As you guys know, I'm in the midst of a breathing episode, and am not feeling well in the least. Bob and DD have been taking very good care of me, and I think I'm getting better, albeit very slowly. I haven't left the house except for doctor's appointments for a couple of weeks now, and I'm not even stir-crazy (which means I must be sick).
Tonight the phone rang and my usually unemotional, stoic mother was hysterically crying. My grandmother (her mother) has had a heart attack, lung and kidney failure and is in an artificial coma while the heart lung machine does whatever it's supposed to do. Oma is 84, has had countless heart attacks before, and things do not look good. Even worse, my grandfather, who is 90, is being kept from Oma because they're afraid he'll die if he sees her in her current state. (I don't agree with this decision, but I'm not there)
Once we know which way things are going to go, we'll be headed to Germany. Bob is going with me, because I cannot even comprehend caring for myself; and of course, there's my mother to worry about. If Oma is going to recover, we need to be there, because she was asking for us. If not, we have to be there too. My aunts and uncles are scattered all over Germany and the world, and the docs have told my Uncle Max to "get the family over here."
Tomorrow is going to be a busy day. I'll be calling the doctor to find out exactly what I need to boost me up for this exhausting trip. Our passports expired two months ago, so once our plane tickets arrive, we'll be at the federal government office, getting new ones expedited. Mom wants to fly the cheapest way possible, so we have to coordinate her flight and ours. I'm not well enough for all those damn connections and plane changes, so Bob and I will be flying our normal BOS to FRA flight and renting a car once we get there. (nine hour flight, with a five hour drive at the tail end of it. In winter, and it's been snowing there already)
DD is a wreck. She wants to go, too; although I think it's the wrong thing for her. I'm trying to comfort her, assist my mother, and deal with my own feelings. Most kids aren't lucky enough to know their great-grandparents, but she has a real, close relationship with hers. Now of course, she's getting to have to deal with the hard part.
I want Oma to survive this, as long as she isn't suffering. If things are as bad as they seem on the surface, I hope she goes peacefully and soon. I'm owrried about Opa, too -- they've been married nearly 70 years, and I don't think that he'll last long without Oma.
The toughest part is the not knowing. The time change is such that I can't exactly call my cousin in the middle of the night to answer all my questions. I have the alarm set for 4 am, so I can call there in the morning, and then we can set some kind of schedule from there. Physically, there's no way I can go twice, so I am going to have to plan this trip's timing pretty carefully.
I'd appreciate any strengthening vibes you could send. I'm pretty resigned to the fact that whatever is going to happen with Oma is already in place; if it's her time, there's nothing we can do. I'll just need to tap all my resources to be strong enough to do what I need to do in the weeks to come.
Thanks for reading this far,
Kathy N-V