OT update on this week's crisis

Small backyard picnic? Or small picnic somewhere that walking and a stroller can get you to? (local park, for example).

--pig

Great minds think alike Pig. I was going to suggest a picnic where everyone (skilled enough to do so) makes and takes their own favourite sandwich (i.e. Anne you don't have to do it all), a box of little sweet tomatoes, a couple of bottles of soda, some pastries from the bakery, some fruit & a couple of outdoor games. Take it near or far and enjoy.

If that type of thing doesn't suit I hope you do find something you can all do together that brings you all closer.

Lizzy

Loads of prayers and good thoughts coming your way. Postpartum depression is nothing to take lightly. And it affects so many of us.

Sunny

I know, so why is it that few people take the time to understand it? It has been heart breaking for me how a certain group of people at my church have handled thing, I've probably lost a very dear friend over this, but even worse I now fear talking to anyone at church about anything specific, because I feel like I'm being observed and monitored and that that friend might step in to prevent me from seeking help from others as she believes that she has previously enabled me in my negativity, which I don't feel she has, in fact I believe she's saved my life. This is so hard and I'm so confused over my faith, I admitted months back that I was struggling in my faith because I felt that my brain compartmentalised and shut down the non essential parts and I believed that faith was an essential part, but my mind didn't necessarily allow that, but the help I saught didn't turn out to be help at all. Because some of this has come from the leadership of the church, I'm challenged as to whether this church is the right place for me at all, but we have so many friends there and it's fantastic for our kids.

You can probably tell, I'm struggling today, I woke up physically not great, I'm emotionally drained, I feel I should be either doing things with the kids, or at least getting on with some household or admin tasks, yet I'm struggling even to sit here and type this.

Anne

Unfortunately, in America, we are under-educated about it. In Europe it is a more recognized and understood condition.

(((((((Hugs)))))))))

Michelle in Nevada

Well, I'm from the UK and I can't honestly say my experience there was much different, my parents are fairly clueless about depression. The friend I'm having particular trouble with right now, lived in England for a long time and a mutual friend there had very servere postpartum depression. Several mutual friends here have also had issues, so it's very confusing how harsh she is being right now.

Cheers Anne

I think it is still something most people have heard of but have no idea of how it manifests itself, so they do not know how to handle it when a friend or family member is suffering from it. I have a friend who was hospitalised with it after the birth of each of her two children. However even having been treated for depression myself in the past I find it hard to get my mind round it being that severe.

Try not to let her pressure into moving forward faster than you are ready to and if something seems like a big step for you don't let her belittle it. She obviously really doesn't understand what you are going through - I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced it really does, but I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

Hugs from over here in the UK - where the sun has finally come out for several days in a row!

Lizzy

Hi Anne,

I can certainly see why you are confused and perturbed by your old friend's behavior. I would be too.

I have two thoughts on the subject and neither may be correct, but here they are anyway.

1. Some people when they feel helpless to help (after all there isn't much your friend can actually "do" to "fix" your depression) get angry. Sometimes they blame the victim. It's kind of along the lines of those who get angry at someone they cared for who had the bad manners to die. We know that's ludicrous, and yet it still happens.

1. My second thought is that she's gotten some very bad advice from someone along the lines of "tough love" will force you to cope. That's ludicrous too, but desperate people often will believe and try anything.

I don't really know if either of these applies to your friend, but I think the bottom line right now, is that she isn't coping well with your illness. While it may hurt, you need to stay away from her and situations involving her. She's toxic to you at the moment.

Hugs, Michelle in Nevada

This would be close to impossible and by the same logic my husband is also toxic to me at the moment as he has been demonstrating similar behaviours and at time is seems that DH, the friend and the friend's husband are ganging up against me.

This couple are pretty much surrogate Aunt and Uncle to my kids, we live on the opposite side of the world to any of our biological family and I support the relationship they have with them.

It would also mean that I couldn't go to church, which would probably be a negative thing as that it where most of my other friends are. We've only lived here almost 3 years and I'm slow to make friends, so alot of them would fade if I didn't see them at church.

Church this morning was awful, I had asked my husband to always be with me, and that I wanted to leave straight afer service, but he dawdled and I ended up needing to feed the baby, meaning I was stuck sitting down until almost everyone had gone. It was really obvious that everyone at all in the know avoided talking to me, though I saw many of them go and offer words of support to my husband. I don't deny that he needs support, but I need it to. Many have claimed unconditional love for me, but it's not being demonstrated right now.

Cheers Anne

Thankfully in the UK there are several mother and baby units for women who need inpatient mental health care. They don't seem to exist in the US, I think if they did, I'd gladly go in right now, though they might not take me as I'm nowhere near as ill as when I was an inpatient after my first was born.

Cheers Anne

Anne, take heart you can get unconditional love here. One of the advantages of the internet. We don't have to know the whole situation, we just love you the way you are. Wish I was closer, but here's a cyber hugh. {{{{Anne}}}}

Take care and best wishes for all. Marilyn

Perhaps you should just come right out and ask your husband and friends if they are blaming you for your illness. It would open the lines of communication, and point out to them that their behavior is coming across to you in this way. While I know it's hard to believe, they may be clueless.

I'm a little bit baffled why this bout of post-partum depression is such a mystery to them when you suffered it with your first baby. Did anyone honestly believe that somehow the second baby would be different? I'll admit my knowledge on the subject is limited, but it has been my impression that if a woman suffers from post-partum depression once, it's highly likely it will occur with the next baby.

With your first baby how long did it take before the symptoms abated?

Hang in there!

((((((((Hugs)))))))))) Michelle in Nevada

I'm not ready to ask that, but in someways, from the friend, though not my husband, I think I know the answer, I think she does feel that I do in someway bring it on myself, one of her explainations for this is that I chose to use midwives not a doctor, even though I eventually needed a c-section.

Actually this is my 3rd baby and miraculously I didn't have PPD after my

2nd. This time the depression started in pregnancy, but I suppose it's possible that I'm getting another attack that is masked somewhat by the meds I'm already on.

It was after Christmas that things started to look up (this baby was born 4 days before my son's birthday, so time of year is the same), it was also worse in the fall. Seems silly, but both my son and this baby have had a really hard time gaining weight, when my middle child had no problems, I wonder how much that contributes to me feeling a lack of confidence as a mother.

Cheers Anne

It manifests in different ways with different people, and some families cope better than others. Usually the family that copes better is one where someone close has suffered from some form of depression.

Me neither.

And I missed it!

They haven't a clue how to behave towards you. It's like bereavement: no-one knows what to say.

You should move to East Anglia like we did - the sun has only gone in for a quick 5 minite rain shower in over a month! The grass is brown and the soil just like dust. Even the periwinkles are shrivelling, and they usually seem unaffected by anything.

Sally at the Seaside~~~~~~~~~~~~~uk

I can certainly understand that.

but in someways, from the friend, though not

There are plenty of cases of depression when the baby is delivered by a regular doctor. I'm not sure where you're located Anne, but I'd hazard a guess that 99% of babies are delivered by doctors in the US, and yet depression still occurs. So who delivers the baby has nothing to do with it. The little I've read indicates the depression is hormonal and neurochemical. No one can control that.

Ahh, I've learned something.

This time the depression started in pregnancy, but I suppose it's

Well of course you're concerned Anne. Any mother would be. However, I suspect that your mental state has as much to do with your feelings of under confidence as anything.

((((((((Hugs)))))))))) Michelle in Nevada