OFF TOPIC - advice needed

For class, there are separate dressing rooms, though the classes are mixed and occasionally there's a male teacher. For performances, if you've got a quick change in the wings, you've got a quick change in the wings regardless of who's standing around. Most are well behaved and don't stare at those changing, and helpers try to provide a bit of a shield, but it isn't perfect.

Best wishes, Ericka

Just morbidly curious, they can't be going that "undressed" are they????

Never hung around dancers or the drama club....

Cheryl

On 2/16/09 2:06 PM, "Cheryl Isaak" wrote:

Ummm- anyone that's done a bunch of stage stuff that involves costumes - modesty is hard to hold on to.

FWIW, even with the locker rooms - for the youths (under 18) - they have to have separate dressing facility for the girls that play on boys team. It's a basic ethics thing. When I coached the male high school, if it was just the JV (which meant me, no other coaches) - then they'd get dressed, and I'd go in when they all were pretty much dressed. Post game, JV, or with the big squad - the boys not allowed to get undressed until after the coaches initial post-game. Then when we were done - I'd leave the room, the other coashes would stay in - and the kids could finish changing. Interestingly enough, in my 3rd season with the school (a fancy, prep school - lots of political, diplomatic, well-connected kids - all boys, sister girls school) there was a small issue. At our pre-season get together, the coashes all sat to talk, and the head coach told me that one of the parents had brought up that I'd been in the room when some kid was bare-ass. Actually completely not true - I could recall one kid starting to pull off his hockey pants (to boxers and jock underneath) but everyone stopped him before the pants really went down - and he was way in the back corner - so I didn't even know /see - his teammates stopped it. We figured that essentially it was some a-hole dad that was still upset from me not allowing un-certified dads to assist me on the bench at the game which happened after the racial slur incident. Oh well. They did offer me head coach at the sister girls school - but that wasn't really what I wanted 'cause DH & I were able to do practices more together this way.

As an adult - playing men's league - with the team - we generally have had 1 room - but...post game the couple of women usually go to another empty to shower, otherwise we have to wait for all the guys to finish. But there has been a strict rule - which some nice 23 yr old told me he felt was a matter of respect - if the room is mixed - then no one drops 'em in the room. It's a carry your undies to the shower with you - and that's generally worked well. For "pick-up" hockey, we usually have 2 rooms, and mark one of them as co-ed, so that the guys that don't want to be in the room with the girls don't have to.

With my women's travel team - the bizarre hit in the head by too many pucks former coach totally didn't think about it. We generally would lock the door post game while girls are stripping down, etc. This a-hole actually would just walk in, and sit down on a becnh - next to a stripped or at least bare-chested girl - to "talk" to us. Interesting us yelling at him to get the f out, and him doing the "what's the big deal" .

It just all depends - but even as kids - changing backstage or in a locker-room can be really hurried and, well, not private at all.

Ellice

LOL- as we've spoken about, I had to do this with the last of the god children. Her older sisters - well, one was away at school, and the other tried - unsuccessfully. Mom, a professor, and generally not "with-it" in terms of fashion, or patience to shop - was kind of useless. Although mom is pretty small up-top (even after 4 kids), her friends had to convince her to wear a bra, cause, well, gravity and all that. But, mom noticed that kidlet 4 - the 3rd daughter, who had early puberty - was "budding" and what to do. Not a tomboy thing - just this kid has terrible hygiene and is immature. So, finaally we had a nice shopping outing - mom, me, her - and told her that some of her clothes would just look so much nicer if she would wear a little something under them. Gave the big "it's nothing to be ashamed of" speech, and finally got to the "no one will make fun of you if you wear a bra. But.....if you don't, well, it won't be as nice. " IIRC we got some nice little camis to start, and then I actually had to ge and get her bras. The kid wouldn't try them on in the store, so I picked a few styles, and got them - then she kept what worked. It wasn't easy. The girls in this family evidently all take after their dad's mom - who was buxom - so their own mom is just kind of useless about the bra thing, and, well, clothes in general. So, I've actually taken the older 2 for fittings (as in the MIT kid was "wearing" a 36 B when she's really a 34 D. Uh huh.)

Good luck - make it a fun trip to a "nice" store or something with good fitting rooms, and maybe get a treat after. I remember my mom doing that with me, and it helped.

Ellice

Hey, I can understand that. I was really modest when young. Then, again, as an adult playing men's league, I have some memories of running from the ladies room (in the rink area) around the end of the rink, back to the room

- in my hockey jock compression shorts (with built-in pocket for the jill (which is what the girls' pelvic protector is called - not a "cup" MOM) and my cut-off under-tee (or sports bra). Oh, well - times change.

Ellice

You know it is a jill, I know it is a jill...

Her male team mates think her cup looks weird....

LOL! I'm not a very sensitive Mum and when DD started to 'emerge', I gave her such a hard time about her 'blinding headlights', she couldn't wait to get into a bra! Of course, neat little sports bras are the perfect thing for young girls who just need a modicum of restraint.

;-) The bottom half is covered because they're all wearing dance briefs and the tights don't come off, but the top half can pretty much be hangin' out there mid-change. So, yeah, if you're not careful, it is possible to get an eyeful. They move fast, though, as you might imagine.

Best wishes, Ericka

Yikes- is that going to make it more embarassing?

Ellice

Yeah, I know that feeling. I was just extremely happy when they started making the pants with the built in pocket. The "jill" that is in a modified jock strap - really uncomfortable and weird to feel.

Ellice

Not as bad as when some boy at school or hockey notices.....

Or her brother....

Cheryl

Well, it is pretty funny all the boys in their jock shorts with the little bumps and her perfectly flat front. The other girl on the mixed team had been wearing a boys cup and now wants one like DD's. She's been arriving late and I'm long since out of the locker room, I don't know if she talked Dad or stepdad in to it yet. I told them she'd be more comfortable and her stride would improve. (it is clearly a bad fit)

Cheryl

Too funny. I HATE that term - 'cause it reminds me of my rather coarse hockey coach yelling at us - complete with a hands demo "T**s UP when you skate- your t**s should point like HEADLIGHTS".....

Ellice

SPEW WARNING NEEDED

I nearly choke on my peanut butter toast!!!!

Cheryl

Yup, understand. Too bad about the girl with the wrong equipment. Any decent pro shop when the parent goes to buy should be able to point them in the right direction. Boy's cup definitely doesn't fit properly, as the jill (pelvic protector) is designed to cover up higher, and definitely is different in the between the legs! Hope she gets the right thing.

Ellice

Yup - that was about the reaction on the ice...Infamously, we often had practice which was followed by adult pick-up, meaning that a bunch of guys would be hanging at the rink watching. Usually amazed that our practice was so serious (he ran it like a HS Varsity, or Midget team). The first time I really remember the headlights comment - plus him skating and pointing - it aroused quite a laugh from the on-lookers. The comment didn't exactly thrill the entire team. Mixed Travel A & B practice always interesting - especially with the very mixed orientation of the team members. And who responded well to being yelled at.

I'm still astonished that DH & I connected - as our first IRL meeting - I came off ice after one of these 90 minute sweat festivals, and pulled my helmet off - to get the pick-up sign-in list set in the score box. And didn't scare him off!

ellice

This "Dad" knows all....

Something I noticed as a kid in high school, and now being an older adult with 3 nieces dressing in various forms from the "tomboy" style to glamour styling is that it does not matter later what they dressed as when younger. The niece that was glamour in her teens is now dressing like "average" girls, while the tomboy dresser has moved to a semi-glamour look. With all of them it was not for themselves that they dressed but rather their group that they hung out with and not what they were comfortable with all the times.

More sounds like that she wants this change not for herself, but like you say because of an agreement with some other girl. Question is, why does this other person care how she looks? Is she getting more attention than this other girl and the other girl figures changing will slow this attention? Too bad then, change only if she really wants to for herself and not for anyone else including for any possible boy. A boy should notice her for herself and not for some style look.

Well, for the moment, we've found potential bras that will work and frankly, I hope she drops the "friend" that started it all