I saw this ad in the newspaper for the Four Seasons Singles Group. I've been thinking I need to get out more and I've been reading this ad for several months, so......
I got all my courage together last night and put on a nice skirt and blouse and hose (!!!!!), fixed my hair, spritzed on a little Chanel No.
5 and went. Oh my God, you should have been there!!!!!
I walk in the door and about 15 pairs of hostile eyes turn on me--- and one pair of lovestruck eyes latched on me! This old gal of about 80 (I'm
52) saunters over and says "you're new, aren't ya?" Then she proceeds to tell me about her boyfriend she's been seeing for two years, but he's not here tonight. The lovestruck guy, about 45, is whispering (loudly!) to everybody at his table "look at the pretty lady!!!" (Yeah, he's learning disabled or mildly retarded or something!)
The leader of the group comes over and grabs on to me and starts telling me about how they usually have a much larger group and the age range is from 45 to 85 (from what *I* see they are all 75 to 90!!!) She ASKS me if I'm looking for a husband!!! And tells me they had had 5 or 6 marriages and that's why they are so low on members- totally frightening!
When she finds out that I don't shoot pool or play cards she has me volunteered to teach quilting at the "game night" which is the fourth Tuesday of every month before I even know I volunteered! She starts telling me about the float trips they take on the river and they go to garage sales (she noticed I drive a pick-up truck and said that would be handy for garage-saling!) and they have potluck dinners (they had one that night: white bread, deli roastbeef slices, American cheese slices, homemade pickle slices, potato chips and store bought cream pie- ugh!!! They ate the sandwiches DRY- no dressings of any kind!) and there was the most awful hillbilly band playing and she bragged that they play for free- well, for the price of their meal. They were worth the price of
*that* meal, believe me. Some little fella of a mere 87 came over and sat by me and told me about outliving his two wives- the second one was a cute little Indian woman and she only lasted 7 years- the first one lasted 47- 1/2 years. (Lasted???) Clifford kept telling everyone about the "pretty lady" as he stared holes in me- I wanted to crawl under the table. Then a skinny guy named Don came in and sat down near Karen (the leader) and me. He was fairly nice and we three talked.
The old folks danced- hilarious (cute) to watch. The old ladies kept a sharp eye on me and the(their) "men". I pleaded my hip replacement and refused to dance- thank goodness for that "lame" excuse!!! LOL I jumped up to help Karen clean up after the "meal" so I could escape Clifford's staring- she said I didn't have to help, but I said "oh yes, I sure did!" and explained. She said he's trying to get the courage up to ask you to dance. I damn near died of fright right then and there!!! I couldn't see myself stumbling around the dance floor with a smitten retarded man (with a large gut and very oily hair) to a hillbilly rendition of The Old Rugged Cross (or their versions of other hymns) while mean little old ladies threw hateful looks at me!!! You would have died at what they did to "Achy-Breaky Heart"- I used to like that song! I could have tipped back my head and howled!!!!!
But, the really funny thing is, I had a good time in the end and I think I'm going to go back next Tuesday and teach quilting for game night!
What a life!!!
Leslie, The Official Volunteer Quilting Instructor for The Four Seasons Singles Group :-)
The HairyFacedOnes 'N Me
RCTQ- Houston 2004..... A good friend will come and bail you out of jail.... but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn... that was fun!"