OT: Story - You Don't Trust me!

Thus far, my kid has been an unusually compliant teenager. We rarely argue, and she is very good at talking things out with me. But last week, VJ predicted that Manda was going to give me a run for my money the moment I said she was too young to do something.

The child must have been reading VJ's mind.

MIT has a fall seminar program for high school students that runs over a long weekend. As normal classes are in session, there is no dorm space, and out of town participants are being directed to a block of rooms in a Boston hotel.

Manda proposed that she and a friend share a room at the hotel, "to save the trouble of taking the trains back and forth."

Nice try. No way on this Earth am I letting two fourteen year old kids stay alone at a hotel, especially where the rest of the rooms in the hotel will be filled with other teenagers. Without supervision.

This did not go over well. "You don't trust me!" bellowed Manda, in that irate tone of a Person Who Has Been Unjustly Treated. "I know how to behave, and I have been in zillions of hotels. You just think that we'd invite boys into the room."

Actually, no - I hadn't thought that. Thanks for bringing it up. I won't let two fourteen year old kids stay alone in a hotel because it's a stupid idea. It has nothing to do with trust.

Then I got the "When you were fourteen, you got to do whatever you wanted!" line. Not true. If "whatever I wanted" included working two jobs and going to school, then it was a lot more accurate. If she was willing to take on such a life, more power to her.

After some pushing back and forth, Manda acquiesed. I told her that if her school offers a foreign exchange program, we can see about that. We are also sending her to an away from home science program next summer. She wants to know if she can "bum around Europe" between high school graduation and the beginning of college. I told her to get a job, start saving, and that we'd talk in four years.

I do believe we're in for a bit of a bumpy ride.

VJ, please - don't make any more predictions! ;-)

Kathy N-V

Reply to
Kathy N-V
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Welcome to my world! Now that my 16 almost 17 year old is in college she thinks she is grown up. It's hard to tell her she isn't unless she wants to join the military. Those are her choices. I joined the military and amazingly I grew up real fast.

Reply to
starlia

Speaking for those of us with younger daughters, I'm getting scared!

Reply to
Beadbimbo

between high school graduation and the beginning of college. I told her to get a job, start saving, and that we'd talk in four years.

I do believe we're in for a bit of a bumpy ride.<

My deepest sympathies, Kathy! I'm hearing about the planned "bumming around Japan" trip myself. After the cross-country US drive, of course. DD and "minions" in an RV....gods help us all!

And of course, she pulled out the "but Pop-pop went cross country when he was 17...on a *motorcycle*!" Yes, dear, and it was 1934 and a very different world. (I still have some of his souvenirs, including a menu from the famed Hollywood & Vine drugstore.) Oh, and my Mom didn't help by mentioning that I went to the UK when I was 19, on my own.

But, but, but.....this is my baby!!!! (And she knows she'll have money, too, cuz my Mom is a blabbermouth.)

Toasting Kathy with a virtual cocktail, KarenK

Reply to
Karen_AZ

On Thu, 26 Aug 2004 5:17:12 -0400, Beadbimbo wrote (in message ):

Speaking as a person who had an inordinate amount of "freedom" as a youth, I worry that my kid is going to try and demand to have the chance to have the same experiences. Ideally, we'll work out a balance between what her Dad got (total overprotection) and me (you're on your own, kiddo). Neither was ideal, and something in the middle would be great.

I'd like her to sample all the world has to offer, but I also want her to have us as a bit of a safety net. The world can be a huge and scary place when there is no one out there who will help you if you need it, but can be an enormous adventure if there's a support team behind you.

Damn, once again I'm angry because I'm sick. If I were well, Manda and I would have already taken our planned excursions to Africa (and Egypt), South America and Japan. Since I can't go anywhere these days, she's getting that itchy wandering foot and wants to go on her own, and I can't say I blame her.

Hmm. We have some dear friends in Canada, who have a daughter who is Manda's age. Letting her fly off to Canada to be with a friend might help satisfy her urge to travel indpendently, but still have the safety net I was talking about. Montreal is only an hour's flight, but it is a foreign country, and it is far away from Mama and Daddy.

If that works out well, perhaps next summer she can visit my grandparents: going to Germany alone sounds exotic and exciting, but since we're related to half the country, and my Tantes and Onkels would be with her, I know she's safer than she would be at home.

I also need to clear something up in Manda's mind: my freedom was mostly the freedom to work like a slave. Sure no one was watching me take the bus to any of my jobs or to school, but it's not fun, and it's not an adventure to have that much responsibility at that age. Let me tell you, having a fun adventure was the last thing on my mind when I was counting change to get enough money to keep the electricity on.

Lest anyone get the idea I never had fun, I'd like to disabuse everyone of that notion. I had lots of friends, and I had lots of fun and wouldn't trade those experiences for the world. It's the flip side of that equation that was terrible.

Enough rambling,

Kathy N-V

P.S.: Manda tried to pull the "if I were a boy, you'd let me stay in a hotel alone" card. Bwhahahahaha. I told her that if she were a boy, she probably wouldn't be mature enough for the program yet, and would be staying home entirely. (I figured that "if I were a boy" card was coming out sooner or later)

Reply to
Kathy N-V

Snipped:

Kathy, how about you let Manda read the above exactly as is. It says a lot--and it says it clearly.

Reply to
~Candace~

Montreal sounds like a great idea for her!

Reply to
Beadbimbo

Considering that my oldest pulled the "It's MY LIFE, MOTHER! I will do what I WANT!" ploy when she was four, I am already scared.

-Kalera

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Beadbimbo wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

On Thu, 26 Aug 2004 20:08:13 -0400, Kalera Stratton wrote (in message ):

Someone I know was two when she started complaining bitterly how unfair it was that she was never given a turn driving. By the time she was four, she had informed me she was moving out (to my mother's house!!), because she wasn't going to live with all my rules.

When I offered to help pack her things, she backed off.

Now that she's older, she knows that going to my mother's would not have caused any reduction in rules or chores. heh, heh, heh.

Kathy N-V

Reply to
Kathy N-V

HAHAHAHAHA! Sounds familiar... what freaky litle people we spawn!

-Kalera

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Kathy N-V wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

How about telling your mother -- when you're 2 -- "YOU are the baby and I AM THE BOSS." ~~ Sooz

Reply to
Dr. Sooz

Yeah, but in your case it was TRUE, LOL!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sooz}}}}}}}}}}}}}

-Kalera

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Dr. Sooz wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

Isn't it awful? SHEESH

~~ Sooz

Reply to
Dr. Sooz

I have this terrifying mental image of a tiny thing hardly bigger than Ophelia, taking care of a grown woman.

-Kalera

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Dr. Sooz wrote:

Reply to
Kalera Stratton

Your vision would be correct. No wonder I wanted to NOT have children. (A no-brainer.) ~~ Sooz

Reply to
Dr. Sooz

]Thus far, my kid has been an unusually compliant teenager. We rarely ]argue, and she is very good at talking things out with me. But last ]week, VJ predicted that Manda was going to give me a run for my money ]the moment I said she was too young to do something. ] ]The child must have been reading VJ's mind.

[snip of predictable teenage response.]

]Actually, no - I hadn't thought that. Thanks for bringing it up. I ]won't let two fourteen year old kids stay alone in a hotel because ]it's a stupid idea. It has nothing to do with trust.

[more snipping]

]I told ]her to get a job, start saving, and that we'd talk in four years. ]I do believe we're in for a bit of a bumpy ride.

uh-oh! you've given her a perfect opportunity!!!!!!!

]VJ, please - don't make any more predictions! ;-)

sorry - my teens are just a FEW years older than yours [and really aren't teens anymore, as they insist on reminding me], but close enough i can see some things coming. have i mentioned how much like Jamie Manda is in many ways? yes, i thought so!

**** HUGS **** to all of you. you WILL survive. some days, you'll wonder whether you want to or not . . . but you will get through it! and in the long run, it's more than worth the effort.
Reply to
vj

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from "Karen_AZ" :

]But, but, but.....this is my baby!!!!

tell me about it!

Reply to
vj

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kathy N-V :

]I also need to clear something up in Manda's mind: my freedom was ]mostly the freedom to work like a slave. Sure no one was watching me ]take the bus to any of my jobs or to school, but it's not fun, and ]it's not an adventure to have that much responsibility at that age. ]Let me tell you, having a fun adventure was the last thing on my mind ]when I was counting change to get enough money to keep the ]electricity on.

there's another side to that coin, too, Kathy. the world is a VERY different place than it was in the 50s and 60s. the population density wasn't the same and it was downright SAFER then. regardless of what youngsters think.

Reply to
vj

vj found this in rec.crafts.beads, from Kalera Stratton :

]Considering that my oldest pulled the "It's MY LIFE, MOTHER! I will do ]what I WANT!" ploy when she was four, I am already scared.

saying prayers for you in advance!

Reply to
vj

On Sat, 28 Aug 2004 18:20:44 -0400, vj wrote (in message ):

VJ, I wasn't around in the 1950's, and I was a little kid in the

1960's. We're talking late '70's and early eighties. And our town is a lot safer now than it was then, ironically. At the time, there was a major heroin and cocaine problem going on in town.

That stuff is mostly gone now, although there are still some drugs, of course. The demographic of the town has changed drastically - we have had a huge immigration of people from Asia, and crime has dropped dramatically. Possibly because real estate prices have gone up correspondingly.

Still, Boston still has a lot of gang violence - and a lot of people are getting caught in the crossfire. Besides, Manda just isn't as street-wise as I was at her age. Thank God, she hasn't had to be.

Kathy N-V

Reply to
Kathy N-V

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