un-attaching a quilt

And there are still people who think that if you give them a gift that you made, you are being "cheap"

Julia > I'm sure your quilts are beautiful, Anne. Some people don't appreciate

I just KNEW you were going to say that! 8^D

You don't consider someone appreciating a gift in the manner, and to the extent, that you expect, to be a condition? Ok, I guess I'll chalk that one up to the inadequacies of internet communication.

Any time I contemplate a gift, I put a lot of time and effort into it, whether made or bought, with the *hope* that it will be appreciated. I've been disappointed... a LOT. For a while I considered hanging up the whole gift thing. Either that or give up putting any time or effort into it just to be unappreciated/disappointed again. I'd like to think I've evolved past that. I hope that I have, but I still feel disappointment, and I try to shake it off. Apathetic gifting just isn't in me; if I don't care enough to put myself into it, then maybe I don't - or shouldn't - care enough to give a gift anyway. It would be just another empty platitude. So instead I've lowered my expectations and accepted that a gift is given *without* expectation of appreciation, consideration, or gratitude, and that the receiver is free to do with that gift whatever they wish, be it placed under glass, used as a dog toy, given away, or thrown in the trash. If it's unappreciated, it's going to be on them - not on me. YMMV.

Doc

When I think of something having strings attached, it means that I expect something more than simply appreciation in return. I hope all of my gifts are appreciated, but if they're not, they're not -- I don't worry about it a lot. It sounds like our philosophy of gift giving is pretty much the same; we just don't understand "strings attached" in the same way. :)

Julia > >> I don't really consider that as attaching strings --

Not really, because the person to whom the quilt is given never knows that I have deliberated over whether they'll appreciate it or be likely to use it for a dog bed. I never say a word to the receiver about it. Once the quilt is given, then it's gone. However, I must be a pretty good judge because I've never been wrong. :-)

You conveniently clipped the parts of my post that made these two seemingly different ideas make sense, Doc.

This young girl loves her quilt. She uses it. What can be more adoring? It's not whether or not the quilt has a hard life and gets worn through much use; it's whether the quilt is appreciated. Big difference.

Best regards, Michelle in Nevada

Anne, I've seen your quilts--they are gorgeous--and I promise I would adore any quilt you sent me! :-)

I think some people are just not quilty people. They don't understand the work that goes into them, the art, and view them the same as any other blanket. I had a cousin who came and stayed over the 4th of July weekend. Great gal. She stayed in the guest room with a beautiful quilt on the bed and two appliqued wallhangings in the room. She never showed any interest about any of them. Could be your parents fall into this category--they just don't get it. Doesn't make your parents or my cousin bad people--they're just not quilty people. We're a special group. ;-)

That said, it could be your parents really are quite pleased with the quilt you made for them, but simply don't know how to express it.

Best regards, Michelle in Nevada

Exactly Julia!

Best regards, Michelle > I don't really consider that as attaching strings -- there are no real

I think you've probably hit the nail on the head there, I used to make cards (I say used to, but given I made some last Christmas, perhaps it's really still do!) and though no one said anything unkind, I never thought they were really appreciated, until I sent a commerically made card! Same with photo based gifts, not apparently appreciated, until the year I don't do it!

My husband's family, in particular his mother are the opposite, and gush overly much in my mind when being thankful and complementing my work. My husband's only remaining grandparent is having a hip replacement soon, it would be nice to send her a quilt and it seems wrong to send her one I've already completed, just didn't have a purpose for.

Cheers Anne

LOL! Guess you do know they ARE appreciated, even if they can't seem to be able to tell you properly. :-)

What wonderful inlaws!

I don't know. How do you know that one of your finished quilts wasn't really meant for her? Maybe you just didn't realize it when you made it. :-)

Best regards, Michelle in Nevada

Again, the inadequacies of the medium. My intent was to highlight/ focus on the parts that caused my confusion - not to twist your meaning. Apologies if you took it that way. IMO, when an unselfish act is one-way, it is a gift; when something - anything - is expected in return, there is a string attached. The expectation itself is the string. YMMV.

Doc

I can see your point, Doc. Except that I'm saying by the time I give the quilt, it's not an expectation because I already realize that the receiver feels the same way about quilts that I do. I'm just saying I won't give quilts to people who do not value them.

Actually, I don't think we're that different on this. The only thing is that I won't give a gift--of any sort (although the topic is quilts)--that I don't think will be appreciated. Instead I try to find one that I think the recipient will appreciate and accept the fact that we don't all have the same tastes. Why would I give a quilt to someone who'd be much happier with a couple of good bottles of wine? See what I'm saying? When something is given the giver does have some responsibility for giving something that the receiver would like; not just something the giver thinks the receiver "should" like.

Best regards, Michelle in Nevada

If you're saying something like the former is a gift; the latter is sending a message, then yes. ;-) If not, don't bother elucidating further. I'm losing focus (migraine

- not yourgraine)