Love one! seems to apply to all my animals--3 dogs, 3 cats :)
-- Kathy in CA Quilting Stuff:
formatting link
Subject: Letter to dogs
>
> Dear Dogs:
>
> When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with
> each other so there are still two dogs in the way.
>
> The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
> middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
> your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the > slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
> to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall
> faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about
> this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your
> comfort. Look at videos of dogs sleeping, they can actually curl up in a
> ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
> to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
> and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is
> nothing but doggy sarcasm.
>
> My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.
>
> For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
> miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
> necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the
> edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
> entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years; canine
> attendance is not mandatory.
>
> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot
> stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.
> Love, Your Human
>
> And the following, which has been making the rounds of late:
> Rules for non-pet owners who visit and like to complain about our pets. >
> 1. The dog lives here. You don't.
> 2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
> 3. I like my dog a lot better than I like most people.
> 4. To you, she's a dog. To me, she's an adopted daughter who is short, hairy
> walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
> 5. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the
> time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car,
> don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry
> about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a
> gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the > pups.
>
> From Chris in Michigan
>
>