VERY OT about gift giving

Not that's it's really an issue, but I was thinking about 'fairness' in giving gifts to my granddarlings. (Both my sons have two children each- a daughter first and a son second) I make an effort to give each of them an equal (or close) number of gifts to open. I try to spend equal amounts on each child as well. My gifts to the granddarlings always includes clothing and a pair of pjs and some toys/games. Now, as the older child in each family goes into the next larger size range of clothing their clothes cost more than the younger sibling. Is it better to stick to equal items (example- 2 pairs of blue jeans each even tho the elder child's clothing is nearly double in cost per item) or to stick to my modest budget and the older child gets less due to the higher cost of the individual items?

Just curious what your thoughts may be on this.

Leslie & The Furbabies in cold, icy MO.

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Leslie & The Furbabies in MO.
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Savings Bonds come in one size fits all.....

amy in CNY

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amy in CNY

That's a toughie! I have had to do a similar thing for our nieces. What I did was decide on a budget for the pair of them, then bought similar or same items for each which *together* were within the budget. I don't think the children will have any idea of the costs; and to have the same thing or similar as you have a boy and a girl is, to me, far more important. The fact that you will be spending less on the younger is irrelevant - in my opinion. That's life! I believe it is the gift, not the cost, that is important. Equity is all that is noticeable to the children. . In message , Leslie & The Furbabies in MO. writes

Reply to
Patti

Equity in prezzies is a good thing when gifting the very small. What makes it easier is that they don't generally give two pins what stuff costs, just that their grammy gave them spiffy warm jammies.

The year they switch from "Mine are better 'cause they are red!", to "Mine are better because they are Armani!", is the year you start planning on hard candy, homemade mittens, and jacks for next year.

NightMist just be prepared to spend Christmas play>Not that's it's really an issue, but I was thinking about 'fairness' in

Reply to
NightMist

If you insist on having the same items for each granddarling (love that BTW), I would go with equal items for all of them. However, I like the idea of gift cards, savings bonds or good old fashioned cash. I gave a share of stock to each of my brother's kids one year. They put it in a frame in their bedroom. It cost a little more and the broker gave me a bit of a round-around but they really liked it.

Regards,

Rick Boesen Olivet, MI

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Rick

I haven't read the other responses. Even though times were lean I asked folks not to give clothes to my kids. Kids deserve to get pampered by grandparent's. When you give clothes it really is a gift to the parents so they save money spending on clothes it is a parents obligation to buy. I know this isn't what a lot of folks like or do. You will be appreciated for a well loved book a lot longer than clothes. Quiltmaker's Gift is a fine choice for little kids IMO. Neighbor kids here used to get money from their grandma every year and their mom made them buy shoes. They were not folks on the edge money wise. I always looked at it as a rip off. If you need to buy the clothes go for sameness in gifts not dollar amount. Kids as they get a little older will notice they are getting less. I admit I think different than most folks though. Taria

Leslie & The Furbabies > Not that's it's really an issue, but I was thinking about 'fairness' in

Reply to
Taria

I've solved the problem of unequal number of gifts by all of the items for each grandchild into one big gift bag, so each child only has one "package" to open. I started that after the second grandchild arrived and it started taking way too long to open gifts and the kids got bored and tired. I try to keep amount spent sort of close & that gets more important as kids get older. When my own kids were little and number of presents was important to them, I wrapped up underwear and toothbrushes and baseball cards -- lots of little stuff. My kids loved looking at the gifts under the tree and shaking them to guess what was in them. One year I put a jar of dried beans in a box with some football cards to keep them guessing.

Julia > Not that's it's really an issue, but I was thinking about 'fairness' in

Reply to
Julia in MN

Another thing we've done with the grandkids is to give them "Heifer Project" animals. After the oldest one was school age, we let them pick their own animals. I think that's been a learning experience for them.

Julia > Not that's it's really an issue, but I was thinking about 'fairness' in

Reply to
Julia in MN

Reply to
Joanna

Reply to
Joanna

First, you really should stay within your budget! As to what you do with that budget . . . I suggest you keep things on a fairly even keel, and as the kids get older stop giving clothing unless it's jammies or a robe, since kids are really picky about what they wear to school, etc. And here's a suggestion for next year -- make each child a pillow! Get pillow forms during the January sales in the size that pleases you. For each pillow, make two "quilts" that are different but coordinate a bit and go with the child's sex, age, and/or bedroom colors, and are the same size as the pillow forms, put bias binding around each, stitch them together on 3 sides, put in a zipper, and stuff the pillow form inside. And be sure to sign it! It's personal, made by Granny, washable, useful, and decorative with a choice of what side shows on what day or season or whatever.

My Grandma used to sew for us, and made wonderful nightgowns for all the granddaughters and jammies for the grandson. She would tuck a brand new $5 bill in the pocket, which always went into our savings accounts. Sometimes there was a pair of new slippers, too. When I was in third grade she made us all aprons, and they were wonderful! We girls got ruffled aprons for the kitchen, and Karl's was made of denim and had pockets for tools. Another year she gave us all sewing baskets with basic tools (I still have mine!), and Karl got a tool box with basic tools. It was all very sexist, of course, but we loved it.

Reply to
Mary

I so agree. My 2 DGS don't consider clothes a gift at all, and neither do I. I just can't see buying them as gifts. I used to spend equal amounts when they were smaller, but now that one is a teen, that doesn't always work, so now I go for equal amounts to open--which this year are less than usual. The boys love gift cards to book stores, Game stop, etc. And of course, no one returns money! Gen

Reply to
Gen

Heifer Project is a charity that donates animals to poor people, mostly in underdeveloped countries, to give them both food and a source of income. Each animal has a price, which is supposed to be the cost of supplying it. You can specify which animal you want to donate, everything ranging from honeybees to rabbits to goats to water buffalo, though there is no guarantee that's what your money will actually buy -- it goes where it is needed. Lots of info at It's an educational thing for the kids, as well as helping them learn to share. For what it's worth, it is rated quite high at .

Julia > Ok what are Heifer Project animals?

Reply to
Julia in MN

Ok, I don't have grandchildren but I am not that far from parenting my inlaw's grandchildren.

First, stay in your budget. Put up a sign that says "Christmas is not YOUR birthday".

Second, once they're past the truly little and cute stage, clothes bought by grandma just might not work. Under our tree right now are three packages, one for each of our sons and one for my husband. Each has a shirt lovingly picked by my dearest Mother in Law. All three will be dutifully photographed for historical purposes. Then, if it doesn't fit me (and usually they do because the darling lady has no idea what size any of them are) it goes to Goodwill. Every year is the same story. Now, it's the most precious part of our Christmas because it is the one tradition that has spanned our sons' lives.

I would suggest a book for each child. Something fun and age appropriate. One book. That way each child gets the same thing and your budget stays sane.

Finally, just know that there is big magic in Grandma. You could wrap rolls of TP and the kids would be happy just to get it and know you thought of them.

Most of all, don't agonize about gifts. Just give them love and that's really what the day is about.

Hugs, Sunny

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Sunny

Reply to
Taria

Well, as usual, marching along to my different drummer here. Jeans are not clothes. Jeans are very, very special. When it became impossible to get that gift for the grands just right, one year I cut pockets from old jeans and tucked in sufficient $s for them to choose their own. One year I hacked out jeans from old denim and tucked their jeans money in them. I never realized we were poor until I found out during political season that poor is less than $ 250,000 per year. I reckon we were because clothes were always very special Christmas gifts. And: ! equality is mandatory. The little guys notice and the mamas certainly will. I remember well how Grandmother Esther would lavish lovely gifts on her favorites and toss the others some junk from the Dollar Store. That is very hard for a mama to explain to a little fellow. This year we're getting rid of something we didn't want anyway. (A double plus.) I found a great buy on silver piggy banks. DH and I had amassed a bucketful of coins for years. He spent yesterday afternoon very carefully dividing it Equally between the pigs. It will take our grands a long while to count their loot to see who is loved the most. They arrive bragging that "I'm the Favorite". "Granddaddy loves me best cause . . ." They caught on to not being Grandmother Esther's favorite long ago and can laugh about it. She loved the one with the naturally curly hair. Miss Curly Top spends hours to straighten that mass. God bless Grandmothers. Polly

"Joanna" wrote in message news:eOa4l.229$z%.62@edtnps82...

Reply to
Polly Esther

When I read your line about being poor to dh he suggested I remind you that just cause you are now 'poor' doesn't mean you won't have to pay taxes like the rich. (not very lol)

Being fair is really important. My g'ma was pretty fair with actual holiday/birthday gifts. When she would visit though she would bring something for the oldest sis because, well, she was the oldest. Then there was something special for the youngest cause she was the baby. For years that left me with nothing, there were 3 sisters for a long time. If cousin was around she got something cause she was the oldest and youngest girl in her family being the only girl. She was 10 days older than me but I was nothing to g'ma. Not long ago I asked dad if she really didn't like me or I am warping memories (this was his mil) He told me she treated you awful bad so I would say she didn't like you. My biggest flaw was that I sewed from a young age and she was jealous. Instead of helping me she resented me. Her stitching was beautiful. What a shame she didn't pass that on. Kids know when they are being favored or left out. Kind of ironic that mom left me grandma's featherweight, one of the few things that really was special to her. I really make an effort to remember the good things about her. There really were some good things about her. I probably shouldn't look to dad to help me find them though. lol

Teenagers and fashion gifts are different than little kids and their clothes imo. The pocket idea is wonderful. Taria

Polly Esther wrote:

Reply to
Taria

My advice..

Stick to your budget. How you achieve that is your decision.

Clothing is a good gift and can be extra special if mum hasn't made it/purchased it. I got it my DD and DS still get it. They need it, they don't need/ want expensive electronics ( and we can't afford it).

DH has vivid memories of one cousin getting really nice gifts and his siblings getting 'cheap and nasty' crap.

Good luck with the decision you make.

Dee in Oz

"Leslie & The Furbabies in MO." < wrote

Reply to
Dee in Oz

There were 5 kids in out family. All grandparents passed before any of us were born.

One set of aunts [mother's sisters] would send a box from Philadelphia packed with salt water taffy, and jars of chow-chow [yecch!], and something for my mother. We looked forward to seeing the box because my mother wore a smile for a few days.

My father's sister would pick someone to send a gift to each year. I still remember the year I got the set of miniature china horses, and another year a cool book.

Each year one kid got a "big" gift from our folks. I recall getting a desk one time, and a bicycle. The other four would get underwear and socks. It rotated every year who was the chosen kid.

Bottom line, I remember the items, not the clothes. Stay within your budget, gift from the heart to the heart of the child, feed their passion in what way you can.

G> Ok, I don't have grandchildren but I am not that far from parenting my

Reply to
Ginger in CA

I wasn't going to weigh in here since I'm not (nor will I ever be a 'grand') but here's what we do. Aunt Kim makes each niece/nephew a needlepoint stocking for their first Christmas (with the hopes it will be kept always). Each child gets a bond until they hit the 12-14 YO range. Then they get gift cards for the same value that we paid cash for the bonds. All the ones on my side of the family are quite geographically distant from us. Hence, not having a clue what they have/want/need/like. For the 'locals' that we see over the holidays they also get a small token toy to unwrap and play with instantly. We started this plan as I knew that my first nephew was going to have waaaay more stuff on Xmas morning than was necessary and would not have a clue what, if anything, was from us. And since we have a couple of 'untrustworthy' parental types, we make the parent that either one of us is blood-related to the beneficiary (as opposed to co- owner) of the bond. We do the same thing for the godchildren. We don't go overboard on the bond either as there are just way too many to purchase. It would break the bank otherwise. It's not much but eventually it might buy them a few books in college or work towards a down payment for their first cars.

Don't you also have that yummy carmel recipe?? Maybe a few special 'grammy candies' that they can look forward to each year?

Reply to
AuntK

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