OT bed sharing and tiredness

What you described is our king-sized bed- the standard king is almost square and the California king is a bit longer and a bit narrower than the standard king. I can't remember which one is being phased out, but fitted sheets will become more difficult to find as they are phased out The king-sized foundation is in two twin sized pieces and the top mattress is just one big mattress. They are a stinker to turn and flip! I do not like the mattresses with the topper built in. I found they very quickly got impressions from laying in mostly one place after a year or so. Now they have some that you can fluff, but I wouldn't buy one again. But then I never bought a really expensive mattress, so they may be different.

I hate to say it but I always sleep better by myself. I love the comfy, cozy security of sleeping with my husband (when I had one!) but I never slept as well as by myself.

As far as mattresses go all you can do is try them out in the store- what works for one person is dreadful for another. And that's sure not a good way to choose one, but it's all anybody has.... unless you find a great one in a hotel and can buy one just like it. But I found a hotel mattress I loved after one night on it and then found out that model was ONLY sold to hotels. What a disappointment! Good luck!

Leslie, Missy &The Furbabies in MO.

Leslie, I agree with you. I love DH, but I sleep *so* much better alone. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been for our ancestors in the tiny beds they shared with their spouses. Our bed here is a queen-sized one, and I never thought I'd want something larger, but a king-sized bed sounds heavenly these days. Too bad there isn't room.

What you describe is, in the US, a King size bed. We have had one more than

20 years, up graded to a better mattress about 10 years ago. DH went to work at 3:15 AM and myself at 6:30. We do not disturb each other with this big of a bed! However, when he is sick with breathing problems, I always know when he gets up to sleep in his recliner chair. But even with this King bed, I am sometimes tired after I wake up, and end up taking a nap sometime during the day. (We are both retired now.) We have a full size bed in another room and I sometimes end up sleeping in there by myself. HTH Barbara in FL

Same here ... I know this sounds strange (and probably dysfunctional) but I sleep best in my big, cozy, over-stuffed chair in the living room than in our bed. It drives hubby *crazy* - and he has a hard time sleeping without me. But for me, I sleep so much better alone!!

Hugs!! Connie :)

I love to sleep with my husband. He is warm and cuddly and I can put my hand out in the dark and feel his comforting form.

That said, I sleep so much better when I am alone in the bed. Sometimes I have to get up and go to the sofa, or just not sleep, because he is restless or wants to snuggle when I havea lot of pain.

I suspect we all sleep best and deepest when alone. Shared sleep is good, but with plenty of space between the sharers.

Sunny

Anne, I have a Tempurpedic mattress, actually two extra-long twins pushed together to form a king-size bed. We bought this bed when my husband was ill and required a hospital bed. I couldn't stand the thought of him being in such an uncomfortable hospital bed so we bought this. It is totally adjustable, the head and foot both adjust with the touch of a button and it even vibrates if you want. I've had total hip replacement surgery in December '06 and neck surgery to fuse some disks in Aug '07. This bed has been wonderful! The mattress is firm, yet molds to your body and produces NO pressure points. Also the mattress doesn't move when one person moves, so all the tossing and turning your husband could do, will not bother you. Mine is the top of the line, but you can get the mattress without the adjustable bed. I hope you feel better soon! Michelle

Anne, the last time I had surgery DH couldn't sleep with me either and I became accustomed to sleeping alone. When DH started sleeping with me again it was hard to get used to his presence and the first few nights I had very little sleep. You could be going through that, so don't jump to the conclusion that you need to change your bed right now. Give it a few more nights. Your tiredness before surgery could well have been because you needed the surgery, or just needed some time away from work (we ladies are often very overworked people and rarely give ourselves enough hours to simply rest or sleep and that leads to constant fatigue).

If after a few days you do decide you really need a change:

I know several couples who have elected to have separate beds because they can't agree on one perfect bed or they have vastly differing sleep schedules due to their work hours or one of them snores tremendously loudly. They are proof that marriages don't end if the couple doesn't sleep in the same bed. Only the people in the household would ever know you two sleep in separate beds, and frankly if it works for you no one else should care.

If you want to sleep together you can buy 2 complete twin beds with metal frames/feet and one king sized head board, or twin mattresses and one Scandinavian type platform for a king size bed. Either way, using a queen or king fitted sheet (I can't remember which works) over both mattresses should keep the two together so no one falls into any gap that might otherwise form between the two mattresses.

Debra in VA See my quilts at

Those mattresses are a love them or hate them kind of bed. I have lain on a Temperpedic bed and instantly hated it. I felt the mattress foam slowly and sneakily closing in around me, like it was gripping me so I couldn't escape. I will lay on cold wet dirty concrete floor before I ever lay on that brand of mattress again.

DH dearly loved it when he tried it out, but we will be sleeping in separate beds if he insists on buying one. Debra in VA See my quilts at

Personally, I'd give it more time! You need a week or so to get used to being back together, and there may be no physical reason for this: you may just be conscious that he is there and therefore not sleeping so deeply as usual. Give it a week and see how things settle before you decide to spend money you may not need to.

I'm sure one of the reasons my fibro has been so mad this year is disrupted sleep: DH spends half the week away, so I don't get used to him being gone before he's back, and I don't get used to him being back before he's gone again! BUT I do sleep better when he's there, so...

I dunno about that. On nights when Ash is full of pickles and DH is staying up to make sure the boy does not build the Taj Mahal out of peanut butter in the middle of the kitchen, I keep waking up because DH is not there. kiripet says she sleeps better in her own bed, so she almost always goes to it. So on 2/3s of pickley nights either DH or I are alone in bed, and comes down to it unless he is exhausted he doesn't sleep so well alone either.

NightMist

My mother and father used one of those beds that have two separate matteresses and a single headboard for many years. My father had a bad back and my mother could not sleep on the type of bed that he required. It solve their problem and still maintained the togetherness that they were used to. I don't know what the name of the mattress/bed was called but I am sure they would be available if you ask a dealer about it.

John

Anne Rogers wrote:

After 37 years, I'm here to say that what you describe as Austrian Twin is a good way to go. Ours is actually 2 twin beds attached to a single long headboard, and there's a metal thingy at the other end to clamp them together. I.e., you don't actually have to find a double bed frame!Doesn't help the snoring issue though. Roberta in D

"Anne Rogers" schrieb im Newsbeitrag news:dOqdnX5f5vg5ZNDanZ2dnUVZ snipped-for-privacy@comcast.com...

Gosh Anne, it sure doesn't seem like very long since you had your surgery. I would suggest giving a little more time alone and then give sharing a try again. A physical therapist might have some suggestions for your particular needs. I wouldn't just go out and spend a lot of money willy-nilly. My mom bought 2 beds before she found out she had a big cancer tumor in her hip. No bed made was going to make her comfortable. You might just need to heal a bit more. Whatever you end up doing I hope you are getting some good sleep soon. TAria

Gosh, Taria, that's how my dad discovered his bone cancer in his hip- except for his was an office chair problem. He swapped chairs all around the business office and couldn't find one that was comfy. Then he went to the doctor.....

Leslie, Missy & The Furbabies in MO.

Mom was seeing a dr. for her bad back. She was in water therapy and on meds. She was overweight too. She tended to be a bit of a hypochondriac so I think the dr. thought her pain was in her head and maybe exasperated by the weight. The tumor was secondary. They never did figure out if her cancer started in her ovaries or pancreas. Probably pancreatic but oncologist never would commit to either. She was gone pretty quick. Hope your dad did better. Cancer sucks. Taria

Leslie & The Furbabies > Gosh, Taria, that's how my dad discovered his bone cancer in his hip- except

I'm sure I've seen the two single beds zipped together.

Sally at the Seaside~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~uk

Debra wrote:

I was shocked by the strength of my own reaction, but it did make me spring up off the bed. Even if I could get past that feeling of entrapment I have one other thing that would keep me from buying a bed like that. Night sweats from menopause. I just can't imagine how much hotter I would be if I was recessed slightly into that warm feeling foam while my body thermostat was undergoing one of it's temporary short circuits. Debra in VA See my quilts at

Oh Kate, I so understand what you are going through. My DH works a swing type shift, each week is different and some weeks we sleep on the same schedule and others we don't. Debra in VA See my quilts at