ad> night moves....tatercat

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@volcanomail.com (tatercat) :

]

even DH is oooohing and aaaaaaaahing over your work!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from snipped-for-privacy@volcanomail.com (tatercat) :

]Why does cat hair stick to everything but the cat?

it's part of their contract.

Dear Cats,

When I say to move, it means go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two cats in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by Nascar and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.

Look at videos of cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but catty sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to scratch, meow or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. In addition, I have been using bathrooms for years, feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is lick my face, then go lick your butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. The cats live here. You don't.

1. If you don't want cat hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture

2. I like my cats a lot better than I like most people

1. To you, they're cats. To me, they're an adopted son or daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly

2. Cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, sometimes come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the kittens.

1. They ignore you until you are asleep.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

Thanks for the laugh Vicki!

My MIL hates cats. She has just arrived from Darwin and greeted my Fur Face with her usual, "Oh. I see you're still alive then."

Last time she visited she stepped back and FF was, as usual, right behind her and got trodden on. MIL fell over herself apologising to FF. For the remainder of the visit I taunted MIL with, "You love that cat, you KNOW you love that cat".

Upon her return to Darwin, she sent me a little package containing a plaque that read:

'I love cats. They taste like chicken.'

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Marisa Cappetta :

]Upon her return to Darwin, she sent me a little package containing a plaque ]that read: ] ]'I love cats. They taste like chicken.'

ROTFLOL!

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis

Well, I *was* trying to make beads until I read that. Now I'm laughing too hard to see! Thanks for the laughs, Vicki.

Lois

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Lois Oster" :

]Well, I *was* trying to make beads until I read that. Now I'm laughing too ]hard to see! Thanks for the laughs, Vicki.

you're welcome. sometimes, those laughs are all that keep me going.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

's not what you take, when you leave this world behind you;it's what you leave behind you when you go. -- Randy Travis