with you? This is delightful and I shall be sending it directly onto DH. He'll probably want to know what sort of levels the Swedish at are. Their Navy buys the small gas turbines that are sold by the company DH works for :-). CiaoMeow >^;;^<
PAX, Tia Mary >^;;^< (RCTQ Queen of Kitties) Angels can't show their wings on earth but nothing was ever said about their whiskers! Visit my Photo albums at
The Rabbit and the Blonde
A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit jump out across the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the rabbit jumps right in front of the car. The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulls over and gets out to se what has become of the rabbit. Much to his dismay, the rabbit is dead. The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry. A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway sees a man crying on the side of the road and pulls over. She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong. "I feel terrible," ! he explains, "I accidentally hit this rabbit and killed it." The blonde says, "Don't worry." She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can. She walks over to the limp, dead rabbit, bends down, and sprays the contents onto the rabbit. The rabbit jumps up, waves its paw at the two of them and hops off down the road. Ten feet away the rabbit stops, turns around and waves again, he hops down the road another 10 feet, turns and waves, hops another ten feet, turns and waves, and repeats this again and again and again,until he hops out of sight. The man is astonished. He runs over to the woman and demands, "What is in that can? What did you spray on that rabbit?" The woman turns the can around so that the man can read the label.
It says.. (Are you ready for this?)
It says, "Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair, and adds permanent wave." Happy Easter!!!
Have something to add? Share your thoughts — no account required.
Ask the community — no account required