I am definitely not feeling well today. Not sick, just in a LOT of pain (and I know that I brought a lot of it on myself, by moving that table yesterday)... plus the depression side of Fibromyalgia is setting in very badly right now.... where I don't want to talk to anyone, or be around anyone (although I *have* to go to the bank today and try to pay at least two bills... all I can afford). I just need to be left alone to watch mindless TV and not have to think about anything.
The other day I was at the grocery store and said goodbye to a young lady who Matthew went to school with (she is moving away) and she gave me two big hugs. As I turned away to walk down an empty (thank God) aisle, I found myself in tears. A day or so later I was putting groceries in my van from the cart at a grocery store in the nearby city, where they charge a quarter to use the cart but you get it back when you hook it up to the other carts... this lady walked up to me and offered to take my cart so I wouldn't have to walk to the holding area. She held out a quarter for the cart and I told her to keep it... in a very sweet and kind voice she said "No... you TAKE that quarter, and have a nice day!" Now I *know* that she was being nice and friendly, but at the same time something inside me made me feel like she was showing me pity... so as I got into the van I burst into tears.
This is NOT me... I am normally a very happy and pleasant person who smiles all the time and goofs around a lot... so I absolutely HATE being like this... and I don't want to talk to or be around other people like this. It really bothers me to cry in front of other people, even though I know that I can't help it.
I went through bad depression 3 1/2 years ago when my Mom passed away that lasted for over three months... but that was a legitimate reason for depression. Now it's just this friggin Fibromyalgia rearing its ugly head in yet another way. I just need to be left alone for a few days to be a couch potato watching mindless stuff on TV that I don't have to think about or worry about... and not talk to anyone for a while.
I *will* be fine, and I *will* be back when I'm more up to it... so don't worry.
Gemini