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OT: dying friend

About a year ago I suddenly became very good friends with the new long arm quilter at the LQS. She was new in town, had no family, nobody local at all. And she had stage four cancer. As this year has progressed so has her disease and she went off chemo a couple months ago.

Saturday she was hospitalized for pain and now is in and out of awareness. T hey aren't sure if it's the pain meds, which they have tapered back to what she was taking at home, or if the disease has progressed to her brain.

Either way, I made arrangements today for her to go from the hospital to a care home. She has no one. A couple of friends who are pretty far away and t wo estranged daughters. One she won'te even t ell me her name or where she is.

I am trying to rally the quilting community to visit her. It's been hard to get anyone to help me take food to her the past few weeks.So tonight I quicklycleaned stinky meat out of her fridge and threw away stuff that would soon be stinky, collected her bedding and clothes for the care home. I packed up her laptop, her bills and other paperwork. I will take her the clothes and bedding tomorrow. The laptop she told me how to access lists. What bills to pay, her will, medical directives. I am trying to call out of town friends and her church folks (small church called Eckankar) and enlist them to visit her and keep her spirits up.

I am afraid that I am the only one who will absolutely be here to the end.

I'm not complaining. I think this was intended. The day I met her I walked into the quilt shop and saw her and it was like somebody put a hand on my back and said in my ear "go be friends with that woman". It was instant on both our parts. And, my husband who met her that day said on the way home that she felt like "an old friend I've known forever." But I am hurting for her. And worried that with my health limitations I won't be able to do as much as I need to.

Our local YWCA does estate sales. They take care of the whole thing. When the time comes that's what I'll do. In the meantime, I have to go open her laptop and see what she wants done with her things. I think it's important.

I took her a satchel filled with comfy clothes and one of her soft, squishy pillows this evening. She almost cried when she saw the pillow. She's been so uncomfortable on the hospital pillows. Tomorrow I'll take all her bedding to the care home so she will feel at home.

I don't know why I'm posting this except that she is a quilter, one of us. The three quilts she quilted that were in our guild show this year all won 1st, 2nd and 3rd place ribbons for the quilting. And I can't stand the fact that she's alone and will die without notice being t aken of her passing.

Please pray for me to have strength to keep caring for her and my family and home as well. I know the prayer quotient of this group is mighty.

And thanks for listening.

Sunny

Reply to
Sunny
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That's so sad Sunny. You are a treasure and light in her life. Just out of interest, what age group is she in? I wish you every support in your endeavours for her, and peace for the lady. Hugs, Bronnie Aust.

Reply to
Bronnie

((((Sunny)))))

Reply to
Cindy Schmidt

My prayers are with you. Barbara in FL

Reply to
Bobbie Sews Moore

Bless you, Sunny. If I ever reach this situation, I would pray for a friend just like you. I will pray for her a gentle passing and for your health to allow you to continue to help ease her way. You are a gem and a true blessing to this poor, dear lady.

Leslie, Missy &The Furbabies in MO.

Reply to
Leslie & The Furbabies in MO.

Piggybacking here. Sunny, you are a treasure to be doing this for your friend. I hope her passing will be as easy as possible and that you can get through it all with grace -- the same grace you're showing in your treatment of your friend.

Reply to
Sandy

hugs Sunny, it's hard to be a primary carer and so wonderful to hear how you don't begrudge it one bit. Having moved to where we are now a year ago, I know how slow it can be to make friends, even when you have a church community, I really don't know how I'd manage if it wasn't for a American family who lived in the same city as us in the UK moving to the same area 2.5 years before us. I'm praying for reconciliation between her and her daughters, it might not matter to her, but it could be key to the salvation of her daughters.

Reply to
Anne Rogers

I agree, Anne, that her daughters may find themselves in hard straits in future years if they let their mother pass without reconciliation. But it's their choice.

She is 64. Young and vibrant and talented.

Reply to
Sunny

She isn't alone. And someone is taking notice of her passing.

You may need to get legal papers signed to be able to sign for things on her behalf and to be the executor of her will. Check into that asap. Debra in VA See my quilts at

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Reply to
Debra

That is such a sad story. Bless you for being such a kind friend. Hugs, Taria

Sunny wrote:

Reply to
Taria

This is such a sad story Sunny. I'm glad you could share it with all of us & know that we are all out here supporting you in any way that we can. The two of you must have been sent to each other for a reason. For the reason is obvious - for you - the reason may be apparent somewhere down the road. It seems so sad that she may die without her daughter's in her life, but I'm sure she feels loved having you caring about her & doing what you can for her. I hope she is comfortable & does not suffer. You are her sweet angel.

Reply to
Pauline

You are doing a wonderful thing, Sunny. But, do pace yourself. I hope you succeed in getting other folk to rally round. Then you can use your skill to organise and do less yourself. You are doing the important things - like sorting everything out for you friend. If you can get some to visit her that would be a great boon for both of you. Do take care, you are hardly over your recent problem, and not unaffected by health problems even on a good day. Family breaks are such a sad thing. .

In message , Sunny writes

Reply to
Patti

Sunny, prayers are on the way for your strength to hold, for her to pass peacefully and without pain, and for the grief to come.

Be at peace: friend ship is a mighty thing, and you are her true friend.

Reply to
Kate XXXXXX

Bless you for being there for this woman. You are doing a great thing. Prayers for a peaceful passing for your dear friend, and for strength for you. Hugs to you Sunny for being such a wonderful lady!!! Your friend is lucky to have you!!!!

Reply to
Charlotte

I am so glad that you are there for her and wise enough to buy up this opportunity to be kind. Thank you, Sunny.

Take care! chipper

Reply to
Chipper

Sunny, it's a wonderful thing you are doing for this friend. Not many people would give of themselves so much for someone who isn't family. You are a wonder and I pray for you and your friend to have the strength to deal with this transition. Hugs,

Reply to
Debi Matlack

(((((Sunny & Friend))))) Sending peaceful and positive thoughts and lots of prayers for you and your friend. You have given (and continue to give) her the truest meaning of Friendship.

Reply to
ME-Judy

Reply to
Pat in Virginia

I might suggest that you contact the local Hospice group if one is in your area. They are wonderful people who deal with the issues that you are facing on an daily basis and are caring and helpful. They can tell you what you need and what they will be willing to do to help. Just a thought from someone who had had to do what you are doing and found hospice very helpful. Good luck,

John

Reply to
John

Prayers and strength on the way, Sunny! I am so sorry for your friend, and so glad you can be there for her. It must be very hard to die, all alone and with no family to care. Bless you for being there!

Reply to
Carolyn McCarty

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