Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question.
A Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand, a grandmotherly elder woman. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy . . . and quite frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie. You cheat on your wife. You manipulate people. You talk about people behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you don't have the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you!"
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She responded, "Of course I do. I've also known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone because he doesn't keep his word and his law practice is one of the worst
in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your
wife. Yes indeed, I know him!!"
The defense attorney almost died. The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."