OT: should I say something?

Have a question or want to show off your project? Post it! No Registration Necessary.  Now with pictures!

Threaded View


I'm finished with the bag, and will post photos tomorrow. But I'm in
need of sage advice and wisdom. The class was really just a gathering
of people who wanted to work on the bag. One nice soul who had
finished the bag just earlier helped us all through the process. I
arrived for the first day already exhausted and hurting and when I
turned on my SM saw that the light on the display was off. I swear, I
couldn't remember how to turn it on. I had to get out my manual, it
took a few minutes, but only of my time. I had never put in a zipper
before and the "teacher" talked me through the first one. I also had
never made a button hole on that particular SM and had to look it up.
But mostly I kept up with the rest of the class that first day (5
hours!). On the second day one of the women in the class (she works
for the LQS where we were and often teaches classes) started to talk
loudly about maybe she would teach a class in making the bag. But not
for free.  Then she started in on me (!!?) saying she would make sure
that anyone taking her class would know how to use their sewing
machines and already knew how to put in zippers. Now, this "kind soul"
had required just as much help from the teacher as I had. She's a bit
of a talker, really loud. I've been with her in other classes and
typically she never finishes her projects unless she's teaching the
class. Then she went on and on about how awful it was for someone to
come to a class and not know how to use their own sewing machine.

So (that was a long story, sorry), should I say something to her
privately about how unbearably rude that was, or should I just skip
it. I will never, ever in my life pay for a class that she teaches.
And I'm really not too happy about shopping there on days when she's
behind the counter.

By that second day (6 hours) I was really tired, hurting way bad and
getting confused. I went home and went straight to bed. I do have
short term memory problems. And when I'm stressed I get confused. My
fingers just stopped responding at one point and I dropped what I was
holding. I know it was pretty obvious to anyone looking on that I was
having a hard time making my fingers work.

Ok, enough whine. I like my bag a lot. It's gorgeous. I may make more
of them and offer them for sale in a shop here. But it's a lotttttttt
of work. Now that I know how to make it, I think the second one would
be quicker. But it's a complex pattern with lots and lots of steps,
including some that are just totally counter intuitive.

I'll put up pics tomorrow of the bag.

Sunny

Re: should I say something?


I am sorry you weren't feeling well the 2 days in class and I'm glad you
were able to finish the bag.
Barbara in SC



Re: should I say something?


Sunny, people like "the mouth" are always going to make it hard for some of
us.
I too get confused and have short term memory loss and it is the hardest
thing to try and remember what you have to do.  I am a firm believer in what
goes around, comes around and she will soon find that her mouth is too big
for her face and she will soon put both her feet into it.

--
Di
I'm creative!  You can't expect me to be neat too.
Vic Australia
We've slightly trimmed the long signature. Click to see the full one.
Re: OT: should I say something?


Personally, I think that there might be reasons to speak up and also
not to.  If you care about the success of that LQS, at least the
manager ought to be made aware of your feelings, not just about the
class, but in general when shopping there.  If you care about that
woman, and think that an objective, kind conversation is even
possible, you MIGHT try.  On the other hand, if she's likely to take
anything you say the wrong way, or if you think you're the ONLY
CUSTOMER with complaints about the woman, well, sigh.  There's
probably not any point.

Musicmaker, who wonders why anyone can still hold onto the idea of
world peace when people like THAT continue to exist?

Re: OT: should I say something?
xU0 *+:'Q y{>aOqF>(4iL:{" ʲF&9=(u.Nl4#I C&lz
N/a:&Ia}.Gee.!̙x\bl2ehqV4$ɄXgVYHe5ɔD]ǖU4'٦oi@,EVPh.T²'    kRߊ3)QR;#hԹ& ja_]BϞ+B1GAw׹Ano-A# VlhLkf`Pj?V+AAxi% F˕9Ƌ+!
Re: OT: should I say something?


Try this silly little mind game.  Picture yourself with a few water
balloons - loaded with slicky, slimy green pea soup.  Every time one of
those hurtful remarks pops up in your mind, imagine yourself hurling a load
of green pea soup on top of her head.
    After a while, maybe even the first time, when you think of her, you'll
be able to grin.  Just imagine that goo sliding down her hair and dripping
off her nose.
    It won't change her.  Probably nothing will.  You can only change how
she makes you feel.
    Really.
    Try it.
    Polly


Re: OT: should I say something?


Polly, I love this. I've forwarded to my daughter who is having trouble
dealing with rude, unfeeling remarks from someone.

Julia in Mn

Polly Esther wrote:
Quoted text here. Click to load it


--
-----------
This message has been scanned for viruses by Norton Anti-Virus
We've slightly trimmed the long signature. Click to see the full one.
Re: OT: should I say something?


That was a response I learned from my little Mama who had to deal with lots
of snarly people at work.  They said she had the sweetest smile.  She did
indeed.  Polly

"Julia in MN" <wrote> Polly, I love this. I've forwarded to my daughter who
is having trouble dealing with rude, unfeeling remarks from someone.
Quoted text here. Click to load it


Re: OT: should I say something?


Green? pea soup.
surely there is some other colour that really is icky.
Green is not icky at all.
i have the best proof of that on my bed now.
mumble, mumble, mumble,
j.

"Polly Esther"   wrote ...
That was a response I learned from my little Mama who had to deal with lots
of snarly people at work.  They said she had the sweetest smile.  She did
indeed.  Polly

"Julia in MN" <wrote> Polly, I love this. I've forwarded to my daughter who
is having trouble dealing with rude, unfeeling remarks from someone.
 > Julia in Mn


Quoted text here. Click to load it



Re: OT: should I say something?



I really like split pea soup and wouldn't put it on anybody. But I
really like Polly's idea (as usual). I'm gonna use a variation on the
theme where instead of green goo, I'm gonna envision her with a little
smear of doggy poo right on the side of her face where she wouldn't
see it until she looked in the mirror. Maybe up in her hair line. Oh,
that's so mean.........doesn't really feel right. But I think there's
more of this possibility to be discovered.

Sunny

Re: OT: should I say something?


I like the thought of an imaginary Laurel and Hardy, at my side to do
my imaginary bidding. Remember how dignified they looked, always
properly dressed in a hat and tie? While doing the silliest things?
You could ask them to pour the sour dough sponge or the bucket of
water over anybody you want!
Roberta in D

On Sun, 13 Sep 2009 16:07:55 -0700 (PDT), onetexsun

Quoted text here. Click to load it

Re: OT: should I say something?


In article

Quoted text here. Click to load it


Sunny, I'm so sorry that your two days of what should have been fun were
spoiled. As for the woman, I doubt that saying anything to her directly
will accomplish anything, unfortunately. People like her tend to think
they know everything and that their opinion is the only one that counts.

However, if she's an employee of that store, the owner does need to know
that this woman is creating ill will and distress among the customers.
Since it's too late to do as Nel so cleverly suggested (great idea!),
I'd go with what Mary says: talk to the manager in a non-confrontational
manner, all concern about this jerk's health, and managing to insert how
hurt this sort of thing can make others feel.

BTW, I'm really glad you posted about this right now. I'm scheduled to
teach a machine quilting class at my guild next Friday, and it's good to
have that reminder that not everyone is as healthy as some and that
there may be people who need a bit more TLC.

Enjoy your bag -- I'll be anxious to see the photos. :)

--
Sandy in Henderson, near Las Vegas
sw.foster1 (at) gmail (dot) com (remove/change the obvious)
We've slightly trimmed the long signature. Click to see the full one.
Re: OT: should I say something?


On 9/12/09 09:00, in article
snipped-for-privacy@news.supernews.com, "Sandy"

Quoted text here. Click to load it

That, and make sure that you do make clear to her (manager) that this
impacts her bottom line----that you *will not* shop at any time when this
person is apt to wait on you.  You might want to make sure you mention the
business axiom (in case she doesn't know it) that for everyone who actually
complains, you can assume there are ten people out there who feel the same
way but don't say anything---in this case, who may simply quietly take their
business elsewhere.  And that you're telling her not to be nasty, or because
you want to "get back at" Ms. NastyMouth, but because you like her shop,
care about her business, and want to be sure she's aware she's got a
problem.

(I don't think I'd bring up health issues; the bottom line is that she's
being an obnoxious bitch to customers in a context where she represents the
store.  Why they do whatever they've done that triggered her mouth is
irrelevant; the issue is that that mouth shouldn't be being triggered, at
least as a rep of the store.)

Could be she's oblivious (Ms. NM may be careful to watch her mouth around
the boss); could be that she's aware but not sure if it's bad enough to be a
problem and/or doesn't know how to handle it, and an Actual Complaint gives
her something to use to address the situation.


Re: OT: should I say something?


Quoted text here. Click to load it

The reason I put that sort of issue on a "health basis" is two-fold,
actually.  First, there really could be a health issue or something
else horrible going on!  Second, I have always found that the boss
gets the message loud and clear, and is most likely to confront the
employee with "Mrs. ABC said . . . ", and if it is put into an "I'm
concerned" context rather than a "she is horrible" context, my own
life is much more pleasant when I run into the person again -- which
always happens!

Re: OT: should I say something?


Quoted text here. Click to load it

Hi Sunny, (Yeah, Sunny - not Sandy - but I'll get to that...)

Don'tcha just wanna b****slap the face off that _____?

Quoted text here. Click to load it

I think it goes much further than that.  This harridan (to be polite,
and it's always been one of my favorite words; thanks for reminding me
Nel {because I can't spell "Sartorresartus" - what does that MEAN,
anyway?}) wasn't just creating ill will and distress; she was bullying
and discriminating against a person with a disability.  How would her
employer respond had she made such comments about a person with a
visible disability?  In many companies, it's grounds for dismissal and
in some cases, it's actionable.

Quoted text here. Click to load it

I respectfully disagree with this.  Whether it's effective or not
isn't the issue - it's... the 21st century and beneath any woman to
resort to that anymore.  (DW helped me with that one.)

Quoted text here. Click to load it

Yes...  In the first place, I wouldn't let this person intimidate you
from going into that store if/when you want to.  Actually, you have
the upper hand here.  If she's there, then I would ask her to call the
owner over, then tell the owner you'd like to speak to her (the owner)
privately.  This may make the offender sweat a little.  Explain the
situation to the owner calmly, and in terms of discriminating against
persons with disabilities.  If you need some fact-finding/coaching
there is likely a local agency that can help you out or give you some
ideas/talking points.  I went to Wiki for a quick synopsis
(www.ada.gov) is the official site, but may take a bit more wading.
Anyhoo, with regard to the ADA:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Americans_with_Disabilities_Act_of_1990
Under Title III, no individual may be discriminated against on the
basis of disability with regards to the full and equal enjoyment of
the goods, services, facilities, or accommodations of any place of
public accommodation by any person who owns, leases (or leases to), or
operates a place of public accommodation. "Public accommodations"
include most places of lodging (such as inns and hotels), recreation,
transportation, education, and dining, along with [STORES], care
providers, and places of public displays, among other things.

OTOH, if this bully gives you a hard time again, be prepared and give
her both barrels loud enough for the whole store to hear.

Unfortunately, you may have another decision to make, and that is what
you are willing to do if the store owner is indifferent or sides with
the bully.  Stop patronizing them?  More?

This is one of those times when deciding what to do may be tougher
than dealing with the situation in the first place.  Re-read all the
suggestions given, think about it, and if you want, make a decision/
plan of action.  "Not to decide is to decide" - Harvey Cox

Good Luck - Best Wishes,

Doc

Re: OT: should I say something?


wrote:



Quoted text here. Click to load it

Thank you.  FYI Sartor Resartus means 'the tailor re-patched'.  I used
to do a lot of dressmaking, now I quilt.  It seemed appropriate at the
time, and it has kinda stuck.  It seems it is also a remarkably
tedious book by Thomas Carlysle, but I didn't know that till
afterwards.  I got to it whilst listening to a radio programme about
Coco Chanel, who's nickname it apparently was, how preposterously
pseud is that?!

Quoted text here. Click to load it

Absolutely.  The shock factor is what makes it work.  Most of us, most
of the time, are very strong-willed, strong-minded people.  We
wouldn't cry if it were the last thing on God's earth.  But sometimes,
in some situations, weakness is strength.  I didn't say bawl, or wail,
or sniff.  Winning an Oscar on these occasions is as much a matter of
timing as intensity.  A bowed head and hunched shoulders might be all
that is necessary.  The wet-stuff is optional.  I am talking body
language as much as anything.  Yes, it is manipulation, of course it
is.  It is escalating a remark into a confrontation.  However, it is
doing it by turning the tables on the bully, so that they are now
'shown up' rather than the victim.

None of us are a victim without our complicity.  (Does anyone know the
origin of that aphorism, please?)  But wriggling out of that,
especially with problems with Anxiety, can be very difficult.  As
others have said, it is probable that nothing can be done in fact, but
we can change our POV.  Tears are always the last resort, because once
used they become ineffective, ever again.  There is no going back.
But once in a while, they are the silver bullet in a situation.

If I have learned anything over the last three years it is that there
is no kudos in always being the strong, unbowed one.  There is also
strength in saying, 'No, that makes me feel bad.  I don't like it when
people are mean to me.  I don't deserve it.'  What you do then is your
own choice.  The important thing is to make the choice, and move on.
If that is do, then do, if not-do then that is OK, too.  How much
nicer it would have been if a-n-other had piped up and said, 'You
know, if that had been on the class directions, I wouldn't have signed
up!  This is a class for all skill-levels.  Remind me to check out the
small print next time.'

But nobody can pull back time for another crack at a situation.  What
damage is done.  If I felt strongly enough about it, I would certainly
tackle the LQS, but, as sure as eggs is eggs, without witnesses, the
Manager would probably say something like, "I'm sure you misheard.
Mrs Sockinmouth would never have said that.  She is one of my best
teachers.  Perhaps if I call her across you can put it to her
yourself?"  >>Shudder<<

I think the best thing now is to move on.  However, the next time I
met Mrs Sockinmouth, however, I might say something along the lines
of, "I wish I had your leisure to practice for hours on a new sewing
machine.  I am so busy with my quilts I rarely do button-holes by
machine.  I prefer the finish of hand-stitched ones, anyway.  How many
ways do you think there are to put in a zip?  Should we have a
competition, perhaps, to find out?  The best explanations could win a
few FQs?"  You are referring to the situation, which could (don't bet
on it) lead to an apology (I wonder if she could have cut her tongue
out at the time, when she heard what she said?) but without
accusation.  It's a shot across her bows against a future occasion.
"I'm, ready for you next time, lassy..."

And then carry on as normal.

I hate stuff like this.  I really do.
Nel
(Gadget Queen)

Re: OT: should I say something?


Quoted text here. Click to load it

As a teacher, I'd like to know if I've done something stupid, even if
it hurts to know the truth.  I do think that people can change.

joan

Re: OT: should I say something?


I suspect you are a good teacher though, Joan.  A pretty decent human
being too.  That makes a big difference.    Someone suggested tears.
Ever since I realized one of my sisters can turn the tears off and on
like a faucet tears don't work anymore.  (I was the last one to realize
it apparently.  I thought everyone else was insensitive to her)
I did sit through a class with a gal that had a new machine and no
clue how to even do a zigzag.  It was pretty frustrating to watch her
but it didn't effect my learning.
I am glad you got the bag done Sunny.  I hope you are feeling better
today.
Hugs, TAria


As a teacher, I'd like to know if I've done something stupid, even if
it hurts to know the truth.  I do think that people can change.

joan



Re: should I say something?


Well, I'd just ignore her or even better, laugh at her. She's an idiot.

I can't think of anything you can say that will make her any less of an
idiot in future, either.

Cindy



Quoted text here. Click to load it



Re: should I say something?


I'm from the camp that you should say something to the owner or manager of
the store.  If you don't want to do it face to face, you could type up a
letter or make a phone call.  If she was this rude & insensitive to you, you
can bet you're not the only one she treats that way.  The manager may
already know she has a problem with this employee & your calling it to her
attention may be what she needs to talk to this woman.  I'm sorry she made
the class an unpleasant experience for you, but try to keep in mind that she
is the jerk & not you.

Pauline
Northern California

Quoted text here. Click to load it


Site Timeline