Ok, never really am one for "reality television" but was channel surfing and came upon Nanny 911. You know, one of those programs that sends a posh "British" nanny into homes to tell parents how to raise their children, and was gobsmacked at what a hell house it twas.
Three boys that smacked, hit, bit, kick, punched, their parents. A father who encouraged rough housing because he didn't want "wussy boys), and a mother that looked as if she'd bolt from that four male household if anyone made her a halfway decent offer.
What has gone on with parenting these days? Sure it never has been an easy job, but never in my day had one seen so many rude and thoroughly ungovernable children. Not just on television, but one sees them everywhere nowadays. Little monsters with absolutely no respect for authority and parents at their mercy. Was something slipped into the water? *LOL*
I have watched my children become parents and looked at the kind of skills they have acquired. Each of my 4 children have made it very clear to my 9 grandchildren that there is acceptable and not acceptable behavior. They have all set rules and expect them to be followed. The first being, we are your parents, not your buddy. That's the way it is. Don't like it, to bad. It works! Juno
Well, my children range in age from 14 to 23, and when I tried to teach even my oldest children manners, discipline, and obedience, people thought I was awful to do it.
Sometimes I wonder if it's because young men are no longer learning the discipline and structure that comes with military training and therefore not passing it on to their families that has somethign to do with this, although I would really hate to see a mandatory draft put back in place
"Melinda Meahan - take out TRASH to reply" wrote in message news:45148d7b$0$96159$ snipped-for-privacy@news.sonic.net...
Do you think that's a big part of the problem, no obligatory military service? Parents are waiting for somebody else to do their job; the schools, the shrink, social workers, the military. That stupid commercial about the father telling his son he was thrilled the kid looked him in the eye and shook hands at the same time, thank you Army. I call a big fat BULL-PUCKY on that business. What the hell was dad doing for 18 years? That young man should have been doing that long before he went in the Army. I raised 3 boys as an only parent. By the time they were old enough to learn right from left they learned to shake hands, they learned yes maam, no sir and the social graces and table manners. They didn't talk back, and showed respect for their mother and others. They had chores before they were even in kindergarten on through to high school and it was hell to pay if they didn't get done.......and they did them over till they were done properly. Mother was the law, we didn't have a democracy and I seldom negotiated. I took full responsibility in raising, training and educating my children. The biggest problem with kids is that we have too many parents standing around whining instead of being responsible parents.
OK, I'm not going on, this subject just jacks my jaw.......*deep breathes, deep breathes*
Well my take on things is a mixture of several factors:
Persons are marrying later and or having children well past their mid-thirties, which not to long ago was the time most wives were winding up their baby making and concentrating on raising the one's they had. Don't care what anyone says, one naturally has more strength and stamina (which one needs in heaps) for dealing with childrearing when you are younger. Also think as one gets older there is a tendency to, shall we say get "stuck" in one's own way of living life, and as anyone who has had children knows once they arrive on the scene your life moves around them.
Another factor is we are now entering the second or third generation of "easy" divorce, and one parent families in large numbers. It is very hard to create a stable home and meet a child's emotional needs if one has no experience with the former and not resolved the latter.
Next there is this entire nonsense of being a "friend" to one's child. Such a load of codswallop. Look up the words in any good dictionary and you will see the two are not synomous. Yes, one's parent can be one's best friend, but that usually happens over time as other things are worked out. My mother used to make it quite clear she was not our playmate, but parent and defector boss. Daddy made it plainer, it was his house, his rules. Any one who didn't like it was free to pack their bags and don't slam the door on your way out.
Finally there is the upsurge of the "nanny state" where one is not truly free to raise one's child as one sees fit. If a teacher or member of your community does not like the way you are bringing up your child, they are free to lodge a complaint and the child can possibly be taken into care. Am not speaking of serious verbal, physical and or mental child abuse, for which there is no excuse.
Lastly am not at all in favour of every childhood behaviour boiling down to a new "disease" for which there is a new medication. Am not criticising anyone or their child, but when one sees a list of traits that manifest ADD, one sees a list of behaviours that children have had for ages, but annoy parents/adults. Am deeply concerned that labelling a child with a disease presents an easy way to justify/blame poor behaviour, and allows them to believe pills cure everything.
Manny parents don't want to be parents but good friends with their children, after looking at tv, books and other fairytalestories about parenting, they believe that is the way.........and children are smart and evil.......:)
Well, my point was, they have no idea how to *be* responsible parents, because they have no role models, and it just has sort of infected the bulk of society. Or else they are too busy working and serving themself to sacrifice themselves some for the sake of having their children turn out well. But I think that the obligatory military service did a nice job of making sure that every young man understood what respect, duty, authority, etc. were even if the parents missed the boat, which we all know that some will.
True, but I was 35 when my youngest was born, and he has turned out as well as the older ones (except for the one who has been different from day 1)
I can understand that -- I have been a single parent for 11 years.
Unfortunately, if Child or Adolescent Protective Servcies pokes their nosy nose into those types of situations, the children will end up being removed from their home and put into foster care.
Well, ADD is just a set of symptoms, and if you have not had a child that truly had ADD, you cannot understand what it is like. To have my son diagnosed as having ADD at age 10 or so was a great relief (although I know that wasn't his total problem, and he could have been misdiagnosed even though Ritalin was a miracle drug for him and enabled him to keep moving through life without getting defeated and wanting to give up on life altogether), because it gave us a handle to know why he was the way he was. There are a number of neurologic diseases that are real but that can only be diagnosed by exclusion (i.e., by ruling out all other possibilities and then trying the accepted treatment for it and seeing if there is an improvement).
One of the problems I see is that every child has to fit the frame that community and politics find accepteble, if they don't fit there is something wrong, is there something wrong you put it through the system et voila there is a 'sticker' for every child and a pill to match.......
Ok, I was born in 1964 and during most of my formative years (till I was about 5 in other words) my mother and I spent a great deal of time visiting/living with my maternal grandparents. Yep, back in them thar olden days when we were still taught to say "please" and "thank you" etc. My grandmama was a master of manipulation and taught much of this indirectly, btw.
Anyway, my only female cousin was born in 1974 and she and my aunt lived with my grandparents while my cousin was pre-school age.(1) My aunt was more into the flower-power thing and god forbid one should set limits on the wee ones. My cousin *still* whines about how "mean" I was to her when I babysat her a few times in about 1980-81 because I made her clean-up her messes and put her toys away when she was done with them.
The straw that snapped poor Mr. Camel's back into tiny bits was when my cousin got mad at me and went into the bathroom and smeared toothpaste all over one wall. I told her to take a wash-cloth and wipe it all off. After that my aunt claimed that I was too mean be around her kids (she'd remarried and had a second one by then).
I'm not surprised that there are a bunch of young adults with poor parenting skills. Where the heck were they supposed to learn them?
(Mean ole) Erin
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Hey! My grandparents had all 3 kids out of the house for good bythe time the youngest turned 40!
Hmmm...don't forget the ones who didn't want to be as 'tough' as their parents and think of beiing a playpall to their kids it would be nicer for the kid to grow up....among friends......
They don't realize that rules and borders are there to protect the child and learn them that not all is permitted.
Most of these parent will have kids that are little demons and are the kids who will often are taken to the doctor because its could never be the fault of the parents.
Of course there are children who have a problem like adhd and other forms, but often is it the parenting that fails in other cases.
James and I watch Supernanny over here - same thing, really. Waggy-fingered Strict Nanny waves magic finger and does a Nanny McPhee on the house. It horrified James that the kids had ever been allowed to get into that state. I'm just waaaaay too idle to want to deal with stroppy teenagers, having had to many of them in my former life as a high school teacher, so I nip any potential for such in the bud at the first manifestation. Result: I get total strangers as well as friends telling me what a delight he is, and a sister (of no mean discipline herself - a two cop household!) telling me she'll have him as a house guest any time! :) Her two, (13 and 15 YO boys) are also a delight 90% of the time.
Parenting skills have differently slipped. *sigh* I was born in 1958, and brought up in a very strict home. Please and Thank you were not an option.
I was not allowed out after dusk; my parents know who was with, where they lived, their parents phone number and expected a full report from the other friend's parents as to my behavior when I was there. No stepping over the line!
My cousins on the other hand were allowed to run the streets at all hours. I was envious but I knew better than even look in their direction.
Later years, after graduating college, and working professionally, my mom and I were having lunch out one day (after one of her cancer treatments) we were discussing all my cousins, Only 2 of 13 graduated high schools. All but one has an arrest record. Laughing I told my mom how many times I had wished under my breath for their early demise and wished I could have the same freedoms that my cousins did.
Again with a laugh, I took her hand in mine and said "Thank you mom"
Absolutely! And one of my best: This is *our* house, earned with mine and you dad's hard work, and if you don't like our rules, you don't have to live here. You can do what you like when it's your house and you are working to pay the mortgage!
And my mum's: We'll always love you. We may not always LIKE you, and we may hate what you do, but the love is unconditional: get used to it!
I was astounded to find that in my 8 year old daughter's school that kids with boundaries set by parents are far and few between. That apparently went out with the ark. It would seem that those kids supposedly suffering from ADD, ADHD etc could easily be fixed with a good kick up the backside. I think I'll stop there as I'm starting to sound like my mother. Nothing wrong with that as she raised 3 girls who have boundaries and respect others.
well, Nanny 911 is "reality TV". in other words, it's not real. as far as modern children's behavior, well a few bad apples spoil the bunch. of *course* you notice the loud, rude, obnoxious kids. but you aren't going to notice the hundreds of calm, quiet, nice children because they *are* quiet & unobtrusive. one cannot extrapolate that all childern now are beasts from the annoying few. OTOH, there was a whole generation of kids raised in the 80s by the "me generation", the classic self-centered, excessively spoiled children of 60s parents. those kids were second fiddle to thier parents grand aspiritions & they knew it, so they tended to act out to get attention, any attention. what we have currently is those unparented 80s kids trying to learn how to parent themselves, sometimes with not so good results. i don't think shows like Nanny 911 are any help at all to parents, except to make them feel better about thier own kids behavior (whew, at least my kids aren't *that* bad!) as for the 3 boys & thier dad... kids learn what they see. wouldn't surprisee me at all if that dad smacked the mom around too.
Granny Waetherwax wrote in news:C13ABFD4.FC6E% snipped-for-privacy@danuta.nl:
well, you don't have to buy into that if you're wealthy enough... my 6 year old is on the autistic spectrum. he has apraxia of speech, so had to have OT & speech therapy at age 2. i was also informed he was "socially deprived" because there were no other children around to play with (apparently just being with one's parents/aunts, uncles, cousins is deprivation). the state wanted to put him in developmentally disabled preschool at age 3, 45-60 minutes/day on a school bus alone, etc. i said no. they threatened us with an investigation for abuse, so i enrolled him in a Montessori preschool. i had wanted to wait until he was 4, but hell, i didn't want the state to take my kid either (he's a pretty blue-eyed blonde. much in demand for adoption), so it seemed the lessor of 2 evils. while we do have to work with him a bit on pronunciation, he's doing very well with speech now, he skipped kindergarten & started first grade at the Montessori school this year. he can read, write & add, subtract, do fractions, etc. if i had not been able to afford the private school though, he'd have that 'label' & he would not be taught to his potential.
"Viviane" wrote in news:Ik9Rg.34696$ snipped-for-privacy@news-server.bigpond.net.au:
girls manifest ADD/ADHD in entirely different ways from boys, you know. ADD girls tend be shy & daydreamy, not loud & boisterous. even hyperactivity manifests as merely a very short attention span, not bouncing off the walls. that said, i do think some of the DXs for ADD/ADHD are because parents don't start setting limits on toddlers & it tends to go downhill from there. however, when a child is really ADD/ADHD there isn't a damn thing discipline can do to help the kid. seriously. you can beat the kid senseless, but it won't change the impulsiveness or uncontroled behaviors, because the kid just can't control his brain. as to why there are more kids with ADD/ADHD, look at the diet of kids today & contrast it to the diet of kids in the 40s &
50s (or earlier if you want). look at all that preprocessed, dye & fake flavor laden crap they eat (and thier moms ate while pregnant). do you suppose all those chemicals just might have something to do with the brain chemistry? lee
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