Where's Dee Dee?

Dee is here! :-)

Hi Donna,

Thanks for noticing that I wasn't here. *smile*

I've just been concentrating on healing ... and taking the luxury of resting and pampering myself a bit ... since nobody else does it.

I have been extremely tired, this surgery can do that ... so I rest allot .. but I'm also walking outside now. Just around the building sometimes once, sometimes twice ... cause I'm having lots of pain in my upper middle back. Not sure what it is, GYN says muscular ... but it gets really bad after I stand or walk for any period of time.

I've been watching tv allot since I got digital cable and the recording service. It's great ... you can record 2 programs at once, or watch 1 and record the other. I can pause programs, rewind and fast forward. I LOVE the food channel and the decorating ones ... also love to watch arts and crafts. There's one for knitting but not crocheting. :-(

Anyway ... it's been up and down with Jim. I got really hurt and angry the other day ... it was my first time out to shop... groceries. I decided to walk instead of use the electric cart. I did get tired and sore ... but what really hurt was Jim staring at all the women and young girls. Geesh, that was really rude and hurtful! I told him so .. but of course, in usual Jim style ... he denied it and got angry. One time he DID say ... well, they're there in front of you .. how can you NOT notice?

I told him that I had just had my stomach cut open .. and feeling kinda down and needed reassurance and security that he was there for ME, not them. He just got mad ..

It really hurts to know that he didn't even seem to be happy that I WAS able to go out with him, and that I tried to look my nicest. Very very sad and hurtful.

I turned 54 on April Fool's Day ... and recieved several lovely cards from my neighbors. That was very nice. :-)

I guess all I can do is wait until we can go to counseling ... and hope that the counselor can get through to Jim about how hurtful he's being ... may not do any good ... but we can try.

As for crocheting: I've finished 2 small 'baskets' and now I need to get some fabric stiffner so they can become EASTER baskets. I was thinking of doing a bunny for each one and a few eggs... then put some real candy in them and give them to the neighbors that helped me the most.

I also want to start a 'bed afghan' for next winter .... and would love to do a rug for my living room, but not sure what I'd use so the cats wouldn't scratch it apart. Any suggestions?

OK ... gotta go eat breakfast ... thanks again for asking about me, talk soon.

Donna,

I wanted to add something: What's very strange is that for my birthday, Jim brought over a 'monopoly' type game that was about our city ... he also brought cake, ice cream, a balloon and some groceries. We played the game for 4 hours! We had lots of fun ... he was really nice and laughed with me ... never once got angry. As soon as game is over and put away, and I say anything at all in the wrong way .. he gets defensive and mad. Very strange!

When I tried to thank him before he left and take his hand ... he pulled it away and acted like he didn't want any thanks or affection. I asked him why and he said .. it's just not me. Well, in a way that's true ... never did like much, but allot more in the beginning of our relationship.

I feel so torn, because he's been the ONLY one here to help me with everything ... or at least the part he WILL do, but he's done laundry once, vaccumed, lots of shopping, taking me places ... but he's so very defensive and angry so easily. Just can't figure him out.

Dee

Thanks for letting us know, Dee. I'll keep praying.

HIgs, Katherine

I'm very glad to hear you two are going for counselling. It may get very hard.... so all I can say is try to stick with it. You both will hear things from the counsellor that you a) didn't realize, b) don't believe, c) don't like, etc etc.

Right now.... if I may suggest - try to take solace that he has come to help you and try not to dwell on how many times he has done something for you or not. Try to look after YOU, concentrate on yourself, on good thoughts. His defensiveness and anger are his problems and you should try not to make them yours.

Sending healing thoughts your way.... Shelagh

And, remember always that there are three sides to every story. Hers. His. and the Truth.... which hopefully the counselour will sort out! Hugs, Noreen

Hi Dee Dee! Happy Belated Birthday!! Hopefully, the time to heal from the surgery will pass quickly for you. Take it slow and be gentle with yourself...

Donna in Philly

Hi Shelagh,

I'm really trying to concentrate on the positive ... sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's easy.

I do tend to make his problems mine ... but then again, it's probably because so does he.

I think there's lots of anger inside me and a real sense of injustice from our relationship .... like for instance, he drove to PA. last Christmas to spend with son and son's girlfriend and his grandchildren. I couldn't go (was bleeding) and when he got back told me there was nobody there except for them ... then when looking at photos, saw another girl there, friend of sons ... and THEN he remembered. She had stayed most of the day into the night visiting. I just didn't like that ... now he wants to go again for granddaughter's birthday .. and not sure I can drive that far yet after surgery .. he knows I'd rather he didn't go without me, but he says just because I can't go, why shouldn't he be able to? I just would rather not have him around all the young girls that visit his son and girlfriend .. cause I know how he loves to have attention and to flirt.

I'm confused as to if I'm right or wrong ... I guess I feel that if he cared about how I felt about this, he wouldn't go .. or am I wrong in not wanting him to go? UGH!

And then he's going this week-end to a Snowmobile Convention... and they always end up at the bar at night .. where there are girls hanging out all over. I'm very uncomfortable about that, yet again ... he says that I should trust him, that nothing is going to happen, he just mingles.

Sooo confused on issues like these.

Hi Noreen,

Yes, you're right ... and I'm not perfect, I know I get jealous very easily ... and have troubles with trust .. BUT, if Jim made me feel more secure in our marriage and could be serious and show intimacy, I do believe that many of our troubles would cease.

Huggles, Dee

Thanks Katherine! :-)

Hugs, Dee

Awwww thanks for that Donna. :-)

Yes, I'm able to do more every day ... and sit and stand now much more easily. The incision isn't hurting as much .. but now I have pulling discomfort inside ... guess things are healing there too.

I'll try to take it slow hon ... thanks.

Hugs, Dee

"Dee Dee" wrote in news:4OxYf.39851$ snipped-for-privacy@twister.nyroc.rr.com:

DeeDee, do you *seriously* think any young woman is at *all* interested in some guy that's probably as old as her father? so he flirts. some guys do that. it doesn't mean he expects a response, it's just fun. your hubby is visiting his son & grandkids. even if he's not that old, it makes him "old" to the women in his son's age group. they most likely think he's a pathetic old coot. jealousy is a big bugbear though. it's hard to work through it, but if you can, it's very liberating.

you may be partly right, but thinking he shouldn't go see his kids or grandkids just because you don't feel well & aren't up to it is a bit controlling. they're his family too.

you need to confront that Green-Eyed Monster. if he has never given you real cause to believe he's doing anything more than fun flirting, then you need to back off. OTOH, if you have caught him cheating (and i mean cheating, not a quick snog), then your feelings are understandable & he needs to cut back the socializing. lee