Are you a true Scot ( a LITTLE Rude in places)

May 28, 2007 5 Replies
P

You know you are a true Scot if......


  1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, Auchtermuchty and Awfurfuksake


  1. Ye actually like deep fried pizza fae the chippie

  2. Yer used tae four seasons in wan day


  1. Ye cannae pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert.

  2. Ye kin fall aboot pished withoot spillin yer drink.


  1. Ye see people wearin shell suits wi Burberry accessories - Pure Class!

  2. Ye measure distance in minutes.


  1. ye kin understaun Rab C. Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family.

  2. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think its like gaun tae the ocean


  1. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer words

  2. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and still like eating it.


  1. Somedy ye ken his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur weddin date.

  2. Ye've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the church/Chapel


  1. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop.

  2. Yer holiday home at the seaside has Calor gas under it


  1. Ye know Irn-bru is a hangover cure.

  2. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums.


  1. Ye actually understaun this and ur gonnae send it tae yer pals.

  2. Finally, you are 100% True Scot if you have ever said/heard these phrases:

Hos it hingin



Clatty



boggin



cludgie



pished



get it up ye



wee beasties



erse bandit



amurny



away an bile yer heid



peely-wally



humphy backit



Ba' heid



baw bag



dubble nugget



And finally....



A wee Glesga wummin goes intae a Butchershop, where the butcher has just came oot the freezer, and is staunin haunds ahint his back, wi his erse aimed at an electric fire.



The wee wummin checks oot the display case and asks: "is that yer Ayrshire Bacon?"



"Naw," replies the butcher "Its jist ma hauns ah'm heatin."



Don`t ask me - I`m only a quarter Scots!



Pat


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B

Nice ones Pat. Orkney was part of the kingdom of Norway until about 500 years ago and it still retains its individuality. For example, you are an Orcadian if: You park your car facing into the wind to prevent door damage when you get out. You take it as a personal insult if you have to show a card when writing a cheque. You find trees fascinating and stare at them in amazement. Scotland is not the mainland. You feel faintly uncomfortable when there are no kye in ear-shot.

30 second pauses in the midst of a conversation are normal. You can hold a conversation for well over an hour consisting only of the words and phrases: "aye", "u-uh", "weel", "beuy", "this is it", "grand day fir it", and 30 second pauses. Ferry journeys should be spent reading a book or sitting on a comfy seat rather than freezing outside. You understand that 'cla thee hole' can be an affectionate tribute to your wit. You understand the merit of choosing your words carefully, then not saying them just to be on the safe side. You know there is no difference between a 'ruckle o stones' and 'archaeological evidence of ritual practice'. You eat Kettle Chips because the way they hurt your gums reminds you of Orkney Crisps. Whisky is Grouse or HP. You know exactly what "3rd cousin, once removed, on my mother's side" means, and exactly to whom it refers. You are reduced to an incoherent spitting rage by gaelic language TV. You refuse to acknowledge the existence of a Shetland version of Strip the Willow. 'Reed cans' contain McEwan's Export.
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K

Yep, that was me. Uncle Leo had season tickets, and showed up for my aunt's wedding late because he was at the game, so I knew the penalty for not working around the team's schedule.

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P

"Pat P" wrote

Well, he's not a Scot, but my Husband asked for our wedding to be in August so he wouldn't miss playing football. Then as soon as we got into the wedding car, he asked if he could have the radio on........ to check the Cricket score !

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O

Hmmm Must be a true Scot then , even though I'm from Liverpool !!! Jan

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