This is totally off topic but it's about behavior of my x. He was so agressive and controlling that it didn't dawn on me until it was to late that he was going thru my purse and watching my mail ETC.
Just thinking of safety, you know?
Donna in WA
Mine is passive side that's why he choose me cuz I'm an independent women. I'm not controlling but because I'm independent I enable a lot of his behavior, up until now that is. He wouldn't go through my purse even when I tell him to. Mommy taught him that's a big no no. So he'll bring it to me to get what ever it is he needs. Mommy's fear is so instilled in him and he's 40 yrs old that it's scary.
I'm perplexed on this a little though. I had a not so good life as a child with my mother. But instead of becoming her I have chosen to do everything she never would or did. Like be a decent human being, listen to others, be a productive member of society and a good neighborly. I wonder what it is that people will choose to follow their abusers behavior or go the opposite. I wonder if it's a chemical thing, environmental or just a timing thing in a person's brain. It's one of those things I've always wondered but probably will never know the answer.
I've always wondered the same thing about life. I had it hard as a child and I ended up with someone just like mom/dad blah. But I've always know what was right and wrong. Things that happened to me as a child, I would never ever to do anyone else. I learned from all that @^#$.
But my kids? I was always there for them and they knew/know that...and I've always been open and honest with them and I taught them right from wrong, good vs bad. One of my biggest sayings to them whenever they went out as teenagers was "use your head!" because I had already taught them to use their brains and to think before they chose to do something when they were just youngsters.
So I don't know the reason why people choose the way they do. Something I thinks it's as simple as doing the right thing which takes work, strength, courage, conviction and faith. And that doing the wrong thing like lying, stealing, etc is just easier to do then face the truth. And truth can hurt! Both my children are adults and have been for years and years. Told me I was the best, perfect mom ever and even told me to my face that they knew I was always there for them to turn to.
Yet they didn't take after me.
I'm just glad that I went on that healing journey so that the hurt and pain are not the same as they were a few year back.
Donna in WA
p.s. If you want, you can email me off list. Just don't want you to think you're alone.
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