Enjoy a smile, jennellh
A father was approached by his small son who told him
proudly, 'I know what the Bible means!'
> His father smiled and replied, 'What do you mean, you
> 'know' what the Bible means?
> The son replied, 'I do know!'
> 'Okay,' said his father. 'What does the
> Bible mean?'
> 'That's easy, Daddy...' the young boy replied
> excitedly,' It stands for 'Basic Information Before
> Leaving Earth.'
>
> =====
> There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old
> family Bible to her brother in another part of the country.
> 'Is there anything breakable in here?' asked the
> "postal clerk.
> 'Only the Ten Commandments.' answered the lady.
>
> ========
> 'Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people
> in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and
> say, 'Good morning, Lord,' and there are those who
> wake up in the morning and say, 'Good Lord, it's
> morning.'
>
> ========
> A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large
> city because he was short of time and couldn't find a
> space with a meter.
> Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read:
> 'I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't
> park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our
> trespasses.'
> When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer
> along with this note 'I've circled this block for
> 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my
> job. Lead us not into temptation.'
>
> ========
> There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and
> announced to his congregation: 'I have good news and
> bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for
> our new building program. The bad news is, it's still
> out there in your pockets.'
>
> ========
> While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an
> Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a
> sense of humor, because attached to the back of the
> carriage was a hand printed sign... 'Energy efficient
> vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in
> exhaust.'
>
> ========
> A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question,
> 'Boys and girls, what do we know about God?'
> A hand shot up in the air. 'He is an artist!'
> said the kindergarten boy.
> 'Really? How do you know?' the teacher asked.
> 'You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven...
> '
> ========
> A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas
> just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
> quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally,
> the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
> 'Reverend,' said the young man, 'I'm so
> sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until
> the last minute to get ready for a long trip.'
> The minister chuckled, 'I know what you mean. It's
> the same in my business.'
>
> ========
> People want the front of the bus, the back of the church,
> and the center of attention.
>
> ========
> Sunday after church, a Mom asked her very young daughter
> what the lesson was about.
> The daughter answered, 'Don't be scared,
> you'll get your quilt.'
> Needless to say, the Mom was perplexed. Later in the day,
> the pastor stopped by for tea and the Mom asked him what
> that morning's Sunday school lesson was about.
> He said 'Be not afraid, thy comforter is coming.'
>
> ========
> The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was
> going to ask the congregation to come up with more money
> than they were expecting for repairs to the church
> building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the
> regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought
> in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to
> play.
> 'Here's a copy of the service,' he said
> impatiently. 'But, you'll have to think of
> something to play after I make the announcement about the
> finances.'
> During the service, the minister paused and said,
> 'Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the
> roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need
> $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please
> stand up.'
> At that moment, the substitute organist played 'The
> Star Spangled Banner.'
> And that is how the substitute became the regular organist!
>
> =========
> Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
> Give me the grace to see a joke,
> To get some humor out of life,
> And pass it on to other folk!