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OT - just a little addition (and giggle) about the fun kids add to life

Subject: KIDS....

For those with No children - this is totally hysterical! For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin.

Things I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding:)

  1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.

  1. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

  2. A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

  1. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

  2. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

  1. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

  2. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.

  1. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

  2. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

  1. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

  2. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

  1. Super glue is forever.

  2. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

  1. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

  2. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

  1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

  2. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

  1. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

  2. Always look in the oven before you turn it on... plastic toys do not like ovens.

  1. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

  2. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

  1. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

  2. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

  1. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade, (true story): One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read; "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' The teacher paused, and then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

  2. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid.

Anon. Barbara Dream Master

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If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans. Woody Allen

Reply to
Barbara Otterson
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vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Barbara Otterson :

]For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

i've loved that piece from the first time i read it. back then, it said it was from a mother in San Diego. i think the jello in the swimming pool is probably my favorite.

  1. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late and
  2. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time. 'Holy crap! A talking pig!'

ring several bells with attached memories, too.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

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----------- I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America, and to the republic which it established, one nation from many peoples, promising liberty and justice for all.

Reply to
vj

Boy did I need that. I love it!

Reply to
Debbie B

I have one question, do you think she had boys? My girls were never doing things like this. They did tons of other stuff, just nothing too destructive. It was always more annoying at that age.

Reply to
starlia

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "starlia" :

]I have one question, do you think she had boys? My girls were never doing ]things like this. They did tons of other stuff, just nothing too ]destructive. It was always more annoying at that age.

the original one, i think was a little boy - or at least things like the Superman cape implied "little boy".

however . . . BOTH of mine did things like that. Johnny was just the only one that got caught. I didn't find out for years some of the things Jamie had done.

[shaking head . . . some days, i really DON'T know how they survived! to give them credit, they didn't INTEND to be destructive - - it just seemed to come out that way.]

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

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newest creations:
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----------- I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America, and to the republic which it established, one nation from many peoples, promising liberty and justice for all.

Reply to
vj

This floored me. LOL

Becki "In between the moon and you, the angels have a better view of the crumbling difference between wrong and right." -- Counting Crows

Reply to
BeckiBead

My experience so far has been that the boy is the one to keep an eye on. The oldest girl, so far, does not tend to destroy things, but the boy... Yeah. Almost without effort, like breathing. The littlest girl, though, she has potential. We call her "Babyzilla" and "Destructo".

-Kalera

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starlia wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

With a lot of love and patience.

Reply to
melinda

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from melinda :

]With a lot of love and patience.

and a sense of humor. it also helps that i packed a LOT of stuff away for a while.

----------- @vicki [SnuggleWench] (Books)

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newest creations:
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----------- I pledge allegiance to the Constitution of the United States of America, and to the republic which it established, one nation from many peoples, promising liberty and justice for all.

Reply to
vj

Girls have their own set of rules. I'm sure we could write our own. In fact, I'll start and you add to it.

1) Barbie high heels hurt like hell to step on barefoot.

2) No matter how many barrettes you buy, you can't find two that match.

3) Barbie has the most annoying voice in the world. (at least the way my girls made her sound!)

4) Nail polish remover will not remove nail polish from a rug. It will, however, remove all the color from that spot on the carpet, but the polish will still be there.

5) Girls will look you right in the face with the biggest eyes while they are lying. The secret is - they don't blink. lol

Cheri (Bubbee to Emily and Nathan)

Reply to
Cheri2Star

More, it reaffirms my childfreedom. I don't see how people with kids pull it off. *shudder*

Lindsey

Reply to
ruckerl1nospam

...but you can if you use custard powder. As shown on a recent episode of "Brainiacs: Science Abuse"

Reply to
Helen Page

A very wise mom friend of mine told me the following rule, which I have found to be true time and again:

Boys are harder to deal with in the first ten years, Girls are harder to deal with in the second ten years.

AMEN!!!

Reply to
katiewise

On Sun, 2 May 2004 14:43:31 -0400, katiewise wrote (in message ):

God help me if the first ten years were the easy part. DD was one tough cookie to parent in her early years. Except for her incredible propensity to spend my money, she's been wonderful from 11 years old on.

I realize she's only fourteen, and my toughest years are still ahead of me, but so far, so good. (knock wood) It probably helps that we have almost the same personality - we are both perfectly able to understand the ohter one's point of view. The only one who suffers is Bob - it's very hard for him to live in a houseful of demanding, smart and sneaky women.

Kathy N-V

Reply to
Kathy N-V

I so love reading that! It gives me hope for the 6 years of difficulty with my dd.

Reply to
Margie

This is terrifying.

(cowering in corner)

-Kalera

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katiewise wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

It's true...so very, very true. Sigh...I have two girls - 16 & 14 going on

  2. > This is terrifying.
Reply to
starlia

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